In Nashville they’ve built a giant replica of the Parthenon, the temple in Greece that was built for Athena. I don’t know why they built a replica of the Parthenon in Nashville. I suppose there is a placard that explains it but I don’t like to get that close. It sits in a field just off downtown, just off the country-music recording studios and boot stores, and when I’m driving through town I swear I hear Carmina Burana bellowing from the building’s ribs. At night they light the thing so it makes long black shadows on the lawn and when you look at it, driving by as fast as you can, you can sense a monster slipping its fingers round one of the 46 pillars. I like to think people in Nashville meet on the lawn before the Parthenon once a year to sacrifice a virgin. They don’t kill her, really, but they give her a record contract so she basically becomes a sappy cocaine addict. In exchange the gods feed their industry for another year. I shouldn’t say things like this about the people in Nashville because it probably isn’t true. But that is something I think about when I see the Parthenon.
I took a humanities course several years ago and we studied the Greeks. Before that course I think I assumed monuments like the Parthenon were only built to increase tourism. I guess it never occurred to me that entire cultures could believe so strongly in these stories they would enslave their people to construct monuments to characters we would now only relegate to comic books.
The best definition for story I’ve ever heard is that it is a sense-making device, that is, it explains what the motivations and reasons for all human elements actually are. If the stories we tell and believe are not true, then, it is as though we are navigating a landscape with a map in which things are falsely labeled. We are looking for a lake where there is no lake, and a road where there is no road.
Last year some friends and I hiked the Inca Trail in Peru. The trail starts along the Vilcanota river in the Sacred Valley near Cusco and climbs over steep terraces in the Andes for twenty-six miles before ending at the lost city of Machu Piccu. At times the trail pitches itself so steep against the mountains you feel you are climbing a ladder through clouds to meet with the gods. This is what the Inca believed, when they traveled to Maccu Pichu, that they were going to meet with gods. The trees dangling like flags off the cliffs and the mist that seemed to come out of the mountains would make the myths easy to propagate. And as I hiked, the romanticism of the gods seeped through the crags of the trail itself, and I could feel with each footfall the light stepping of thousands who had made the trip before me, so many carrying offerings on their backs and a hope that whatever gift they were bringing to whatever god might finally put a rest in their souls, a feeling of absolution.
This is why we make offerings to gods, I think. We hope for absolution. We hope for a climax in a story we don’t necessarily understand. For the Inca, the story was that the sun was born out of Lake Tittichacha and came on them like an eye every morning to monitor their actions, rewarding or punishing them through the management of weather. Their rulers defined good and bad behavior and so were able to make slaves of a third of their people.
On the fourth day of our hike in Peru, only a mile from the city gates of Maccu Pichu, I broke from the group and wandered through the mist into a small village set in a landing on the mountainside. I knew I was still a mile from the city so I was surprised when some large, carved rocks slid out of the ghosts like towers. I stepped into the alleys between ancient houses and when I did I could hear in my imagination the goats go restless up the mountainside and I saw the Incan resting on their haunches cleaning stone bowls. I rounded an alley and found myself standing before a giant stone table, an altar I realized was the place the Incan made their human sacrifices. There was a gulley carved into the altar that would allow blood to spill off the table through a single crag. These were things that happened, I thought to myself, standing before the altar. This is where the blood dripped down into the grass, I thought, looking closely at the crag, wanting to see a stain.
Whoever controls the stories controls the people, is something I believe. If you tell a group of primitives the sun was born out of Lake Titicaca and will only yield crops if they give it blood, then people will give the sun their blood. And if an emperor says the sun wants a third of the people to become slaves, the people will enslave their own. That’s how Macchu Piccu was built, it turns out. And the same is true about the pyramids in Egypt and a thousand other monuments to myth that were built before and since.
But this isn’t a rant against government manipulation. It’s just a reminder that we have to believe true stories or our lives will be a mess.
I had a long conversation with a distinguished scholar last month whose lifelong expertise is story structure. He is not a Christian. And as we talked, he said something that fascinated me. He said this:
“I understand you Christians. I understand the essence of your message. It’s this: If you are not a good person, you are going to burn in hell for all eternity.”
As I said, this man was a distinguished scholar and so it surprised me when he made this statement from a position of absolute knowing. There was no doubt in his voice. He wasn’t asking me to confirm. He knew. But he was absolutely wrong. That isn’t the essence of the Christian story, and anybody who believes so is a heretic.
Our story, and by our story I don’t mean the Christian story, I mean humanity’s story, is this:
The Trinity existed forever in a completely loving community. They were and are other focussed, without what we think of as ego (though I believe they have something like ego, we would not recognize it in comparison to our own) and they created an existence, including you and I, to enjoy their company. That is the most loving thing a perfectly loving being could do. But love cannot be controlling, it has to set it’s muse free, so they gave humanity an option out. And humanity took it, thus, by necessity, there was a separation between pure good and anything other than pure good. So now, we who have been designed to be complete in God, seek affirmation and validation from each other as though our lives depend on it. But it doesn’t work. Nobody has agency but God. So God sends his son to earth and his son essentially says this:
“You guys have all walked away from God. He can’t have anything to do with you, because he is purely good. But look, I haven’t walked away from him, so if you marry me, and we become one, you’ll be reunited with the Trinity. He’ll look at you and see me. We’ll do this at a wedding in heaven. Until the wedding, though, just have faith. It’s as though it’s already done. But it’s going to kind of suck until then.”
