Last week J.D. Salinger passed away. We all heard the running eulogies on NPR and read them in the papers, and I had a mixed feeling when I heard he had passed.

There have only been a few people who’ve told me they could hear Holden Caufield in Blue Like Jazz, and that surprised me. The truth is I read Catcher in the Rye about fifty times while I was writing it. I’d sit and read for an hour and then open up the computer and start typing. I suppose the prose was imitation, but all good writers imitate somebody. Salinger was imitating Borges and so many others, for instance. The trick is to get the writers voice in your head, then write through it to find your own, or at least one that can’t be identified as pure imitation.

Phillip Yancey was the only one who really called me out. We met at a reading and later he read Blue Like Jazz and e-mailed me only a couple lines that said You were reading Catcher in the Rye by Salinger and Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott when you wrote this.

And he was right. In fact, those were the only two books I was reading when I wrote Blue.

In the movie Conspiracy Theory, Mel Gibson plays a man with psychological problems who collects copies of Catcher in the Rye. The movie played on the fact Mark David Chapman had a copy of the book on him when he shot John Lennon, and John Hinckley Jr. left a copy in his hotel room the morning he shot President Reagan. I always thought those were an unfair associations. Statistically, the likelihood of anybody committing a crime with a copy of Catch on them is rather high. The book has sold 65-million copies. The Joy of Cooking has been left behind at many a kitchen fire but nobody makes spooky correlations about that.

If you visited my home, you might think it odd I have about ten copies of Catch. I have one of the old hardback books, then about nine copies of the infamous black and white cover. But that’s not because I’m crazy. While I was writing Blue, I was traveling a lot, and anytime I had a writing session on the road and had forgotten the book at home, I’d walk down to the local bookstore and pick up another copy.

That solid-color cover that has lasted through the years is not a ploy by the publisher to have the book stand out on the shelf. It’s actually the only cover they can contractually use. After the book came out and sold a bunch of copies, Salinger wanted it pulled from the shelves. He didn’t like the attention. The publisher wouldn’t do it, and made him stick with the contract he had signed. So when they came to him after a few years wanting to revamp the cover, he told them no. He made them use a solid color with an off-color text, hoping the book would die away. I wonder if the cover will change, now. The publisher switched to black-and-white a few years ago to make things spicy. Who knows what’s next.

I’ll spare you the details about Salinger’s eccentricities. I read a few biographies about his life and none of them were kind. He was a recluse, but would sometimes grant interviews with young high-school girls, at least one of whom later became his wife and the father of his child. He would leave them alone and miserable for days while he was down a path on his property, locked in a cinder-block room, hammering away at a typewriter, all work he would never publish. According to his biographers he was a selfish man. I personally think he couldn’t take the criticism. J.D. Salinger is a man who wanted things his own way and wouldn’t accept anything else. It is rumored there are works of genius in that cinderblock cell, now, of course, being leafed through by his family, but I honestly doubt it. Perhaps he was doing great work fifty years ago, but without criticism, my guess is most of the stuff in the last thirty years will be obscure. But that’s just a guess.

There is no debate about whether Catch is a work of genius, though. It is, without question. The book has very little arc, and very little character development, and yet it maintains our interest. We are not inside an adolescent’s head as the voice is far too sophisticated for that. Instead, we are in the head of that pesky adolescent who lives within us. Holden Caufield is our inner child, our inner cynic, our authentic self that hates the phonies around us. To flawlessly capture that voice seems a nearly divine accomplishment. Who didn’t cry reading that book? And who knew why they were crying? I did, and I still don’t know why.

I actually find the book annoying now. Perhaps because I’ve read it so many times, or because I’ve grown up a bit. I had to read Blue for the audio version a few years ago, and I felt the same way when I read it aloud as I do now reading Catch. I wanted the writer to grow up, to stop hiding behind cynicism, and to get over his superiority complex.

Perhaps Salinger felt the same way. He certainly didn’t want you and I to read the book. But I’m glad he didn’t get his way. RIP J.D. Salinger.

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Francis Chan on Taking Risks

by Don on February 1, 2010

I love this video from Fancis Chan about how we seek safety instead of taking risks. Terrific:

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The Key to Lasting Love may Surprise You

by Don on February 1, 2010

A friend left her copy of Scientific American Mind at the house last night, and this months issue is about, well, love. Being February and all the eggheads at S/A wanted to put love under a microscope.

The articles contain all sorts of data about what it takes to fall in love and maintain love. Turns out eye contact is important, for instance, and something called secret swapping and unified breathing experiments (which explains why I have a crush on everybody in my yoga class). But most interesting to me was the article on the characteristics of married couples who stay together long-term. What’s the main characteristic? It’s positivity.

