If I’ve a primal sin, it’s cynicism. I don’t normally make fun of people (I got too much of that in elementary school and am sensitive to it) but man do I roll my eyes a lot. I roll my eyes when things get mushy. Every girlfriend I’ve ever had has, at one time or another, become frustrated when I started making jokes as the conversation became too intimate. I’m only thankful the jokes were actually funny (if you laugh, you can’t also be angry, right?) Ultimately, this sort of thing is childish (which is sometimes fun, though) and I have to learn when certain moments require me to grow up.
And lately I’ve realized cynicism stunts your growth. There aren’t many great leaders who are cynics, at least not publicly. Leaders have to believe in something, and cynics are too cool to believe. Leaders have to create community, they have to work with their enemies, they have to love and be committed to people, they have to convince people of their ideas, and cynicism doesn’t contribute well to any of this.
I’ve started a little list of the true reasons I am cynical, but I could use some help. What are some reasons you find yourself giving to cynicism?
1. Its my way of setting low expectations, protecting myself from being let down.
2. I’m jealous of somebody, so I’m cynical about their success.
3. I’m distrustful of somebody’s motives.
4. I’m not wanting to follow through on the responsibility that sincerity creates.
5. I don’t believe somebody could really like or love me, so I let them know in advance I don’t care. (I do this because I actually care.)
Sometimes, changing behavior simply involves understanding why we do what we do. What this means is that, when I’m cynical, I just need to understand why, then move on, not really trying to change, but allowing the seeds of understanding to grow. I’ll be eager to read some of your reasons for being cynical, too.
[...] PS. If you want to read more from Donald Miller on cynicism you can read it here. [...]