So that’s where we are in our story. We are waiting for the wedding, and until then, we have hope, and we have an explanation for our hope.
I‘m a christian, in part, because I was raised to be a Christian. But sometime after high-school, I walked away. I thought the whole thing was silly. But while my head walked away, my greater sentiments stayed. I couldn’t leave it completely. As I’ve grown older, the story has made more and more sense. So much of the richness of Christian theology has been reduced to silliness, but the story, the story makes so much sense.
It’s a crime that Christian Theology is now understood as a list of principles rather than the elements of a story. After all, in Scripture, the theology is presented in an epic narrative. A story is essentially this: A Character that wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. So here is Christian theology in story structure, which is the way it is presented in scripture, and the only way it makes sense:
1. A Character: God
2. That wants something: To be reunited with the world, for their sake.
3. And overcomes Conflict: Sends his son to invite people (not force them) into a relationship through which mankind can be reunited with God.
4. To get it: And this will happen at a wedding in heaven.
But that is God’s story. Here is ours:
1. A Character: You
2. That Wants something: Was designed to be in relationship with God, who has agency. Was designed to be affirmed and validated, less you feel like you are going to die.
3. And Overcomes Conflict: Trusts Jesus, and walks in faith that someday he is going to reunite us with God. And rests in patience that his promises are true, and someday the validation and affirmation we are designed to receive will be received.
4. To get it: This hasn’t happened yet, but it will in heaven. And until then we are able to account for the hope that rests within us.
Now, let me explain the modern, false gospel that you hear every sunday in church:
1. A Character: You.
2. That wants something: To be fulfilled.
3. And overcomes conflict: Jesus came to fulfill you, either to make you happy, or to provide the things that will make you happy on earth. But you have to be good, you can’t sin. You have to get up and have your quiet time so you can be the person God designed you to be.
4. To get it: You should be happy, and if you’re not happy, you aren’t doing religion right, or you aren’t a good enough person.
I see this latter story, this latter false gospel, as being as deadly as anything the Inca’s dreamed up. It’s pure crap. And if that’s the story you believe, you might as well be a slave.
One of the reasons so many people walk away from Christianity is because people intuit that our story doesn’t make sense. And they intuit this because, well, it doesn’t. And it isn’t beautiful or meaningful, at least not that false story that passes today as the gospel of Jesus.
Our artists walk away and make secular music and write secular books because they want to say something beautiful and meaningful and so have to walk away from the self-help gospel they grew up hearing about in church.
When we start believing the true story, we will start telling it, and when we start telling it, we’ll help make sense of the world. Story is a sense-making device. And the gospel of Jesus makes sense.
You can learn more about the personal implications of story in my new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Pre-order it here.
Post Script: One of the problems with a blog entry like this is that there is less said than needs to be said. I trust you will take up the conversation with your pastor. Is there an antagonist? Yes. Can we learn to be content, and even have joy? Of course. We can dissect what “isn’t” here all day. Honestly, I rarely write about theological issues because if I do I find myself in a room with white, twenty-something males whose parents are paying for their education and, like me when I was their age, think they know everything, think only in black and white, and defend their ideas as mingled with their identities. It kills the soul.
Matt (from comment #20, not the other Matt)-
I don’t know if you will read this, but I’ve lived much of your story – the hyper-religious insanely screwed up family intently focused to this day on keeping up the good Christian facade, the sexual abuse from a pastor, the depression, the feeling of being trapped by Christianity….
This may not be a popular sentiment on this particular blog, but I wish someone had told me this ten years ago: It’s okay if you need to walk away from church for a year or five or forever. There’s nothing wrong with you if you just can’t make Christianity work. Just because you can’t find healing and redemption in Jesus doesn’t mean it can’t be found. Take your healing where you find it, and if that’s in meditation and EFT – go for it.
I’ll be honest – I found Jesus’ powers of salvation to be less than effective – and God knows I tried for the first 32 years of my life. Meditation/centering prayer, art, yoga, Buddhist teaching on suffering, Catholic mysticism, feminism, happy pills, good friends who have absolutely supported my spiritual journey, the occasional bout of heavy drinking and thousands of dollars worth of therapy (especially EMDR)have done what evangelical Christianity couldn’t seem to manage. For the absolute first time in my life, I don’t hate myself, I don’t feel crazy, and have finally extricated myself from my unbelievably tortured relationship with Christianity. (and you would have had to know me for a while to know what a huge statement that is.)
I have been in some dark and terrifying places in my healing process, but there IS an other side to it – unfortunately you have to do a lot of pretty excruciating work to get there. I will hold you in the Light because I know how hard and how awful it can be. I will pray – in my own heretical fashion – that you find some healing and some peace, and that some day – you will know that the very deepest truth about yourself is that you are good.
