One of the reasons people struggle so much with life is they expect it to be something it isn’t. They expect to be fulfilled by products, relationships and even religion as though this is going to be the “Act 3 Climax” of life. But Biblically, the complete climax of life doesn’t happen at conversion, it happens when we are reunited with God. Adjusting expectations, therefore, frees people to be happy and grateful for the good things they experience on earth.
A study done of the happiest countries named Denmark as the world’s happiest country. I believe America was 32nd on that list. And when researchers took a closer look, they realized the key characteristic that made people in Denmark so happy was, and you won’t believe this, they had generally low expectations in life. They were always pleasantly surprised at how things turn out.
So in Christian culture, when we increase our manmade expectations (and trick ourselves into thinking this is faith in God) we are setting ourselves up for emotional instability. But the Bible does not set false expectations for us. The lives of the Apostles testify to this. So ours is a life filled with hope of what will come. We are like that bride, excited about her coming wedding, still thick with the frustrations that come with betrothal.
* Things this post does not say: You can’t be content or fulfilled (in an earthly sense). What we are really talking about here is that intuitive sense that something is wrong with the world and that something needs to happen to fix it. Marketing companies play on this intuitive sense all the time. So does self-help philosophy and prosperity theology. But Biblical theology puts this event at the reunion you’ll have with God.
This video is from the Million Miles Tour (available for download soon) and is also a chapter in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
Thank you for this post. Thank you for all of your books. I believe I have been able to find God in your words and in trying to live out some of the ideas you express in your books more than I have been able to in the sometimes-facade we call “church” these days. You are a special person.
Hey Don, great points. I think there needs to be a balance though between expectations (or goals) and understanding that life will most likely not go the way we plan it to be. Setting goals can be motivating, and in some cases it helps keep us Christians from staying planted when we’re supposed to be moving.
Hey Don.
I totally agree this Story is leaning forward to its fulfillment in that Day spoken of in Ephesians 1.10.
But something inside me balks when you say that the Christian doesn’t find fulfillment here, that Jesus doesn’t fill the gap. I understand what you’re saying – that we don’t belong here, that we ache for that Day when in the twinkling of an eye we will see Him and be changed to be like Him… I totally GET that.
But even though the story finds its fulfillment in that Day, there are a couple of things that make me say, ‘Yes, Jesus TOTALLY fulfills us here on earth.’
1. ‘Tetelestai’. It is Finished.
2. When the Spirit enters our heart, He not only gives us new life, but new desires. He regenerates our cravings, so that our appetite is not for the unregenerate things of this world, but that we find our deepest satisfaction in HIM.
If our deepest joy and satisfaction is in the exultation of His glory, then yes, we will feel that most fully on that Day. But Phil 2.9 also says that Jesus already HAS BEEN exalted to the highest place…
Really incoherent thoughts, but I just think that Jesus does fulfill the soul. Here and now. We still look to that Day in eager expectation; but we still have a joy (not happiness, for that fluctuates with emotions and circumstances, but JOY) that satisfies our deepest longings.
Here’s a Piper sermon that speaks about some of the ideas I failed to articulate.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByDate/2009/4461_Jesus_Came_Not_to_Give_Bread_But_to_Be_Bread/
so awesome. Quite intense for you, Don.
What Jesus finished wasn’t just “fulfilling me in my own little life.” He is and was up to far more than that, and that’s certainly not priority one. Jesus didn’t die to fulfil me. Also, there is a bit of a complex dichotomy thingie between “I sacrifice all to God and let Him have His Way with my life” and “God gives me my health, my life, each day and all these opportunities and wants to see what I manage to make out of all that.” Jesus fulfils everyone instantly? A limited, one-time offer, act now? It is an organic process, not a magic trick. Also, we are expected to participate in it happening.
Wow! I so needed this today.
I am dealing with something today and the best way to deal with it is to turn my eyes on Jesus.
Thanks for reaffirming that.
Although I agree that we should store up treasures in heaven, I don’t believe that happiness comes from having low expectations. That’s not happiness; that’s what Pink Floyd called being “comfortably numb.”
I was contemplating the other day how little I actually think of Heaven, and it made me sad for a bit. I mean, this life here on earth is just going to be a nanosecond in time when compared to eternity, and yet, here I am so bogged down on this sphere we call home with what I have and what I gotta have that I often forget that there is so much more to come, that there are VOLUMES of my life in HIM to be written yet…
Donald Miller read “Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book” by Walker Percy and enjoy it first and then write a review on it second.
