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Recently I purchased a new garbage disposal for my kitchen sink as the old one sounded like I’d dropped a watch in it. I got a referral from a friend for a good plumber, a man who happened to be a Christian, and I called him for an estimate. I called around and his price seemed fair so I made an appointment. The plumber, I will call him Judas, came over with the new disposal and installed it in under an hour. As far as plumbing goes, he was a master craftsman. I was very pleased with his work. And he was polite and kind and even made good conversation, explaining to me how my pipes worked. But here is why I was upset with my plumber:

He did not share the gospel of Jesus with me.

He was a Christian plumber posing as a non-christian plumber. Perhaps he was trying to be “relevant” or something, I don’t know.

So I confronted him. I opened my checkbook but didn’t write the check. I asked him how, as a Christian, he could leave the gospel out of his work? He made some excuse about being a plumber, about being a craftsman and having a job to do, and doing it well, fulfilling his responsibility. And then he had the nerve to say to me that, as a writer, my primary job wasn’t to share the gospel, it was to write a good book. Can you believe he said that to me? I accused him of being emergent.

He tried to calm me down, as by this time I had closed my checkbook. He said to me, look, you know, if somebody writes a cook book, they are just doing a service, they are sharing recipes. No Christian would judge the author of a cookbook for not putting the gospel of Jesus in it, would they? Or a novel, for that matter, or a self-help book that helped people organize their time? Those are utilitarian, right? He was trying to confuse me with his mystical thinking, his new-age, left leaning theological wish wash. I accused him of not loving Jesus, and of completely abandoning scripture in his work life.

Judas then said to me that he often shares the gospel, and he makes no rules about when he will or when he won’t. He said he hadn’t even thought about it that day. I pointed at him and said “aha!” and he kind of rolled his eyes.

He kept talking but I had my fingers in my ears so I don’t know what else he said.

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. It was a frustrating day. Tomorrow I’m having a guy come over to take the disposal out.

Best,

Don

P.S. Apparently more than a few people took this post seriously. Heavens. It’s a satirical commentary on criticism of Christian artists for “crossing over.” But I love your purity of heart. Seriously, though, do you really think I’d stand in the kitchen with my plumber and put my fingers in my ears? Don’t answer that.