Peace,
Christy
Thank you
[...] http://donmilleris.com/2009/07/31/how-the-stories-you-believe-are-screwing-with-your-mind/ [...]
Thank you so much for this. You have such a gift at communicating very deep and important issues in a way that makes it sound so simple.
Christy…comment # 51. Thanks for understanding. And Sarah comment #40 thank you….And too anyone else reading through this I am a different matt comment#20 than the one worrying about theology comment #3.
I am finally at peace that no matter how my journey goes…I will find the truth. And I really want it to be this story. I have read all of Don’s books and they have helped me hang on by a thread to God and Jesus aside from Christianity.
Peace to all.
Matt,
Such a great attitude, man. Online communities can be encouraging, but I truly hope you are surrounded by loving people. Let me know if you are ever through portland.
don
Matt, the best book I know of for “the tough questions” is The Reasons for God (paperback edition available August 4).
Don, I really appreciate you sharing these stories! They speak to my heart not just my head. I have read your books and found they connect with more than just the young folks. I am an older man who was introduced to your writing by my daughter.
For the others posting. Thank you for sharing a part of your journey/story with us! And thank you for those who are demonstrating Christ’s love for one another!
It is really encouraging to me!
Shelia and Shelly, thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers. I should say that the existence my son and I have together is a joyful one, and we have much to be thankful for. Still, there are times when I feel the weight of the burden of single motherhood pressing down on me, and I feel utterly helpless, and little bit hopeless, and completely lost. Only sometimes, though.
And I suppose that is another part of my story. I have a lot of questions about God, and I know more about what He is not than I do about what He is. The things that I’ve been through in recent years have caused me to question everything I ever thought I was sure of about my faith. When the excrement began to hit the air conditioning (thank you, Kurt Vonnegut), my initial reaction was, “What the what?!?”
Despite all of my questions, though, there are seasons during which I am keenly aware of God’s relentless pursuit of my undivided affections. While I may wander, He doesn’t. God is always patient with my questions, and I believe my questions have brought me to a place of having a richer understanding of grace. I have also come to believe that God is more than big enough to handle the questions, and He more than welcomes them.
The questions I have didn’t bother me so much when I was the only one needing answers. I was content to stroll leisurely through the labyrinth of questions, in no real hurry to find answers. I was…and still somewhat am…in love with the mystery. However, now that I have a child, I often feel like I need to get together in a hurry so I can have all the answers to Jaden’s questions of universal proportions, before he even has a chance to ask him.
Maybe part of the story for me is going to be learning to let my son experience his own story. There will be questions he will have to wrestle with on his own. God knows I did…
I think the biggest thing I do not want to convey to my son is that Christians are a bunch of people who are just waiting around to die, because that’s when life will finally be good. That’s essentially what I was told about the value of having Christ in your life…Life sucks big time, but if you have Jesus in your life, it becomes somewhat bearable, but it’s really great that you get to go to heaven after you die. That’s what makes Jesus so great.
It’s like a commercial that’s been playing in my head for the last 34 years. I’m not sure if the people I’ve met along the way really believe this, but that’s the impression that was made upon me. I want to avoid that with my son, which brings me back to the question of how I answer his questions.
I don’t expect you to have an answer. I’m just sayin’…
Don, I really enjoyed this post. I became a Christian while in college, yet have struggled since then to maintain my faith, in large part because the oversimplified version of the story that I encounter in church communities doesn’t “fit” me somehow…I can’t wait to read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
I almost don’t want to add this, but I wish you could use a different word other than “primitives”. I know that you don’t mean it in the oppressive colonial way, but since we’re talking about theological dogmas (the false stories) that have been used as justification for enslavement and genocide against the Inca, Mayans, etc…
“Honestly, I rarely write about theological issues because if I do I find myself in a room with white, twenty-something males whose parents are paying for their education and, like me when I was their age, think they know everything, think only in black and white, and defend their ideas as mingled with their identities. It kills the soul.”
Don, brother…
I’d encourage you to re-think statements like this that, in my opinion, are not helpful.
I understand the point cloaked in sarcasm bit – but the truth is your words are under a microscope (ah, the life of a Christian leader) – and I would like to gently encourage you, as a voice to our generation, to error on the side of gentleness and love rather than let your words take on a condescending heir or superiority, as I believe they did here.
What we think about God effects everything. And what are the implications of your words? You don’t want to pursue understanding of God with people who desire to devote their lives to such a cause? That is annoying to you because they defend their beliefs with conviction? Is studying not real to you? Is knowledge not a concrete and good virtue?
You only leave me to presume you value the opposite of your satirical list. You want to learn theology from minority, impoverished, un-intelligent, impartial push-overs? Why even mention race?
“Hi, I’m Jordan…I am unsure of everything, I’ve never studied, I am afraid to believe with conviction, I’m extremely poor and not white nor male (so there go all your reasons for not listening to me) and I am going to teach you how to understand, clearly communicate and passionately articulate the Trinity to Indian Hindu’s.”
