Recently I purchased a new garbage disposal for my kitchen sink as the old one sounded like I’d dropped a watch in it. I got a referral from a friend for a good plumber, a man who happened to be a Christian, and I called him for an estimate. I called around and his price seemed fair so I made an appointment. The plumber, I will call him Judas, came over with the new disposal and installed it in under an hour. As far as plumbing goes, he was a master craftsman. I was very pleased with his work. And he was polite and kind and even made good conversation, explaining to me how my pipes worked. But here is why I was upset with my plumber:
He did not share the gospel of Jesus with me.
He was a Christian plumber posing as a non-christian plumber. Perhaps he was trying to be “relevant” or something, I don’t know.
So I confronted him. I opened my checkbook but didn’t write the check. I asked him how, as a Christian, he could leave the gospel out of his work? He made some excuse about being a plumber, about being a craftsman and having a job to do, and doing it well, fulfilling his responsibility. And then he had the nerve to say to me that, as a writer, my primary job wasn’t to share the gospel, it was to write a good book. Can you believe he said that to me? I accused him of being emergent.
He tried to calm me down, as by this time I had closed my checkbook. He said to me, look, you know, if somebody writes a cook book, they are just doing a service, they are sharing recipes. No Christian would judge the author of a cookbook for not putting the gospel of Jesus in it, would they? Or a novel, for that matter, or a self-help book that helped people organize their time? Those are utilitarian, right? He was trying to confuse me with his mystical thinking, his new-age, left leaning theological wish wash. I accused him of not loving Jesus, and of completely abandoning scripture in his work life.
Judas then said to me that he often shares the gospel, and he makes no rules about when he will or when he won’t. He said he hadn’t even thought about it that day. I pointed at him and said “aha!” and he kind of rolled his eyes.
He kept talking but I had my fingers in my ears so I don’t know what else he said.
Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. It was a frustrating day. Tomorrow I’m having a guy come over to take the disposal out.
Best,
Don
P.S. Apparently more than a few people took this post seriously. Heavens. It’s a satirical commentary on criticism of Christian artists for “crossing over.” But I love your purity of heart. Seriously, though, do you really think I’d stand in the kitchen with my plumber and put my fingers in my ears? Don’t answer that.
JESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUS
There. I feel like the Lord was blessed by my comment.
Thanks for sharing that.
you tell him don!
lol! as soon as I read the title. But currently watching silent films on TCM and pictured the whole thing as a silent short – haha! Sometimes it’s better to remain silent;)
I used to just have conversations with people, but I found that the relationships were slowing down my evangelism. So now I just fling tracts that look like fake $100 bills. Much more efficient.
I’m actually too good at falling back on friendliness rather than sharing how God is working in my life. But I’m working on talking more about God’s kingdom while at work.
HA! HA HA HA!!! That’s great. On so many levels. Too bad about Judas, it would have been nice to see him in heaven. ; )
Don,
I’m shaking my head at Judas right now. I can’t believe he didn’t share the intricacies of the Trinity as seen through plumbing. Clearly, God is the pipe. He’s solid and sometimes curvy and just when we think we know where He’s going, He changes directions. Jesus would be the water flowing through the pipes, refreshing and life giving. And the force and power behind it all is the Holy Spirit, just like water pressure.
Judas is really missing out on God’s calling in His life by not sharing these truths and it breaks my heart to think that there will be some people going to the place where there is no water at all just because Judas didn’t share what was so evident.
I think Judas, who is aptly named, should go back to Christian Plumbing School. I heard recently from my plumber that the online school, JC Plumbers, is accepting applications. Perhaps Judas could get in there.
All the best!
Melisa
PS. My plumber sings, “Spirit of God in the Clear Running Water” all the time.
Wow, this satire is a miss for me. I get that we’re satirizing you being all judge-y, but I’m not sure I get where the plumber is coming from.
I guess I’m of the opinion that us doing our best, “utilitarian” work can be part of the gospel, a sharing in the shalom-making God is doing.
I can be dense, though. Maybe I just missed what was being communicated in this piece.
How many people reading this blog are just as guilty as Judas the plumber? When was the last time I shared the gospel?
I bet Judas read the Shack and liked it too.
Tsk Tsk.