I spoke this past weekend at a mens conference with Bill Perkins. After the conference, Bill introduced me to his wife of some twenty years. Dr. John Sowers was there and asked what the secret to a happy marriage was, and Bill confessed that when they got married they were fairly naive, but he did say that the dominant thing he wanted in a mate was a positive attitude. Actually, the way Bill said it was “I didn’t want to be married to a melancholic” (I thought he meant a girl with itchy skin, but it’s actually another way of saying she’s always sad. Itchy girls are not always sad, I suppose.) And it turns out Bill may not have been so naive at all. A positive attitude turns out to be pretty important.

The article, entitled The Happy Couple, Suzann Pileggi states that how your mate responds to good news is as important, if not more important, than how well they support you when times are difficult. “In the past few years” Pileggi says “positive psychology researchers have discovered that thriving couples accentuate the positive in life more than those who stay together unhappily or split do. They not only cope well during hardship but also celebrate the happy moments and work to build more bright points into their lives.”

As a single man, I found this research sad. (I had to throw that joke in there. Come on, the humor is in the irony, get it?)

Anyway, the article contained a little test to tell how happy you are and thus how suitable you may be for a long-term relationship (or at least how suitable your half of the relationship is). I thought I’d reprint it here for your amusement:

Instructions:

Using the scale below, indidcate the greatest degree to which you have experienced each of the following emotions during the previous 24 hours.

0 = Not at all

1= A little bit

2 = Moderately

3 = Quite a bit

4 = Extremely

_1 What is the most amused, fun loving or silly you felt?

_2 What is the most angry, irritated or annoyed you felt?

_3 What is the most ashamed, humiliated or disgraced you felt?

_4. What is the most awe, wonder of amazement you felt?

_5. What is the most contemptuous, scornful or disdainful you felt?

_6. What is the msot disgust, distaste or revulsion you felt?

_7. What is the most embarrassed, self-conscious or blushing you felt?

_8. What is the most grateful, appreciative or thankful you felt?

_9. What is the most guilty, repentant or blameworthy you felt?

_10. What is the most hate, distrust or suspicion you felt?

_11. What is the most hopeful, optimistic or encouraged you felt?

_ 12. What is the msot inspired, uplifted or elevated you felt?

_13. What is the most interested, alert or curious you felt?

_14. What is the most joyful, glad or happy you felt?

_15. What is the most love, closeness or trust you felt?

_16. What is the most proud, confident or self-assured you felt?

_17. What is the most sad, downhearted or unhappy you felt?

_18. What is the most scared, fearful or afraid you felt?

_19. What is the most serene, content or peaceful you felt?

_20. What is the most stressed, nervous or overwhelmed you felt?

Scoring:

Circle questions 1, 4, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and 19 and then underline questions 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 17, 18 and 20. Count the number of circled (positivity) questions you rated 2 or higher and the number of underlined (negativity) questions you scored 1 or higher. Divide your positivity tally by your negativity tally. (If your negativity tally is zero, replace it with 1. The result represents your positivity ratio for today.

If you scored below 3:1. as more than 80% of Americans do, you may be able to raise that ration with exercises recommended in this article and in Fredrickson’s book, Positivity. Because this test provides a mere snapshot of your feelings during the previous 24 hours, you may also want to repeat it nightly for two weeks to gain a more reliable assesment of your positivity ration.

So there you go. Remember, 80% of Americans scored below the hopeful 3:1. I consider myself a very optimistic person, but was surprised I scored below that ratio. Drats! (Oops, I just dropped a notch! And now another!!! Somebody stop me!)

In all seriousness, though, our positivity dramatically affects everything, especially relationships. Here are some things I’ve learned that help me be more positive:

1. Being negative is cheating the system: There are very real victims in the world, but there’s nothing more annoying than a victim who, well, isn’t really a victim. When I think of myself as a victim, I’ve realized it’s more about bringing attention to myself than it is about taking responsibility for my life. It’s like being a kid in a race and realizing about fifty paces from the finish you’re not going to win. Suddenly, your mind begins racing with excuses and negative self talk. But all of that is just a coping mechanism. What we really should be thinking is: I take responsibility for my part in this situation, I’m humbled by it but intend to learn from it. I’m grateful this experience has pointed out some things that need to change. I came to the realization that if I’m negative, it’s because I want to be negative. I’m getting something from it. Either I’m getting attention or I’m making excuses. I don’t have to try as hard because something is wrong with me. In other words, my negativity wasn’t happening to me, I was willingly participating to get out of the responsibility I have to govern my life. Ouch.