I’m beginning to take more and more offense to the white male bit. Obviously they have been rich and their lives have been easy, so lets lump them into a group and make them feel terrible about themselves and muzzle them with dirty privilege.
Your writing is full of black and white. Your writing clearly displays that your ideas are mingled with your identity. You obviously think you are right about what you are saying. You are a wealthy white male. If you discussed theology more often, I think you would find yourself to be just another white egg in the carton.
My critique spoken, I also want to tell you that I really appreciate your heart and your writing. Your thoughts are encouraging, interesting, unique, and often refreshing. I have a lot to learn from you.
Blessings.
Wow, great post. I can definitely see elements of some of your books in there. Hm…this might make a great intro to your work for some of my friends who are not so fond of reading
Stephanie, I admire your tenacity and your heartfelt desire to protect your son and your desires to speak truth to him. I too am a single mom. I too have been through a season of great heartache. I certainly don’t have the answers and I can’t even pretend to know what to do…even though at times, i sure try to.
When my son asks questions, I pray…ALOT! I pray with him and a phrase I use often is, “well, let’s talk to God about it.” We do. I think the one thing that I have learned is that I don’t know much, but God knows it all. I am an imperfect woman with a perfect God. My job is to lay my burdens, my hurts, my questions, my joys, my gratitude, and my son at His feet. We have access to the throne of God, and He longs for us to sit with Him…if nothing else I do is “right”, may my son witness his imperfect mother searching and praying to her perfect God. God loves your son even more than you do. When I reckonized God’s love for my son, it became much easier for me to be a prayerful mother and set aside my desire to be a perfect one.
I will continue to pray for you.
In Him, Shelly from San Antonio
“I am confident and have no doubt that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and courageous, be resolute; for He will strengthen your heart. Wait for the Lord. Yes! Stay with God!” Psalm 27
Merie thanks for the recommend. I’ve seen that book advertised somewhere…do you know who the author is?
Don, thanks man. I love Portland and have several friends that live in the area…so I’ll look you up if I go that way anytime soon…although I’ll bet it will be difficult to catch you at home…but if your there I’ll buy ya a beer. I am very fortunate to have a loving wife and some kick ass friends helping me with my journey…always fun to meet new folks though whether cyber or in person.
Peace to all who journey.
matt
Stephanie:
I fret over many of the same questions you have. Especially those about the real purpose of this life, how to work out the practical aspects of faith after a lot of disappointments, and how to help my kids to have a different perspective than I did growing up.
You mention some involvement in a church and I REALLY pray that you can find a community of loving believers that can help you heal and move forward. You can’t fix all those around you and change what they have done. But you can heal. And become better equipped to handle each new challenge. I think God does much of His best work through the healing power of His people.
I grew up in a family of faith, but what I got out of my youth was this belief that sin is really bad, sin separates you from God, SO STOP SINNING. And since I could never do the not sinning part well enough, my life and faith became a process of constant self-deception.
I used all sorts of tricks to cover the shame and guilt of all my sin. And this lasted well into my thirties, when I had a “give up” moment and messed up big. Insert story of messing up most of life, work, family, etc. here.
I think now that most of my trouble was based on my selfish need to have all the answers and control life. There is nothing wrong with the questions. But how you handle the lack of an answer may be one of the most important challenges in life. I had become an island, didn’t really allow anyone close to me, so I had come to believe the deceptions that ran through my head.
When I came out of this period, I first went back to what I knew best and found a church that reinforced all my old patterns of performance based faith. Fortunately I was guided instead to a community of believers that recognized sin for what it is, just a symptom of a larger disease. Now in finding a slow cure for selfishness (with plenty of daily relapses…) I have finally made strides to find meaning and purpose and a true relationship with my Creator based on love.
What I realize now is that sin is still the problem. We humans, when acting on our own, suck at just about everything. To me, there is NO shame in saying that. The difference in wisdom between the smartest and most foolish human is minute compared to the chasm between humanity and God.
When I was a white, twenty something year old, just out of a Christian college, etc. I thought I could somehow beat the sin problem on my own. I just KNEW I could. It was still all about me.
Now older, slightly wiser, and truthfully somewhat beaten down by the things that do suck about life (and mostly by the consequences of my own sin), I have a new perspective.
That nothing in life, not having a child, not a marriage, not some spiritual epiphany, not anything will take away the core gut-wrenching mystery in life. I will go to the grave with many of the same questions I have today yet unanswered. But I also believe that if I persist in the struggle and focus less on the “doing” and more on the “be-ing” that my life will be very rich.
And if you can somehow let go of the angst of not knowing, there is a way to find GREAT joy in that. It is like you get to watch a great story play out in your life almost every day.
There was a period in my life where the “why” questions seemed most appropriate. Now I just ask, “Okay Lord, what today?”
And that is what love and grace and the cross have come to mean to me. It is not about figuring out all the big questions. It is that God is a constant. I think I am really starting to believe in my heart that He loves me, and that I am good enough for Him. To quote Phillip Yancey, “that there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less.”
