My roomate, Justin, teaches at a school in a rough neighborhood here in Portland, and it happens to be a school that partners with The Mentoring Project, a mentoring program I started a couple years ago. We are now mentoring 65 kids and are rapidly expanding our reach. We provide mentors to kids through church-based programs and believe strongly the church holds a big chunk of the solution to the fatherlessness crisis in America.
One of the many ways I get feedback about our program is through Justin. He actually sees our mentors showing up at his school to spend time with their kids. A story he told me last night took me back thirty years to similar memories from my own life.
One of the kids at Justin’s school has a dad who has been issued a restraining order. Our mentors name is Ross Hallbach and for the sake of privacy I’ll refer to his mentee as David. Ross was recruited through a church’s partnership with TMP, and then trained by our staff.
Ross has been mentoring David for about six months and shows up for an after school program once each week (though they spend time together outside this hour) and over time discovered David enjoyed playing baseball, playing catch. Ross realized David really liked baseball and so began to prepare him to play in little league.
Ross invited Justin to go to one of David’s games and Justin described the scene as though he were describing the seventh game of the World Series. He said David was sitting on the bench but kept looking over at Ross and Justin, every few seconds, just to check and make sure they were still there. And of course they were. It was David’s turn to bat and he ended up being walked, but then stole second and was hit home. When he crossed home plate, he had two older guys (read larger than life heroes) to look over at who were yelling and jumping and cheering him on. As a guy who grew up without a Dad, I can’t begin to tell you how much I celebrated that something like this had happened in a world where there is such bad news floating around about fatherlessness. It felt so good to hear about a guy who was choosing to tell a much better story, and in turn giving a kid a better story too.
I wanted to post this little article as a public thank you to Ross Hallbach. Recruiting men to get involved in the lives of the fatherless is a tough job, and it turns out the greatest of men answer that calling. It takes time, devotion, patience and Ross has given David and The Mentoring Project all of that. Ross, I can’t thank you enough. And I know someday, maybe ten years from now, maybe twenty, you are going to get a phone call, or a knock on your door, and it’s going to be David and he is going to thank you in a way that will bring your life more meaning than anything I could say in this article. Scripture says God will provide fathers to the fatherless, and you are the hands and feet of God.
The Mentoring Project already has 65 other mentors equally as devoted as Ross. I wish I could name them all, tell their stories (some of which are too remarkable to be believed). We have already heard hundreds of stories about improved grades, higher self esteem, more emotional stability and former frustration and confusion turned to excitement and joy.
I am confident that were it not for the mentors who stepped into my life when I was David’s age, I’d probably be in prison or perhaps even dead. I thank God for my mentors every day, and love working with The Mentoring Project to give back to God what it is He gave me: A friend and role model to look up to.
Tomorrow we publicly launch our website. We’ve not had one for a year, and part of the reason is we didn’t want to put a marketing face on such a fledgling program. But our program is robust now, and its turning out stories that, at least in our office, are keeping the Kleenex company in business.
Would you do me a favor? Tomorrow, I will tweet a few times to announce our site has gone live. Would you mind retweeting the news? We want churches all over the country to know that if they want to tackle the issue of fatherlessness, we are building a program to help them. We want single mothers who are exhausted and confused to know the church in America sees them and hears them and is trying as hard as it can to help. And we want young kids growing up without fathers to know while their earthly fathers may have abandoned them, Father God sees them and loves them and is working through His people to help. And we also want the world to know that a kid in Portland ran the bases and had somebody there to cheer him home. Thanks Ross.
Help provide a mentor for a child.
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Will definitely re-tweet. I cried when I read David’s story. I can’t tell you the number of times I wished for this type of moment as a little girl — of the number of times I wished for it for my brother.
Thanks for starting The Mentoring Project because moments like David’s (those are pivotal moments in the life of a child) should be a reality for every child.
Thanks Don. This is cool.
As a teacher, I see on a DAY TO DAY basis what can happen when kids without fathers are loved and invested in. There is power in being consistent and letting a child know that they are worthy to be loved.
This is how we can lower crime rates. This is how we can change the future one child at a time in a small, practical but powerful way. This is why I support and will continue to support The Mentoring Project.
You had me at “Hello.”
So great. You’re keeping the Kleenex company in business in London too. We could really use TMP over in the UK!
Thats beautiful. Things like this make me think “yup, thats the Kingdom!” Unfortunately I’m all the way on the east coast, but if The Mentoring Project ever comes this far I’ll be the first to jump in and get my church involved.
Thanks for starting something like this! I grew up without a father also but I thank God every day for the godly men he put in my life. Thanks for keeping it real!
Why don’t you live in Missouri? This would be a FABULOUS story for the state paper I work for… If anyone reading this lives in Missouri — start this program here and tell me about it!