Err….Don, you know i was kidding about the lightning, right? I’m with you on this one. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wow while i feel like the point behind this is very true, yet i have a feeling that a lot of you are being hypocritical. I know that i definitely do not let God shine through everything i do and i definitely don’t have the mindset (that i should) that i need to be active in sharing my faith every second. Don i thank you for raising this point and helping people to look at it with that sense of urgency but as for the people that left comments saying “you tell him” and such maybe you should sit back and examine the plank in your eye for a while (Luke 6:41-42). Once again i’m writing this because i myself can not say I am above the plumber in this situation. Sorry for the long comment i could go on for a while.
-1 Corinthians 10:31
Now that is hilarious! I just had an incident similar to this myself today. An author whom I work with has a popular email newsletter. The author is primarily a business author, although he is a follower of Christ as well. We received an email from a reader who was upset that, knowing the author was a Christian, the newsletter content did not proclaim Jesus in some direct way. I politely responded and explained much the same dialogue as above… Similar results.
Donald Miller, how dare you make a joke of the Things of the Lord! Don’t you know that the use of humour and sarcasm are irrefutable signs of smug, liberal blindness to What The Word of God Clearly Says? And I thought you were a Christian! (off to warn all my friends not to be led astray by your evil, mocking books, nor to waste any time talking to people who fail to see the error manifestly programmed into them)
I’m trying to decide if I should take this literally or not..
I was led to Christ by my plumber.
Sarcasm, right Don?
Don, are you the plumber?
Soo…I am not sure how to take this…really I am not…but…I just have this picture of Donald Miller sitting back and enjoying the flurry he has stirred up lol…Just saying…
I thought all plumbers were named joe…
We are all “judas the plumber” just doesnt have the same ring to it.
Judas is a left-leaning MARXIST
for those impaired in sarcasm recognition, I too was indulging there, just a bit.
I’m a little confused as to if this is too be taken literally or not. It does not quite sound like the voice of the Miller I know. (I’m hoping this is sarcasm)
In case it is not though, I hope I can provide my two cents… I am quite surprised at all the “you tell him” and “that a boy” comments. Is this our goal? To catch others in fault? To cast stones? I pray many of you take this as an opportunity to re-examine your own lives, rather than to judge someone else’s. After all, we are supposed to act and react as Jesus would. And perhaps I am wrong, but I do not think Jesus would sit and comment on blogs about the fault of another. Perhaps we should react differently. Perhaps we should instead take time to pray that maybe ‘Judas’ was spoken to by God through the words of Miller, and has realized he needs to take his responsibilities as a Christ Follower more seriously. And perhaps so do all of us. I know I do not seize every opportunity to share the gospel with words, and I assume that neither do any of you. Just my thoughts.
Oh and also… I have to say this: The comment by Melisa about the “intricacies of the trinity as seen through plumbing,” is really a stretch. I would not suggest anyone tries to share the gospel this way, as it will only confuse.
Is it terrible that every time you write a satirical post I can’t wait to go through the comments to see how many people took you seriously?
… or I should say, took you literally. Clearly, you were serious.
Love it!
Is it just me, or did a bunch of folks just miss the entire point? Perhaps a dusting-off of Gulliver’s Travels is in order…
freakin’ awesome. (i don’t get some of the comments, though, but who cares. sarcasm is a viable form of communication!)
Convicted.
I’m with Ben on this.
How many of us are the only Christians at our own job? Of those, how many do we confess our faith to? To tell of Gods greatness in our lives amidst our struggles is what we are called to do. If this is true I find it disheartening, if this is satire I find it masterful. Although if the Plumber is a Christian I wonder does he have a sign on his truck? If so, then odds are he suspects you’re probably already a Christian. Plus your face, Don, isn’t exactly hard to find. I once had an electrician look me up on Facebook. Very odd. So if your new plumber did so he is bombarded by your fan pages. Anyway, I get the point of the satire. Although living differently than other plumbers may be a sign of Christ. Did he wear his pants correctly (no extra cracks if you know what I mean)?
Grace and Peace
incredible
Looks like Ben a few comments above took this blog literally. haha.
[...] On Donald Miller’s blog he just posted a kind of frustrated rant on people sharing the gospel. Intense and thoughtful. Recently I purchased a new garbage disposal for my kitchen sink as the old one sounded like I’d dropped a watch in it. I got a referral from a friend for a good plumber, a man who happened to be a Christian, and I called him for an estimate. I called around and his price seemed fair so I made an appointment. The plumber, I will call him Judas, came over with the new disposal and installed it in under an hour. As far as plumbing goes, he was a master craftsman. I was very pleased with his work. And he was polite and kind and even made good conversation, explaining to me how my pipes worked. But here is why I was upset with my plumber: He did not share the gospel of Jesus with me. [...]