Obedience is still something I strive for. It is an act of love now though, not an act of fear and guilt. And that paradigm shift changed everything for me. I still screw up all the time, but breaking out of the sin-guilt-repent-sin again cycle has allowed me to be much more productive FOR HIM. I just have figured out that life works better if I keep it simple, remember the Yancey quote and try to do it better each day.
So the purpose in life: finding joy in serving and worshiping God in the small ways of daily surrender, obedience, and relationships with others. And I believe from that an even greater story will unfold.
Ultimately, the great payoff does come in heaven. And while life on earth is not complete, I think one can live a life that is far more than just bearable if you embrace the joy of living daily with Him / for Him. I always lived a life looking for the next big thing. I wonder if that is the “more” you are seeking? It lead to my ruin. There is great joy in the daily process of just “be-ing.”
I understand why you and others who have posted here have sought other forms of spirituality. There is a great question in all of us. I trust you will find the right answer.
And I think if you can raise your son in a home where he witnesses the small daily miracles that occur in someone who lives with that attitude of daily surrender, the answer adds up. You don’t need a big huge know it all intellectual response to his questions. Your son will know the answer because he has lived it for all those years.
wow, I just read my comment (above) and want to apologize for being harsh. apparently there are some wounds behind my words — and i’m embarrased that part of my critique was to be more gentle…when what i wrote came across as anything but. i definitely did not mean it to sound so harsh – heat of the moment i guess. anyways, i i was wrong and i apologize…(i wish there were a way for me to delete it)
keep writing wonderful things…
Amen to that, Don! I’ve been finding that following the true story has allowed me a freedom I never before imagined, one that the story we hear in church every Sunday could never afford and it is my fervent desire for us all to wake up to the truth. After many years of struggle my soul is finaly alive. And it is amazing.
As always I enjoy your refreshing point of view. I do believe that as humans we walk through life and assign story and meaning to the events of our lives. I appreciate your interpretation of the different stories.
While I don’t disagree with these story lines, I’m writing my own story, and I think we all are. And increasingly I find I will not tolerate the view that “satan” is a little red man with horns and a pitchfork hiding around every rock trying to destroy our relationship with God. More and more I believe “satan” lives in our own hearts, and until we all look in the mirror and realize the evil in our own motives and judgments, then we are all doomed.
And I do believe that Jesus comes as an example of how to overcome that evil in our own hearts – we see glimpses of Him manifest from time to time, but clearly not often enough in our world.
Our challenge is not to wait for the glory in the next life, but to build the kingdom here and now in this life. If we all believed that the kingdom of God is possible here on earth, now, the world would begin to look more and more like the kingdom.
I really like what you said Mike. I have learned many of those same lessons. You articulated it very well. My life involves so much more joy waiting to see what God has for me today, instead of me telling God what I have for Him. The blessing of “losing everything” is that life gets pretty basic. Crappy things happen and can make life really suck, but I love being desperate for God. God really is a good God and His mercies are great. Obviously life had to really suck before this self-righteous know it all was humbled to the point of reckonizing I don’t know much, I screw up constantly, and pride and fear can be 2 of the greatest sins to keep me headed down a very destructive path. Who knew!
His grace is enough and boy is it beautiful!!
“I give new life to the humble and to those whose hearts are broken.” Is 57
Yeah, Jordan. Your advice to Don sounded an awful lot like “speak unto us smooth things.”
If change is to occur (including the very best kind of change: growth) there has to be someone who will point out disturbing trends, troubling attitudes and pervasive spirits which could use work. The style of those in the bible who engaged in this (usually prophets) was not only harsh, but actually designed to stick in the mind as memorable, poetically rhetorical stuff not unlike what Jim Morrison co-opted to use for his style of lyrics. When Jesus was up to it, or Paul, they didn’t even blink at good old-fashioned name-calling. (I have had various people dispute that calling people rude names counts as name-calling, but I remain convinced that it does).
Also, the biggest thing that anyone who is looking to bring about change/growth of a group needs is the ability to tellingly generalize about said group.
There are other jobs in the church besides teaching, exhorting and prophesying, and the style of how one might choose to deliver those is probably going to differ. But the modern “afraid to offend, no generalizing, give each and every person a chance to express her own individuality by being whatever sort of iridescent, innocuous, nonjudgmental, open-minded butterfly she chooses (within those carefully bounded expectations that she be one) does not lend itself to any kind of thinking about the reform (what they used to call “repentance” meaning to completely rethink) of groups of people, which is one of the things that Don Miller does best.
…and it always amuses me how people can (as Don did in his first paragraph) imply that all pop stars a sappy coke addicts, and no one bats an eye until he says something about young Christian men, and then a Christian goes “Hey! OOoooW, Don! What do you think you’re doing? That was a hurtful generalization which could be construed as superior and condescending!”
Blog entries like this (and its postscript) make the Internet a beautiful place.
Thanks, Don. Hope to shake your hand at a book signing someday.
Don, I became a reader of yours last year. Checking into your blog today, I thank God that you are still free. Thanks for the refreshments.
