Well, at least we hope to.
We are having a big fundraiser this summer involving garage sales. And we are looking for Garage Sale Hosts, which is where you come in.
All you need to do is host a garage sale and donate all or part of the proceeds to The Mentoring Project. In exchange for this, we will change a kids whole freaking life forever.
So in exchange for you selling this leg lamp over here on the left we recruit dudes like this on the right to throw kids in the air until they explode with happiness.
The last thing I want to do is manipulate your emotions. But I just have to reiterate the fact that if you sell your crap, we can provide love for a kid who isn’t as loved as he’s supposed to be.
See this sad kid. He’s shopping at a garage sale. You know why he’s sad? He’s sad because he wanted to buy a dad at the garage sale but they didn’t have one.
So here’s how you can get involved in three easy steps:
1. Decide to host a garage sale. This involves going to the nearest mirror and saying to yourself, I am going to host a garage sale.
2. Stockpile stuff in your garage that you want to sell.
3. Recruit your friends to stockpile their stuff in your garage for the garage sale.
4. Pick a date for your garage sale. Saturdays work best, with a blowout on Sunday afternoon. (The weekend after Fathers Day is the official TMP Garage sale date, but honestly, it doesn’t matter.)
5. Go through your friends stuff to see what you want to keep. Put those things under your bed.
6. Label that stuff with stickers for the big money.
7. Make some huge announcement at your church or in your cooking class.
8. If there are other garage sales on your block, spread rumors that their stuff has lice on it. Or dog pee.
9. Do live demonstrations for the various products. (Study up on the shamwow infomercials.)
10. Count the dough, then write us a check for some or all of it and send it our way.
You say, hey man, you said THREE easy steps, and I say to you, I grew up without a dad and so never learned to count. Why don’t you leave me alone you freaking bully!
And that’s about it.
Oh, also, register your garage sale with my friend Amy. She’s keeping a list of all the garage sales nation wide, so when yours comes up, we can let people know on this blog. Amy is at AmyKluttz@gmail.com
E-mail Amy today, and she will send you a fancy pdf with some helpful hints.
And thanks so much, to you and your friends, for selling your junk so we can throw kids around till they explode with happiness. Maybe little Tobias up there really will find that Father he is looking for at your garage sale. Maybe so, Tobias. Maybe so.
Sincerestly,
Don Miller
