1st – Jeremy Camp’s CD Carried Me – The Worship Project was huge to me during a particularly dark time in my life. He’s awesome! Check it out.

2nd – Today, I found myself at an all too familiar crossroads. (daily, I tell ya) I actually made a date with God because I was so desperate to chat. (seriously.)

ANYWAYS, something that I’ve realized through my walk…which has been a rough one for 14 years (due to me)… is that my relationship with the Lord didn’t change or get deeper until I realized, (for me – because of my pride), it wasn’t just “accepting” God as my Savior, it was acknowledging and coming face to face with the fact that I desperately needed (and need) one. I wasn’t doing Him any favors by “allowing” Him into my life, He was graciously and mercifully offering me life, in exchange for me realizing I was dead without Him.

My faith became MY faith, something that I won’t trade for anything and don’t ever want to live without, the day I realized that I was desperate for a savior, that I had to have one. (Pride and fear can convince you otherwise…pride, fear and Shelly can be quite chummy)

It has been said that you don’t know that God is all you need until God is all you have.

I’m telling you, from personal experience…God is all you need. Unfortunately, (I believe) that is something we all have to figure out on our own. For me, it took 14 years of fighting it…the storms kept coming and as the waves got bigger, I began becoming more and more desperate for Him. My faith began to take hold…it started to become real and He began to come alive to me. When the hurricane hit, I was holding on to Him, and I finally realized that He’s the only reason I didn’t and that I don’t drown.

I don’t just accept Him in my life, I am overwhelmed by Him graciously saving me…

There is a song by Need to Breathe titled, Something Beautiful…it could be the story of my life and what God has shown me. I believe it is Psalm 27 in song…
As I have walked with God, I have discovered that He won’t let me drown, and I don’t ever want to leave His side. I want Him to consume me, I want to be on my knees every moment, waiting for Him, abiding in Him…His life in me is my Something Beautiful…for me, an exhausted prideful fighter, it’s very beautiful!

I just wanted to share something I learned on my date over a great cup of coffee…

In Him, Shelly

(I fully realize that I will have to remind myself of all of this tomorrow…yet again. Unfortunately, the people of Israel went in circles for 40 years in the desert, I am not much different.)

My earlier post made it sound like my relationship with God is all sweetness and sunshine, and I never wrestle with my faith. The reality is, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even know what the questions are sometimes. There are times when I just have a gnawing feeling that there is something I am missing, and I have no idea what it is or where to find it. My world feels very insecure during those times, and there are few things–spiritual or not–that make sense.

Yes, I do think a relationship with God is a romance. There are times, though, when I think God is a lousy husband and He can just sleep on the couch.

I have also been told many times that God is my Heavenly Father, and there are many moments when I am thankful that my earthly father does not treat me like my heavenly Father does. I’ve been going through a lot of stuff the past two years, and I’ve been waiting for things to turn around for awhile now. I get tired of struggling to get by, and I’ve been doing that for a long time. Sometimes I say to God, “Hey, it’s me…Your beloved daughter. Remember me? Can you just throw me a friggin’ bone here and remind me that I matter to you?”

At this point in my life, I have more questions than answers. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but I am also okay with the mystery. I know that as I press on, things will eventually feel more comfortable and I’ll know more than I do now. So, I am okay with the journey, rough as it is.

Wishing you well in your own journey,
Stephanie

I can’t wait to see you on your book tour! I’m having coffee with Susan Issacs later this month and I’m sure the two of you will be one dynamic duo!

-Jenni Brown

I know from personal experience that the answers to our questions in life are embedded in our daily discourse. There may be little confusion, inconsistencies that do not fit into how we are taught to see the world. But God always gives the main response we need. Moreover, we already know the answer, but often choose not to see it because we are afraid. You know that. It is courage that is needed. And that’s also what God gives. Do not forget that Jesus accompanies us on our journey, and together we left 2 pairs of footprints in the sands of our time, but in the hard years, are only a couple of tracks because Jesus carried our load, we are not abandoned.

Do not worry, another has gone through the same path as you, Don is one of them and wrote about it.

Peace

Oscar