As far as the Parthenon goes…it’s because Nashville was once considered the “Athens of the South” and so, like someone’s already said, they built the replica at the World’s Fair. Not sure why Nashville’s likened to Athens at all actually, but none-the-less.
Your postscript totally articulated the fears I’ve been having about starting on my M.A. in Theology in the Fall…but at least I’m a 20 something white female who’s parents are NOT paying for my education! That counts for something right?
Great post.
Don,
I’m in South africa. Started reading your blog – then got hold of Blue like Jazz – I love your work.
I bought another book by you ons special (I am a cheap guy LOL) Friday and will start it this week.
Just want to thank you – The things you put down on paper is connecting to what is living in so many of our hearts! Peace
Don,
Great post. Love your books.
Thanks for presenting timeless truth in a fresh and refreshing way.
I’m grateful for you.
–Gregg
Matt- go read Anne Lamont’s stuff. She’ll quickly become one of your closest friends.
-Lydia
Shelly and Mike, thank you so much for your insight.
Shelly, you really tapped into something when you mentioned my tenacity and heartfelt desire to protect my son. I left my husband when I was seven weeks pregnant, and my greatest desire throughout my entire pregnancy was to protect my son from his father. While my son was in utero, he was very safe. However, I knew that once he as born, he would be subject to the custody laws of the state of Michigan. That terrified me, because I knew his father would only hurt him if he was given the chance. So, I did everything I could to keep my son safe and keep my ex-husband as far away from us as possible.
I saw little miracles every day. People kept telling me that there was nothing I could do, that custody would be split 50/50, no matter who has physical custody, and I would need to prepare myself for 18 years of dealing with my ex…and trying to help my son heal from the damage that would surely come.
I refused to accept it. I spent many, many hours praying, meditating on the miracles I kept seeing, and so forth. Ultimately, to everyone’s amazement, I was given sole custody of my son. If his father ever wants to spend time with him, he needs to ask the court for time. Meanwhile, he is living in a completely different state. My son and I are safe, and the ins and outs of how that came to be are truly miraculous. My advocate at the Womens Resource Center was astounded by the outcomes of my divorce.
My pregnancy was such a sweet time of communion with the Infinite and Eternal. Then, my son was born, and my days became filled with poopy diapers, spit-up, messy meals as he learns to feed himself, and all of the other glamorous things that come with having a baby. The times of sweet solitude are long gone, and the intimacy I once felt with God has suffered for it.
And maybe that takes us to Mike’s commentary about waiting for the next big thing. There is some truth in that. I am having trouble finding my stride in the day to day life I have now, and I often find myself longing for the simpler, pre-Jaden life.
I am madly in love with my son, but being a single mom is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I feel like I’ve lost so much of what made up “me”, and that has impacted every part of my life.
Just the usual mommy stuff, I suppose. Honestly, I feel as though I once had a very intimate relationship with God, and when my son came along, it was an intrusion. I hope that’s not awful. I just haven’t hit my stride yet in making it a three-way conversation.
I’ll get there. The encouragement and insight I’ve found here has been a big help.
Don, I’m glad you wrote this blog. It sparked a great conversation I needed to have. Thank you!
One question I have is how the God of the Bible played a part in the Inca’s situation? Or any civilizations other than the ones in the Bible?
thank you
Great blog, of course. Why is the book only available for pre-order in hardcover?
Thanks Lydia. Will do.
You mean apart from assembling all of the molecules in that order, breathing life into clay and all that stuff? God, like Don, does not always “speak on topic and stop fooling around being all Creative” the way people want him to. The Jews were his besties, that’s for sure, and He made not the slightest secret of that.
I can’t read all 80 comments, but I had to say…I love this post. Even if it ended with a “buy my book”
Which now of course, I’ll have to.
That was good Don. One of the clearest presentations of the True Gospel I have ever heard. Keep it up and Thanks! Love…..
Hey Matt–I know several people here have told you about some good stuff to read, so I feel kinda bad adding one more thing to it. But, recently I went through somewhat similar thoughts about Christianity and Jesus as you. A book that kinda helped me figure some stuff out is called “More Than a Carpenter” by Josh McDowell. It helped answer the cry of my heart: “how do I know that all this is true?”
all the best,
reagan
Thanks Reagan…boy my reading list is growint. But don’t worry Don your new book is at the top.
Peace,
Matt
Thanks for this post. Very encouraging. I have found that the untrue story is in me. As much as I would like to say that I live in the true story, the untrue has a grip. It has been an underlying story throughout my life. But I am thirsty to live in the truth. Reading this post has been water to my soul.
Thanks you.
Reading this was hopeful for me. Sometimes, I get caught up in the false thoughts that I should have reached perfection, that I should always be happy and that my salvation should feel complete now.
This reminded me that it’s not complete, and the full reunion hasn’t taken place yet. Knowing it’s not finished helps me avoid discouragement!
Thanks for your thoughts.
I agree with almost everything Don said. I also realize he isn’t trying to convert people with this post, but I probably would have (personally) phrased the over-simplifications of what Christ died for much differently (ie. more directly). He died because we are sinful and depraved and incapable of knowing God. Obviously this is the “conflict,” but if a Pastor phrased things the same way I would question his motives along with the prosperity preachers. You aren’t one, and I don’t question your motives. It isn’t like I am disappointed with this blog or anything; however, those are just my thoughts.