Thanks for your good work — I look forward to reading more stories on the Web site and dreaming about what we can do in my area.
This sounds like such a wonderful program – just what our children need…especially our boys. I just finished writing a book called “Father to the Fatherless” which tells the story of how mentorship, forgiveness and reconciliation changed my life growing up. I grew up without my biological father playing a significant role in my life and God provided many men in my life to help validate me as a daughter of God. Hopefully one day this book will be published so it can join alongside the work you are doing in your program as a symbol that mentorship is so necessary in the lives of fatherless boys and girls. Thanks for the post.
May this project be blessed, thus blessing the children.
I will definitely retweet for you.
Don, I just wanted to thank you for all the work you do in this important ministry. I, like many boys these days, grew up without a father. I never had anyone to mentor me, and it is only by the grace of God that I am a productive member of society today. I was once lost deep within a downward spiral of sin with no one to tell me how to get out, or even that I NEEDED to get out. Only after meeting my wife who introduced me to the Lord have I truly become a man. After reading your book (“To Own a Dragon”) I realized that I was not alone in my struggle and was able to grow closer to God as my heavenly Father. I pray continually for the success of your ministry so that others may not go down the road that I had to go down. God bless you Don.
Hi Don,
I couldn’t find your email address online anywhere so I will just write you right here for all the world to see. It’s a silly attempt, I know, but what the hell.
I decided to try to get in touch with you because I think you could be of some assistance to me. I realize that you probably immediately think that you haven’t got much to say to a guy you don’t know, but that doesn’t really matter to me.
Anyway, I realized that there is not really anything that I could say that would catch your attention any more than anyone else that has ever written you, because we all say the same types of things. I imagine you have certain ratings for emails and letters like: 1) Nice try, 2) Interesting, but not unique, 3) Wow, that was cool, but… yeah no., etc. This doesn’t really say anything about you, just that you are clearly overloaded with letters and things and to try to respond to all of them would be totally futile.
So here’s my attempt:
I am not going to try to say that you and I could be great friends cause I don’t know you, you could be a total chump. I could be a total chump. What I will say is that you and I think alike. This is not some incredible claim, it’s just true, and as someone who thinks like I do, you can be sure that I am right about this, at least when it comes to the things you’ve written about. If we were friends you might surprise me by saying something that doesn’t hit me the same way it hits you, like: “Man, I just love college football.” or, “What do you say we go pump some iron and pick a fight?”. But I doubt you’d say that second one, though I don’t think I would put it past you.
Ok, too much. Here’s the point, and this is where I will probably lose you: There is a tick in the back of my head that says “write a book”.
That’s it.
What do you think?
PS – After re-reading this note, I realize you will definitely not respond to me.
But, if you are bored some evening, laptop in hand, sitting on the porch, or at a coffee shop, and feel drawn to do something that may be a complete waste of time, hit me up.
THANK YOU ROSS! THANK YOU JUSTIN! THANK YOU DONALD MILLER! I am a single mother, raising a 13 yr old son and an 11 year old daughter. It is my prayer that a man like Ross will step up in such ways for my kids! It brings such joy to my heart to know someone was there cheering for this boy!
This a breath of fresh air.
I wish I could see what Jesus’ smiling face looks like.
My wife runs an after school program for at risk children. It was started by one of our incredible pastors at our church after visiting a similar program in Cabrini-Green. A rough part of Chicago. It is a mentoring program that is spiritual based and in partnership with our local school district. The kids get tutoring, a hot meal and an earful of the Good Word. Just over 100 of our church members volunteer their time every week to these children. There are not enough words to tell the stories and describe the difference the Body of Christ has done for these children and their families. With vision and passion dedicated to the glory of Christ, programs like yours and ours will make this world a better place.
This has been on my mind a lot recently as we have been talking a lot at my school about how to close the achievement gap for students.
30% of all students in this country drop out of high school before graduation. 50% of Hispanic students drop out before graduation. These are the reasons for President Obama’s education reform plans.
But at my level (which is not the Obama level) I have seen the difference I can make as a “relational” teacher. I take time to work with students individually and sometimes I am here after school listening to “the drama” and talking with students.
Mentoring is huge, listening to students is huge, taking a student out for coffee or supporting them at their games reminds them that they are valuable and worth listening to. This kind of work can close the achievement gap for students and diminish the striking dropout rate in this country. It is about being PROactive and lessening the amount we have to be REactive.
I kind of assumed that this was just for boys but checked the website to confirm that. Any chance girls might have a similar opportunity at some point? Thinking of my own background I know it would have made a huge difference. Maybe ya’ll could do boy/girl siblings? Maybe? Please?
On another note, I find it freakishly weird that in the space for my URL, last night’s comment directed people to a post I wrote in March. Weird. Have no clue how that happened. Because I so didn’t type that in there. I’m kind of a little freaked out by that. Haha.