I don’t know what to think of this because like you said it fly’s in the face of what so many of us were taught. I agree, and yet I disagree, but I’m glad you speak of it because part of me thinks – you’re on to something.
But it’s a hard sell to be sure and after seeing you speak on tour, it was one my friend seem to have a hard time reconciling: “then how do I pitch Christ, if Christ doesn’t fill the hole in our hearts?” And it’s a valid question.
I guess the way I look at it is, though I’ll still have troubles in this life, I know that whatever comes my way I’ll never face alone – because God is always with me. I guess that is the promise I take for the here and now, where Jesus said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” And the other is as you said, the final climax, where at the Wedding Feast we who are called His will finally be made complete… in Him. I guess that is the true “sell” of Jesus, or probably a better word: evangelism.
On another note, I can’t help but wonder about this whole Denmark thing. Maybe because I’m a “high expectation” kind of American. But I’ve been thinking, maybe there needs to be a documentary that follows a group of Americans, (perhaps Christians) in search of what makes the Denmarks so happy. Could be interesting.
You may be interested in this talk on TED by Barry Schwartz, on the paradox of choice. It’s the same theme as you post from a secular-science view. Enjoy.
http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice.html
While the apostles’ material circumstances-e.g. persecution, long hours, no 401ks, etc. were not good, every one of them would say that their lives in service to Christ were fulfilling on Earth, AND they had hope for fulfillment after life as well-minus the sufferings on Earth.
Romans 5:1-5
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us
I have been dealing with this mindset since I read your book. I guess I have always thought my life would just fall into place perfectly, as long as I was doing God’s will. What exactly does that mean? I think I was delusional. I have so many things that I am grateful for, and am amazed by the friends and family God has blessed me with. Sometimes, well actually most times things don’t work out the way I expect them to. Sometimes it turns out better, or not at all.
Don!
You know, you have this way off putting things into words that I haven’t been able to myself…but when I read it is like a relief; “ooh, yes that’s it, what I’ve been feeling and those odd thoughts in my head that wouldn’t quite connect…” hehe…AND you do it all in such an open and honest way that after reading it feels like a conversation with a good friend…so thankyou!
come speak in Australia sometime. It’s a good place.
My girlfriend and I heard you in Chattanooga and had a good discussion on the way home about whether you were right or not on this part.
I too grew up hearing this said and was amazed to find out it’s not in the Bible. It’s a sales pitch! It’s like we free market Jesus! you should do a lecture on that sometime! haha
My first reaction: Hmmmm…. I wonder how I can be happy? I know…I’ll lower my expectations! LOL!
I have to admit though, your posts sometimes make me think. I’ll be tumbling this one around all day.
I like these thoughts. As a young adult pastor I’m constantly attempting to help folks move out of the disillusionment of “everything in my life should be swell in this single earthly moment.” I wish that was possible. One day it will be.
SO glad you posted this portion…loved it when I heard it in Georgetown and loved hearing it again!
Enjoyed looking at the Mentor/Mentee goes to Washington pics. I’ve got a scheme cooking to get you down to Boerne/San Antonio area to chat Million Miles and Mentor stuff. I work for Hill Country Daily Bread Ministries and we have a great family mentor program as well as a student mentor program.
Oak Hills (Max and Randy) just signed on as another church partner, so we could use a Don Miller pro-mentor push once again!!
My people will get with your people and see what we can work out. Ya…I got peeps!!
This is a prime example of Don putting into words the kinds of things we genuinely (and legitimately and properly) think and feel from the perspective that we have: a human perspective. The bible speaks from this perspective and others. Too often we try to adopt a perspective like we can or must talk from a lofty and perfect “arrived” perspective which actually robs us of vision and common sense to get through things down here (like a guy tripping over rocks because he is looking at the satellite image of the weather patterns in his area on his iTouch while he is hiking). There is good as in “tastes/feels good” and good as in “a good idea for my week” and good as in “good for my growth as a human being” and good as in “good for my community” and good as in “The Greater Good.” God sees at all of those perspectives at once, and the bible speaks from them, but we can’t pretend (or attempt) to continually navigate our lives with only what we (wrongly) think of as a “God’s Eye View.”
Dammit Don! God just used you to keep me a Christian.
BAM.
Right in the feelings.