“The Reason For God” by Tim Keller is an apologetic (a way of proving God with ‘logic’ so to speak) book which I think would fascinate and/or blow the mind any one who enjoyed this blog.
Stephanie:
I don’t have any real answers, but I do have one more thought about what you said. Thanks to Don for letting us hijack your blog.
I don’t think there is anything awful about feeling like your child has upset your life, spiritually or in any other way. Your love for your son is clear. And there isn’t any point in denying that being a single mom is just rough.
I often think back two decades to my college years as my most spiritually “pure” period. I thought I was busy then, but little did I know what was to come with “real” life. I was so God focused it seemed. Did a lot of studying and learning and prayer. It felt really great. And it WAS great for that season of life.
But then life actually got complicated… with further schooling, marriage, kids number one, two and three, work… there was less opportunity for dedicated God time. I am always impressed by people who can put a lot of dedicated time in, but I think I am finally at the point where I have forgiven myself for not really getting back to that place.
I understand that ours is a “jealous God” who wants us to lay down our lives for Him. But I see that differently now than I used to.
I have come to believe that God’s goal for us isn’t really to have us stop everything else for Him. It really is far more important to include Him in a way that He sort of oozes through the cracks and pores of your life. LIVE YOUR LIFE and include Him in every aspect of the journey. Truthfully, as a total control freak, I have found that a whole lot harder than finding the focused time.
I know focused time, quiet times, even weekend sabatticals, and so forth are great and finding time to really listen to God is a blessing. But He’s also willing to just be with you at every little cranky turn and twist in your life if you will let Him.
I don’t think that there is a set script for it all though. He is big enough to work with everyone in a different way, and likely have that way change multiple times throughout ones life as the “seasons” change.
I guess what I am getting at is this. You talk about hoping to “hit your stride” with it all. And that may happen. But I have in my life had to come to grips with the fact that more often that not there is NO stride. It is more a series of infinite stops and starts, hops and stumbles. And it is fun when there is a period for a while where I get to cruise, but I usually learn more when I am scraping my knees.
Nothing profound here. Just a thought or two.
Wow, Mike. You may not think that what you have said is profound, but it really did speak to me.
I guess that, in most areas of life, you really don’t ever hit a stride. Life is not a consistent up or down, but it is a mixture of both. Life ebbs and flows, so it is not reasonable to expect that I would hit my stride in my spiritual life–kid or no kid.
As to being a single mother, this is one of the nights where I feel the weight of that burden. My son has had a virus, and he has needed constant attention. For the last three days, I have had to hold him during his waking moment, or be willing to endure his screams. He needs constant attention, and this is one of those days when I wish I had someone to nudge and say, “It’s your turn.”
Being a single mom is hard, in so many ways. I feel like my son was born holding about 50% of my intellect in his tight little fist. Parts of my brain that were once occupied with contemplating the deeper aspects of our existence are now occupied with “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”.
My pregnancy was such an amazingly beautiful time in my life. I had new life growing in my womb, and I could literally see that life growing stronger before my eyes. My spiritual life was more intimate than ever, and I felt as thought I finally “got it”.
Then along came the baby, and everything changed. I am fortunate to get any “quiet time” at all, and when I do, all I want to do is sit and zone out. Being “spiritual” (i.e. Taking time to read my Bible on a regular basis) is just one more thing on my long list of tasks for the day. It’s exhausting to think about doing one more thing.
Maybe God meets us where we are. Maybe God sees my hunger to know Him, and He meets me there, even with my bundle full of dirty diapers and burp cloths. Maybe…just maybe…He understands that I am, more often than not at this point, getting by with the skin of my teeth, and He not only meets me there, but He celebrates that I came to meet Him, even if all I had to give was a desirous heart and a handful of Cheerios.
Great post Don. I took OTBT (Old Testament Biblical Theology) with Ray Lubeck 10 yrs ago and our capstone assignment was to write the story (very short and very succinctly)of the Old Testament and ultimately the bible. What you wrote in your post was what I wrote. That class was the beginning of a lot musings I’ve had over the years, facilitated both by Imago and the great ppl I’ve met along my journey. Those thoughts and conversations have radically changed how I approach my faith. The story you speak of is deep, profound and ultimately healing. One of the reasons I married my husband was bc early in our relationship we had a discussion of the above and felt profoundly the same way: the story of the bible is ultimately about reconciliation and joy and meaning and not about the spiritual “requirements” that the church sometimes imposes (emphasis on small c church and not the everlasting, beautiful Church of which each believer belongs). Cheers.
