If writing a book about writing a movie about a book you once wrote about yourself isn’t the ultimate act of narcissism then doing a 65-city book tour promoting said book must be. I’ve never been more tired of any human being than I am of myself these last few weeks. It’s endless talk about why I wrote a book and why it’s important. Each night I give a presentation and two days each week are filled with radio interviews in which I explain why this book matters and why people should part with twenty bucks to read it. It’s a sad existence, but the truth is, with blogs and twitter and facebook, it’s just a commodified life that most of us are already living, that is to process our lives to be openly praised and criticized by neutral onlookers. So why do it?
Here are a few confessions and observations and justifications regarding the act of writing about yourself:
1. Confession: There is something in me that wants to be known by others. I share my life to have other people read about it, put down the book, look me in the eye and say “you exist.”
2. Confession: Half the time, if not more than half, I am full of bullshit. I share what will make me look good. If I am vulnerable, I share just enough vulnerability to be perceived as vulnerable, rather than to actually humiliate myself so that others can talk more openly about their own insecurities. I also leak in my accomplishments, and I’ve become a master at it. I don’t even know I am doing it half the time, and the other half I strategically list my accomplishments so that they come off as dismissive or “in passing.”
3. Justification: By exploring my own feelings about life, I am actually exploring the human condition, and in writing I try to find something interesting about “us” rather than “me” and so by reading about me, people are actually reading about themselves. I believe this is actually true of the memoirist. If they really wrote all about themselves, nobody would care.
4. Justification: More people can engage a first-person narrative than a preachy sharing of principles.
5. Justification: I didn’t make myself, I’m not taking credit for my existence, so what’s the difference between talking about myself and talking about somebody else?
6. Observation: I’ve actually known a few memoirists, and I’ve found them to be very humble people. Usually. And I’ve met even more people who write preachy books, and I’ve known them to be arrogant. Maybe if they talked about themselves more, they’d realize they’re just grunts like the rest of us. Also I think some of these people are actually afraid to have you know about their real lives.
Anyway, I will keep this list going. Feel free to include your confessions, justifications and observations as you process why you write about yourself. It’s fun to be human, I think.
Don
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I write because most of the time I feel totally alone. Writing lets me imagine someone is listening.
Jodi: I would love to read some of your writing – care to let me listen?
You bet. And thank you for your kindness.
After I wrote that, I realized how near-suicidal I sounded. The fact is, I’m all good, most days…but if I strip down all the noise and am completely, nakedly honest about why I like to write – that would be it.
hi Don. there are tons of comments on this post, so you may or may not get to this one, but i can’t find a better spot to say this.
i saw you read about a year and half ago in Portland (it was the auction benefit for the Mentoring Project… you let me win McMurray’s autographed print of punchbowl falls, don’t know if you recall it or not). anyway, i have been patiently waiting for your new book ever since, looking forward to coming back to Portland to hear you read again. well, my new husband and i were in P-town last month for my birthday and picked up “Million Miles” at Powell’s (they said you’ll be doing a reading in December, so i’m gonna try to be there for it, get you to sign it!). i read the first half of it out loud in the car while my husband drove us the 4 hours home back down to Grants Pass. both of us were laughing and crying the whole way. (unfortunately, i developed bronchitis for reading so much, and we haven’t quite finished the book yet) but even though we aren’t done, the book is changing our lives. again, Don, you don’t disappoint.
my brother is in the Navy and currently stationed in Japan. he invited us to visit in August and hike Mt. Fuji. at first we thought it impossible with finances and all (like you, neither of us are of the athletic persuasion and are fairly out of shape). but the other night, i looked over at my husband and said, what a story that could be. we’ve renamed our savings account “Mt. Fuji Fund” and are planning to go. both of us have started looking at each day as a chance to tell a better story with our lives, and so teach our kids to do so also.
i really hope to get to Powell’s to see you in December. i’m sure since you meet so many people you probably don’t remember me, but you have certainly changed my life each time i’ve read your books. and like you’ve said, i feel like i’m reading about myself. a million thanks Don, for each of your miles.
PS- i still have McMurray’s photo hanging above the TV in my living room. isn’t that where you said you’d had it?
I would be sick of talking about myself, too… That’s why I actually like Looking for God Knows What – better – because it’s about Jesus – and there’s no getting sick of talking/reading about Him…
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But, isn’t it interesting – you talk about how you feel narcisstic talking about yourself – and that comment generates over 100 comments telling you more great things about yourself…interesting…So, I would compliment you, but I don’t want to add to your feeling of narcissim
Confession: I am now on page 172 of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years but last time i posted I was reading Searching for God Knows What. I’m obsessed.
Observation: I really want to help someone else’s story get out there, the Ruano family are amazing ministers to the villages of Guatemala, devoting all of who they are to spread the gospel and provide dental care to people that don’t even have running water.
Shameless plug and promotion: http://www.servants4him.org/
and Don thanks for the gifts of your writing.
Dear Donald
I know you are really busy… but you sound sort of bored by the repetition of being on the road so maybe you could do me a big favor?
Could you please write a book about us idiot, shortsighted humans who only want to deal with the “pretty” stuff in life; and refuse to deal with the “ugly” stuff?
I’m so frustrated!
So very frustrated!
And I’m pretty sure your book on this topic will help.
Thanks, Robin
It is refreshing to hear such humility. Plain and simple.
I saw you speak at the National Youth Workers’ Convention in Cincinnati, and I purchased your book, “Searching for God Knows What” (which, I must apologize, I haven’t read yet. Don’t hold it against me, the life of a pastor’s intern is filled with many other books that are to be read for their internship, as well as high school). You were tied for first place with Tony Campolo on my “favorite speakers of the convention” list.