2. I try not to voice my negativity: Just because I think it doesn’t mean I need to say it. We all have negative thoughts. We all feel sorry for ourselves, but when we bring those thoughts up too often , we can become a burden. Some of us may do this so often we wouldn’t know how to stop. We think: If I’m not a victim, people will leave me. Actually, that’s a lie. The truth is, people have already left because we keep playing the victim card. Victims don’t attract strong friends, they attract predators, and further their victim cycle. Strength and positivity attracts strength and positivity. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be open or vulnerable. There are times, without question, to unload. But just imagine having a backpack full of bricks. If you need somebody to help carry some of your weight, by all means ask. But remember, they have weight to carry too, and even though they love you, there is only so much they are capable of.

3. Understand there’s really not that much to be upset about: This is an old lesson I learned years ago from a Norman Vincent Peale book. He said when you are worried about something, stop and imagine the worst case scenario. What would happen? Would you lose your job, your health? Probably not, but if so, think about what you would do if that did happen? The truth is, even if the worst happened, life wouldn’t be as bad as you think, so stop worrying.

4. Understand how great life already is. I had a great interview with Henry Cloud recently, and he said that our circumstance only affects 20% of our happiness. That means our money, our stuff, our job only affects our happiness level 20%, and yet that’s the stuff we worry about. I was so afraid to turn 30 (8 years ago) and still be single, and now I am looking at 40 in a couple years and feel that same old fear. But the truth is, my 30’s have been the greatest years of my life. There have been one or two rough years, but overall it’s been Disneyland. The sad (or happy) truth is, if I never got married, I’d be more happy than the overwhelming majority of married people I know. (That’s not a blow on marriage, it’s just a statement about how little circumstance has to do with emotional health).

So, after scoring lower than 3:1, I’ve got a bit of work to do. But what  I liked about this article in Scientific American Mind is that it gives us reason and license to be more happy. Heck, our marriages may depend on it. So cheer up!

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The Million Miles Short Film Contest! Win a Thousand Bucks

January 29, 2010

Tell Your Story in 90 Seconds and win a Thousand Bucks.
If you’ve read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and you (and/or your friends) have decided to tell an interesting story with your lives, make a film about it and you might win a thousand bucks. And more than that, you might just inspire [...]

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TMP Mentor and Mentee Visit the White House

January 29, 2010

Imagine being nine-years old and asked to visit the White House. It happened last week with one of our mentees, Lehzan. The White House called and asked us to send a representative from The Mentoring Project to the East Room of the White House to help the President kick off National Mentoring Month. We knew [...]

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The Night I Bought Howard Zinn a Beer

January 27, 2010

I was saddened to hear about the passing of Howard Zinn. He was a remarkable man, a remarkable historian and a remarkable advocate for neglected people everywhere. Perhaps best known for his book A People’s History of the United States, Howard saw this country not through the eyes of its leaders but through the eyes [...]

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Will Jesus Fulfill us Here on Earth?

January 27, 2010

One of the reasons people struggle so much with life is they expect it to be something it isn’t. They expect to be fulfilled by products, relationships and even religion as though this is going to be the “Act 3 Climax” of life. But Biblically, the complete climax of life doesn’t happen at conversion, it [...]

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Knowledge Makes a Secure Man Humble

January 25, 2010

Years ago, when I worked at a small publishing company outside Portland, I’d get together every couple days with a former seminary professor named Ross Tunnell. Ross had left seminary work and was doing graphic design, but was widely considered to be one of the smarter Old Testament teachers in Portland. I made a deal [...]

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Convergence: Something New for Small Group Leaders

January 22, 2010

For a limited time, you can get a free DVD of Convergence, an interview series I host designed to stimulate conversations for small groups. One of the closest resemblances the modern church has to the church in Acts are small groups that meet in homes. It’s an honor to help bring life to a community [...]

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How Remarkable is World Vision?

January 21, 2010

Our parents generation started World Vision in the 1950’s, and it’s grown into an over 2.5 billion-dollar per-year organization providing supplies, food and medical treatment to hurting people around the world. They aren’t the sexiest organization, and they don’t aim to be fashionable, but I’ve been amazed at the people who work at World Vision [...]

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Who cares about Jay or Conan, what will happen to Nick Thune?

January 19, 2010

Nick Thune is one of my favorite comedians and the news Jay Leno was changing things up didn’t have me wondering about what would happen to Jay or Conan, instead I wondered what would happen to Nick. Nick has a regular spot on Leno under the auspices of a philosopher/advice giver helping us all “change [...]

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