Don, made me appreciate the fact that the story, the Bible story is…well story. Most of what is written is intended to carry forward the point of it all. Some of the story sets up the context for making sense out of the point. Some of it is attributed to God but really isn’t God; it’s god. Humans lay a lot of stuff at the feet of God and say it’s God’s fault but who knows whose fault it is, really? It’s people telling the story of their encounter with God the best they can. Theologians say that they got all kinds of Help to get it exactly right so that we’ll never question it’s “veracity.” That’s what makes it so interesting, the fact that they probably did get it right with all it’s obvious rough edges. The river of the story runs through it all, rocks, gorges, floods and messes; and if you’ve ever run a seriously powerful river, it’s scary, people get hurt, people die. Somehow, the story runs on and on to it’s end. The story has a great ending. It sort of ends, then fools you and picks up again, then ends with an open ending like there just might be a sequel. But the bad ones get their come-up-ins and the good people are surprised they were deemed good, because they thought it was just what you do when you know the Story Maker.
Stephanie..
I just wanted to say that I am so heartened to hear you even trying to keep a relationship with God in your life. I will not even try to say I know even a bit of what you’re dealing with, but I will say I’ve always held the belief that single moms tend to have about 10 times the strength and fortitude I have.
I can relate a little to not having the time or emotional energy to get into the Word….both my kids went through really tough colic, teething, sicknesses, and my wife and I both lost a lot of sleep ( a 15-minute nap often became a very refreshing luxury.) I cannot imagine doing it alone…..yet you are, and whether you know and/or feel it or not at the time, God is holding you up through it.
But I really wanted to tell you…..I so agree with Mike’s words. God has always met me where I am, and often surprises me with how. He will never turn away from your willing heart. And He’s not afraid of honesty, either.
And you’re right……it is a series of ups and downs. Our pregnancy with our first was like a mountaintop experience, so full of the prescence of God. I read to my daughter through mommy’s tummy, prayed over her, and so thoroughly enjoyed being a Christian at that time…because it seemed easy.
Shortly after she was born, I had to learn that there is no “neat little package” . And it took me awhile, too. But I finally figured out that I wouldn’t want a God who fits into any little cubbyhole I’ve made, either.
Your story has struck me mainly because one of our best friends is a single mom, has been through two really abusive men, the death of a son, and many of her own health issues. She is now with a guy who has no use for God, and they have a child together. She has given up on God, and is a subject of a lot of prayer for us. She doesn’t feel like God can really do much for her at all – He’s just a nice idea somewhere. All we can do now is support her and pray for her.
I just want to absolutely affirm that what you said in your last paragraph is true – He does understand that you’re getting by by the skin of your teeth, and He not only meets you there, but He is ecstatic that you have a desire to meet and know Him. And Stephanie, that’s all He really wants – your desirous heart.
You are amazing. And I think you probably have more strength than you know.
Don,
I love the writing and his thoughts, but I feel that he doesn’t truly love his fellow believers. The truth we all have different thoughts on everything from sports to theology, thats what makes us humans. But we should love each other for our differences, even fundamentalist Christians. I have many friends that are like that, and yes I am guilty of not always doing what I say, but Don Miller keeps doing it repeatedly. I mean you have to love the ones who love Christ as well as those who don’t . Come on. Peace brother.
Jacob
[...] Don Miller writes on the importance of understanding the Grand Story. [...]
Stephanie, to say that I’m in awe of your strength and utter determination to stay with God is an understatement.
Life definitely has its peaks and valleys. Unfortunately, being in the wilderness is part of God’s story. We must all travel it. In fact, that is when a faith is born and when a faith grows strong. (Joy in our trials…)
I once heard that one of the greatest gifts God can give us is for US to know what is in our hearts. I had a treacherous year in 2008…2 worst case scenarios happened to me, but it was also the most incredible year of my life. I realized that nothing could take my faith in God away and that nothing could take me away from God’s love.
Today’s words by Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest were so great for me and I feel it would be great for you too
…”If you truly want to know whether or not God is the God your faith believes Him to be, then go through your ‘Jordan’ alone”…and then…
“At your ‘Bethel’ you will find yourself at your wits’ end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom. When you come to your wits’ end and feel inclined to panic – don’t! Stand true to God and He will bring out His truth in a way that will make your life an expression of worship.”
Your tenacity even when life is the hardest, at its most ho-hummest, while you feel desperately alone is definitely a vision of worship to God. I so admire you!
Be blessed…seasons change, they always do…whether we think they will or not.
“I am confident and have no doubt that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong, be courageous, be resolute; for He will strengthen your heart. Wait for the Lord. Yes, STAY WITH GOD!” Psalm 27:13-14
In Him, Shelly
PS – Still praying for you each day.
PSS – My mom used to walk around talking to God…”audibly” having conversations with Him. For years I thought she was talking to herself, then I asked her about it and she told me a great story. To sum up, at the age of 7 she had realized that God wanted to be her friend, so she took Him up on it. He really was her best friend. She died last June and got to finally see her best friend face to face. Beautiful! I talk to God “audibly” a whole lot more these days…
This is stupid, but I can be at times…I read through the comments again today and realized that I spelled recognizing, reckonizing (What on earth!)…been playing too much LIFE with my nieces and nephew “Day of Reckoning”. Ouch…seriously, I take pride in my spelling and I had to make the correction.
Now, back to the stuff about God and salvation and difficult issues in life…Carry on!