Something about the way you speak draws me in and keeps my attention. Maybe it is the way you just stand up there with you arms crossed and talk with us, and not TO us.
Regardless, I just wanted to tell you how much what you do means to me, and that you have a new reader of your blog.
Josh
You do in fact exist Don. It is your writing that has encouraged a sick-of-the-dead-religious-establishment-and-departmentalized-faith-believer like me to step out and start writing my own blog each week. A funny thing happened as people from all over the internet began to subscribe and tell me my devotional action of writing actually matered to THEM. I feel humbled, amazed, challenged, but greatful to be recognized. Thanks for being an inspiration.
I know you must be so ready to be back home -thanks for the effort it took to get out on the road and share your journey with those of us that enjoy your writing. My brother is coming to your Mobile show at my urging. Hope you feel encouraged knowing you are making a difference – even by just talking about yourself.
Continue to twist Jon Foreman’s arm on getting a book out please. I mean he’s no Donald Miller but he tries,haha
You exist, Don.
Dude,
At the risk of looking, feeling and/or actuating self-promotional and/or connected to a “famous” author (sheesh! Who actually knows their own heart?!)…I’ll tell you that this latest writing has impacted me to think about my story in an interesting light: that it is not “my” story…or at least that I am not the author…co-writer at best.
I did a bit of blogging on some feelings that have emerged since reading “A Million Mile in a Thousand Years”…might encourage you…
David
My wife got Million Miles from the library… She has a way of picking up the right book for me at the right time. It helped me a great deal as I was struggling with … well, struggling with “me”.
“I’ve never been more tired of any human being than I am of myself these last few weeks. ” -DM
How true for me as well… As for it being fun to be a human – I’m not quite there yet. Thankful – Yes. But, still sort of holding on as if I’m on a roller coaster. The whole point of a roller coaster is fun, right? I suppose the trick is to embrace the white knuckles and nausea.
Well Homie, Your book helped me to realize that a lot of things in my life need a better story to live, specifically in relation to church. I hope that I can help my church be part of a better story.
Here’s my blog. Comment on your favorite, so I can brag to my friends. Haha.http://anthonygee.wordpress.com/
Hey Don!
Just wanted to put one line here–
Your confessions make me smile.
Kelly
Don’t feel so bad…it’s not $20 anymore. Only $10.50 on Amazon. That sounds pretty mean, but if people are fans and touched by what you say then I’m sure they agree it’s money well spent.
So much of what you say is like in the marrow of my bones. It resignates because it verbalizes what lives inside of me all the time.
I am looking forward to seeing you at Youth Specialties in Atlanta tomorrow!!
This post has made me feel more human…Thank you so much…I have a memoir of my own waiting for the world to see. God bless.
ha! this was so good. in trying to find a way to share my art & thoughts in a non-obnoxious way, i have been wrestling through the “marketing” & self promotion quite a bit…. i found your thoughts to be raw, honest & accurate. how to share something God inspired without tainting it…???? prayer & humility is my approach right now but still really wrestling — it’s all an oddly awkward process.
Hi Don,
Greetings from Singapore! I am currently reading A Million Miles and just finished the chapter about you finally meeting your dad and how his words went into your spirit like water. I cried, I cried on the public bus, on my way to work, can you believe it? lol. Anyway, I am curious – did you keep in contact with your dad after that?
I was thinking, that you may have embarked on your first inciting incident when you decided to write your first book. Did it ever cross your mind that people from all across the world would get their hands on your book and be inspired by it?
I am reading your book slowly, so I won’t finish it so soon. Thank you for what you’re doing, Don. I’ve been blessed greatly.
Looking forward to more of your work.
Have a blessed Christmas..
Xing
Don,
as a non writer, I’ve wrestled with this regarding the plethora of books, music etc and the immense amount of average and poor material that exists alongside the fine art and really excellent books, music etc.
I think the challenge is, who is to decide what is great stuff (“you spoke to me, please write more”) and the crap (you’re damaging the public perception of Christ – go back to your hole!”)
Its actually one of the things I like about free markets – a guy like you writes, it speaks deeply to many of us, so the publisher has you write more.
I hope you keep writing – there is plenty of room in the flooded market for what you have to offer and I, as a local pastor, need it
bless you
Steve
Hi Don. I love your books so much and have been trying to get my family to read them for a while now. And finally my brother started to read A Million Miles in a Thousand years and now he loves your writing too. And the thing is, we are both going through a really difficult time and he told me your book was helping, and well I just want to thank you for that because I love my brother dearly and I’d also like to beg you to keep writing more books.
Confession: I feel a lot more comfortable talking about my dirt through writing rather than open conversation.
Confession: I exaggerate all the time to make myself look better.
Justification: Someone will resonate with what I’m writing.
Oh yeah, Observations: Regardless of my justifications, a renewed passion for writing has emerged, and God really got the ball rollin’ through your new book! Thanks!
Last night I was able to gift Michael, my favorite 22-year old in the entire world, the book that you’d signed at Powell’s. I can image that book signings can be awkward and tiresome and while it was just a birthday wish and your John Hancock added to a page, it brought about great delight and was declared “the best birthday gift” by my younger friend. Afterwards I wondered if you’re able to truly wrap your mind around the idea that through loathed self promotion, you’re actually allowing others to use you to bless others. And for that, I’m sincerely grateful.
To expand on your Confession #1: I have to say that my need goes beyond someone just saying, “You exist.” I already know I exist; I want someone to say, “You matter.” You matter to me. You matter to God. You make a difference in this world, in my life (even if it’s just a small bit) — a good difference. And just as God said after He finished creating, at the end of the day I want to hear, “It is good.”
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