I told a friend recently that if he wanted to gain confidence as a public speaker, he should practice. I told him to just accept any invitation, large or small, and get some hours down.
He thanked me but also mentioned he wanted his confidence to come from God, from his faith. He wasn’t being snooty or anything, trying to passively let me know what a great Christian he was, because if he’d been doing that, I’d just have shrugged my shoulders and let it go. But my friend was being genuine.
The truth is, though, he could have all the faith in God he wanted, but if he really wanted confidence as a public speaker, he’d need some hours. God wasn’t going to grant him confidence. Even Moses had absolutely no confidence. And God even stopped the mans stutter. It was experience that gave Moses confidence.
The funny thing is, if you wanted to be a locksmith or a plumber or a cab driver, you’d never pray and ask God to magically give you the ability. That’s not how God designed life. But in those fuzzy areas of emotions, we suddenly believe God is going to act like a magician.
The Christian faith is a practical faith. God employs experience in order to teach us, to develop our abilities. And even then, He is more interested in the interaction He has with us in the process than He is in teaching us anything at all. God is not our boss, He is our Father. The whole world is an educational playground God is using to bring you toward perfection, to raise you as His own child.
If we believe God is a genie with a wand granting wishes and doing magic tricks, we don’t understand the God of the Bible.
God gave David confidence keeping lions from his sheep, then killing Goliath, then running a country, God did not give David a country and then instill in him magical confidence.
It is very difficult for us Americans to believe in the God who guides us through educational experiences. Advertising teaches us that if we invest something, we get magical products that solve our problems. But God is more interested in being with us, than in entertaining us from a stage.
Are there contradictions to this? Absolutely. But there aren’t many.
I have a pastor friend who, for a while, decided to stop preparing his sermons. He’d just read the Bible and pray all week, and then get up on Sunday morning to preach. He quit after a while because everybody thought his sermons were terrible.
The truth is, if you do the work and gain the experience, you’ll have more confidence because you’ll actually know what you’re doing, and you will have spent some great time with God.
i’m with you on this one. i accepted the invitations that came as God’s way of calling me out of my boat onto the water. sometimes i sank but sometimes i walked. the more i tried though, the more i found that God gave me the strength and confidence i needed…..i mean, how was i to know how much confidence God gave me until i actually stepped up to take on my giant???? great topic, keep on with what you’re doin brother!!
peace
Donald, do you realize how often you say (well, write) “The truth is . . .?” I am a teacher, so the truth is (!) I have fallen into this habit myself. I am NOT complaining . . . I love the way you share your truths. e
Thanks for pointing out the pattern. That helps me a great deal. THANKS.
Are you being sarcastic? I’m a writing teacher and was observing (and hopefully encouraging), not criticizing.
At firt I questioned what you wrote.
Then I read parts of the bible myself.
And I agree with everything.
Its like looking for a job you can pray but most likely if thats all you do you will not get one until up and actually start looking for a job. I have to do my part as well.
Very inspiring and as always insightful. Thanks
Don:
I wonder if part of God giving me confidence to do something is letting me fail a few times and know that it’s not that bad? I don’t think I can ever be confident in something without really failing at it (and then getting up and getting better).
Confidence is something like courage. You can’t have it sitting on your couch. You get courage (and confidence) when you are out doing something.
Though I say all of this with confidence, I’ve spent years trying to figure out what is my job and what is God’s job and I still don’t know for sure. That’s for making me thing.
Thanks,
Brad
Much agreed, Brad. I think we forget how much God allows for us to experience failure. It can actually be sort of exciting, if you have a strong faith. That is, if it doesn’t affect your understanding of God’s love. It’s like you and He are on an adventure…
But do you ever feel as if God’s sometimes constant allowance of your failure is a sign? Like He wants you headed in another direction? I do. I don’t know if it’s right to think this, but I think that the more I fail the more I feel God pulling me in another direction. Or maybe it’s just Him picking me up from the fall…
I’m not sure…just a thought.
It could be that you’re just tired of failing and ready to move on. I think we sometimes bring God into the “guidance” category when really HE is just with us on the journey, no matter where we go.
Good point, I agree. Sometimes I just question whether what I want is also what He wants. But I figure that if I’m passionate about God, then I can trust my passions.
I agree with the thought that God is with us and for us, in whatever choice we make.
but…
I do think at times, God specifically directs our steps for the sake of other people, as well as our growth. He does have a will, and desires for specific things. The old and new testaments have examples of the Lord speaking to ordinary people and instructing them to do specific things. It’s not just ‘big’ things like healing or prophecy, which he still does, but maybe just to call someone and listen, or reconcile a relationship with someone, which in the scheme of things, is just as relevant as anything supernatural. What I’m saying is that he does call everyone to ‘do’ things in life, from time to time.