Don,
What is the feasibility of a church in the midwest (Madison, WI) partnering with TMP on something like this? On the website it mentioned “currently forming partnerships in the Portland, Oregon area.” If not a formal partnership, is this something start using the resources you provide to churches in your area?
I’ve just learned of this last night but am pumped about what’s going on with it and would love to see something like this in our community here.
Thanks again,
Lief Erickson
Blackhawk Church – Madison
What a fantastic ministry, and you don’t even have to dress up in a bee suit.
I’m reading “Point Man” by Steve Farrar currently which gives a lot of discouraging facts about the absent-father crisis in our society. A big thank you to you and the others involved in this new ministry for stepping up to the plate and being there for those boys in the Portland area. May God thrive and bless your efforts, and may similar ministries spread like wildfire across the nation.
Lief,
Visit http://www.thementoringproject.org and zap an email off to Wade Trimmer.
totally cried. love it. can’t wait to spread the news about the new site. i’ve been on both ends of the mentoring thing. it’s an amazing thing, truly. good stuff you’re doing man. keep it up. keep on shining
Don, I think this is huge.
I mean, this is the kind of thing the world needs. Not just Christians, not just nonbelievers, but everybody. I, along with many hundreds of people, really appreciate the effort you and countless others are putting into this.
I do have a father, but even I recognize the importance of having a mentor. I can’t do much, but I hope to help this cause in whatever way I can.
What happened to the book Let Story Guide You that was supposed to be released this year?
out of print?
Don, i never see you at church anymore
not that i ever talked to you. but just seeing you there was cool. i am not stalking you.
This is a wonderful project. Congratulations on all your hard work. The pastor at my church has a similar program with a group of young men in our community.
Don – love the concept. we’ve talked about mentoring for a while at our church but don’t have the man power to build it from the ground up. Emailed hannah to get more info on how to partner from Minnesota. BTW-your twitter friend with the group of “Mrs. Donald Miller” wannabe’s is on my staff. I’ll try to keep her under control out here.
micah
[...] Don Miller shared some thoughts on The Mentoring Project (I sent in my application for the internship this week). [...]
zero at the bone. in my random readings today, i read your wondering about what emily dickinson meant by zero at the bone. and job 33:21.
wanted to forward that to you just in case it is the key to a long lost mystery.
In what way is The Mentoring Project different from Kids Hope USA?
My guess is that if people really want to get involved in mentorship, they don’t necessarily have to wait for TMP to come to their town. Clearly, I want TMP to get off the ground and grow successfully, but there are other organizations out there doing similar things. Ya just gotta find ‘em.
Donald,
I listened to Blue like Jazz this evening. It really gave me a necessary kick in the heart. I would wish to contribute something to the free distribution of this specific Audio Book. I think your politics suck:-), and it is really so in my reality… (or is it maybe also because I always tend to go the other way as the rest?). In any case let me know you are whomever monitors this site. And pleasssse no I do not want to donate money to the mentorship program.
God Bless
Dirk
You might be happy to know that I dreamt of baby elephants early this morning. Congratulations on an effective, efficient web launch–visually appealing, user-intuitive…and obviously memorable.
This is huge. I’ve been feeling the nudge to start something like this in our church and community here in Charleston, SC. It’s not a great idea…it’s a necessity.
Thanks for putting the word out there.
Amanda
Amanda, i live in charleston,sc and I’ve been nudged too. The kids hope usa program is a blessing and I don’t know if you’ll ever see this considering its over a year later, but i was hoping if u were interested u might respond. there is nothing here and the Lord has been pushing me in this direction with my church JICC to work for Him. Please respond.
Dear Don,
I just read your comments on God calling Himself “Father” as a marketing mistake. I grew up without a father or mentor and understand your angst. As a Christian, however, I am called not only to His salvation, but also obedience and thankfulness. God is much bigger than words and ideas that we draw conclusions and judgements from. He is not in the work of “marketing.” ( I guess His dying on the cross was also a terrible misjudgement–huh?) The Holy Spirit uses His choice of words from His Holy Word in our hearts in only ways that He knows–it is pretty lame for you or me to determine that HIS WORD is possibly inappropriate. Why offer this kind of statement when so many just need to know Him? Come on, Donald, do better than this. Your issues with being fatherless is just that. We all carry our baggage and deal with the wreckage that has been left by others. God promises to walk with us as the perfect FATHER. Picking at that word is ridiculous and a little bit of a marketing mistake on your part, don’t you think?
I notice you don’t have time to respond to these comments–are you serious? You can if you want to. It comes off like you would prefer to just sail by any accountability to the concerns of others.
M.D.
[...] Don Miller wrote a great post on TMP and some vision behind it. [...]
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