Thanks for posting this, Don. I missed out on your tour, but it was great to see this. I read your book and am sharing it with friends. I enjoy your writing because you have the ability to share a great story. Even in the video, you were able to convey a story that got people hooked. “Call 1-800….” That’s great stuff! I graduated college with a writing degree and during my time there I focused on studying your writing (and Anne Lamott’s!) style…you get the reader hooked. Great stuff! That’s for your writing.
Don, Great creative insight as usual. Funny thing, I wrote an Apostle Paul/Billy May’s type of script just a couple of weeks ago.
Hope the nasty flu you had in Aurora is long gone and you’re feelin’ fine. Blessings! Deb
[...] To see the rest of what Don says, check out the video HERE. [...]
I enjoy the comments to your blogs, almost as much as the blogs themselves because they’re the next closest thing to a live discussion. I appreciate Jennifer’s comments above, but I paused over the question, “How then do I pitch Christ, if Christ doesn’t fill the hole in our hearts?” I guess I wonder if Christ really needs us “pitching” him as much as He longs to just be in a relationship with us.
I tend to naturally share with people my favorite restaurants, authors & books, television programs, music, without setting out to convert anyone to my tastes. And one set of friends often know about my other closest friends because it’s natural for them to crop up in my conversations. But there’s rarely a need to pitch a close friend to another…they just witness the friendship and the impact of that relationship on my life, for good or for bad.
My most meaningful friends aren’t with those people who buy me things, ensure that I get what I want, and basically work to make everything go smoothly in my life. Instead, I love the people who are around when I need to talk, who take the time to know me well and care enough to want me to continually be a better person, and who offer me grace and unconditional love when I screw up. Some humans can do this pretty well some of the time. Jesus can do this magnificently. All the time.
I guess if I had to tell someone what kind of difference Jesus has made in my life, it wouldn’t be that everything in my life is easy and perfect, it’s that there’s grace to get through all the crappy things life throws at you; a God who knows all my shortcomings and who still thinks I’m all that and a bag of chips; and he offers the lens of eternal perspective to my momentary problems.
I suppose that as I know Christ better, he’s already starting to fill the hole in my heart. In the present. But I agree with you, Don, that we should expect our lives to be imperfect; that our joys will be interrupted by sorrow and pain on this earth, until his kingdom comes.
I think that I was there when this was recorded. Was this shot in Nashville?
Thank you Don. I enjoy reading your blogs.
I do agree that expectations can get us into trouble.
In Luke 7:19, John the Baptist asks two of his disciples to ask Jesus “Are you the one who was to come or should we expect someone else?”
I think it was the “expectation” that John held of being freed from prison that led John to ask that question.
Jesus tells them to go back and tell John that “the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.”
He relays signs prophesied in scripture that the messiah would give and He knew that John would understand.
But, I think when Jesus said “Blessed is the man who does now fall away on account of me” he meant — the expectations that we hold to be the answer, may not be the answer.
We unfortunately live with expectations and hopefully — when not fulfilled — we still will walk away with a love of Jesus Christ. “Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.”
Speaking of cold and barren countries, Iceland has a disproportionately high number of poets for the size of the country. Its almost as if hardship, hope, and imagination are all inter-related.
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[...] faith, well I think that is a lot more humble and less oriented on happiness and safety. In a way, I think this recent post from Donald Miller reflects a lot of where I am at on that score right [...]
[...] “A study done of the happiest countries named Denmark as the world’s happiest country. I believe America was 32nd on that list. And when researchers took a closer look, they realized the key characteristic that made people in Denmark so happy was, and you won’t believe this, they had generally low expectations in life. They were always pleasantly surprised at how things turn out.” (http://donmilleris.com/2010/01/27/will-jesus-fulfill-us-here-on-earth) [...]
[...] your best life now. Perfection and complete happiness does not come right now. Donald Miller is right, “the complete climax of life doesn’t happen at conversion, it happens when we are reunited [...]
I have to agree with Shelly and thanks so much for sharing your comment with us. Don’s argument is very delicate, and if not well expressed, it could be totally misunderstood and lead to further confusion/frustration.
I personally have “high expectations” for good, that He will teach me something amazing, that I would be able to see Him in everything, including painful experiences.
Mary, your comment reminded me of how the Israelites were expecting a totally different Messiah than Jesus. Because of their expectations, some of them were not able to accept and believe in Jesus.
Therefore, yes, we need to align our hearts with God’s will for us. His will matters more than our personal expectations.
[...] Miller puts it well from his blog, “Will Jesus Fulfill us Here on Earth?“: One of the reasons people struggle so much with life is they expect it to be something it [...]