Saul, my electrician did some work at my place recently. He crossed some wires and lit up like a halogen lamp. Never been the same since.
Try being a Christian Psychotherapist!
Rather than just pure satire, with mockery as its only aim, I sense keen perception in this piece, Don. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of slathering around giant sticky spoonfuls of the Four Quick And Easy Steps to Eternal Salvation at random, forcing everyone within a three foot radius of me to take a sample….
BUT I did pause as I read this, to check my pulse.
It’s unfortunate that sometimes I barely register at the lower end of cowardly on the Lionhearted Scale. I’m thankful for the godly spur towards “love and good works”.
Maybe you didn’t tell the story right, but I actually think you were in the wrong here.
Don, If I ever come over to fix your computer, so help me… I will make sure you have hard the gospel. P.S. Are you ever coming out to SoCal?
Hm. You’re funny. I might have to breakdown and read one of your books afterall.
Your books and even your blogs never cease to entertain the mind and heart and give one something to chew on!
@Brittany
Haha! oh Shack…
For those of you who took this post seriously, I am sorry. For many reasons. But this did not happen. It was a joke. But I appreciate the pureness of your hearts. And if your heart isn’t pure, I am still impressed with the degree of self-righteous self-deception you’ve gotten yourself entangled in! Much love!
LOL
I had a feeling it was a joke. Although I’m not sure why my comment isn’t posted.
Hmm…I’m not sure how to take this, other than as a kick in the teeth because I don’t share the gospel all that much either. I’m quite sure that’s not how it’s intended to be taken, though.
Oh, I just looked up and read your comments on the comments, Don. You’re funny!
As to sharing the gospel, oy vey…I wouldn’t even know how to begin, because of the problems I am having in grasping it myself. I’ve discussed those at length in my comments on the last blog entry. I mean, if I were to share “the gospel” with someone, it would probably sound something like this:
“The good news is, God sent His son, Jesus, to serve as the ultimate sacrifice for our sin. Jesus died, and more importantly, rose again…(etc)…The bad news is, I am not sure what that means on this side of heaven, because until you leave the casino floor and cash in your Jesus chips, life kinda still sucks a lot of the time even if you have Jesus.”
I’m rambling now, blood sugars are dropping steadily, and I should go eat…I’m just sayin’, I don’t even know how I would share something that I still have so many questions about. And it isn’t that I think life on this side of eternity sucks, because while it may be hard, it can also be beautiful. However, I wouldn’t know how to tell someone about tapping into the beautiful.
I’m really not the confused mess I may come across as being. I’m more like organized chaos. Contemplatively disjointed, if you will.
I *heart* you, Don. That was awesome.
This is good, satirical or not, Christians need to start doing what they were commissioned to do.
Ah sarcasm…what is it they say…there’s always a little bit of truth in it. Who were the jabs aimed at? Funny how you portrayed yourself as the christian accusing people of “left-leaning theology” or being “emergent”. Sounds alot like how you look at christians who consider themselves conservative in both their political and social lives…
Don is the plumber. Sometimes he likes to write things that aren’t sharing the message of the gospel at all (except maybe in a very subtle way). Many of his readers,critics, and the public in general are Don and they don’t understand the need of an artist to sometimes just create art (and let people find God in it on their own without big flashing arrow signs).
Also, sometimes Don likes to write little satirical snippets to get us all thinking on a subject. It’s okay. He still loves Jesus and still wants you to turn to him for salvation. He also wants you to laugh and enjoy a story well-told sometimes.
J.R.R. Tolklien,C.S. Lewis, Derek Webb, Jon Foreman…Judas the Plumber.
Somehow you always make me giggle.
I was just wondering the other day as I read all the comments posted after one of your blogs, how does a guy do it? I personally couldn’t put myself out there and then wait for the barrage of opinions that followed. It must be a very interesting place to sit…yet maddening all the same.
I’m just glad you made me giggle! Thanks…I need laughter almost as much as I need anything else right now. Have a good one!
I’m just really offended right now, because I like plumbers. And my dog’s name is Judas.
Well, now I’m just embarassed. I thought it wasn’t serious, but then I thought ‘maybe I’m an idiot, and I don’t get it.’ Pheww. Glad I’m not an idiot and my instincts were correct.