Resistance can be a sign of us being on the right track, since there is an enemy trying to keep us from doing the will of the Father. But, sometimes God does tell us to leave, and his grace is no longer there for whatever we may be hanging onto. God is very willing to tell us over and over, and confirm what He’s saying.
With all that said, I do agree with what you seem to be conveying in your messages; Sonship and Daughtership first, then service. At least, thats what I hear underlying in your books and blog posts. Otherwise this whole thing just becomes a religious exercise, and wasted.
Don, I agree with making the gospel accessible to everyone, in simple language, but some things can be lost that are very important.
Sometimes I feel like God wants me to remove the aluminum foil from all that useless packaging that is going into the trash and roll it into a big ball to His glory, but then I think maybe not. I get really confused when reading the Bible because words are so imprecise and mean different things to different people and I think if I were as smart as God, language would be the last thing I would use for communication with limited human beings. God speaks more clearly in fractals and spirals but nobody really notices because they are satisfying themselves with interpreting words. It all leads back to the big foil ball.
Great post. I think years of exposure to the “name-it-and –claim-it” church have caused me to believe that God will “magically” step in and save the day if one has enough faith or completes the right amount of “works” (or donates a lot of money). Your views are much more realistic and very pertinent to me now as I have been trying to sell my house that I moved away from a year ago, and was hoping for a miracle:-) After all, the tax credit expires Friday!
I think in the back of my mind, from years of exposure to flawed theology, I have this idea that God only steps in to rescue the people He truly likes or the people who doing exactly what He has “called” them to do? Ridiculous, I know. I should instead view the housing crisis as a lesson learned, lol! Perhaps, an educational experience? Thank you– I appreciate your books and blog. They have really helped me return to my faith, and leave prosperity gospel behind.
Read about Abram in the old testament. God told him that he would have a son with his wife Sarai; Abram was 100 and Sarai was in her 70s. They both doubted and doubted, even circumventing what God had told them. Both agreed that Abram should sleep with their servant, which he then had a son with, Ishmael.
God came back to Abram over and over, reaffirming the fact that He is reliable, all-powerful, and always true, despite their doubt and lack of faith, even after they had sinned. God’s will was not swayed by their sin. Eventually, Abram had a son with his wife, just as the Lord told them, exactly when he said they would.
If God’s moving were dependent on our ability to have enough faith or serving the ‘right’ way, he wouldn’t do anything, because our love is fickle. We fail, over and over.
If it weren’t for his grace, and Jesus stepping into where we fail, we wouldn’t be anywhere but dieing.
Thats my argument against Word of Faith Gospels. They distort the Grace of the Gospel and make it unattainable to anyone not perfect (all of us).
Well said! We nvr jst opn our mouths when we are hngy &wait 4 food to magically hpn. We actively prticipte n the process…or else strve!
This may not be a deep theological conclusion, but as I have gotten older, I can really see how God does help those who help themselves.
It’s interesting, Sio, because when I was younger that would have been offensive, but I think there is a bit of truth to it. Except I don’t know that God is helping some and not helping others, as much as He teaches principals of farming, if you will, and as you learn them, you are better off. That said, though, we live in the luxury of America, with a government that is not corrupt. Those same principles in another country would not work. Lots to think about.
A fiction book, “The Poisonwood Bible” by Barbara Kingsolver poses similar ideas…if you haven’t already, I suggest you look into it.
Corrupt is a relative term – ha. Certain governors indicted for corruption, others such as former VPs somehow evading indictment and still other if not the majority of politians blatantly bending rules or trying to for the sake of their donors…All in all I agree to some extent with the comment – but the idea that those that work hard prosper in this country is sadly a myth…
Good point. The problem with the Christian viewpoint is that it actually encourages this pattern of having to either judge or relativize everything in order to make our point. There is clearly so much corruption in this country and its govt. but Don’s point required that he relativize the corruption. Unless you’re way into linguistics, we all just accept this condition as inevitable. If there was truly a cosmic being who was interested in “saving” humanity, he/she would save us from from our enslavement to all this bullshit “knowledge” in the form of judgments and language games.
This makes me think of Malcolm Gladwell’s premise in his book Outliers: Sure, some people are “lucky” or extra genius, but it’s pure time and effort that leads to success. Gladwell suggests it takes at least 10,000 hours of practice before we can be really good at something, and I believe it.
While I don’t think God is in the business of granting people passes that allow them to magically skip over that long growth process, I do believe he’s in the business of feeding our desires and excitement, motivating us when we grow weary, and helping us believe in ourselves when we begin to lose hope.
Seriously needed to hear this today. Thanks, Don.
This is exactly what was on my mind when I shared about the Commit to September campaign in my classes today. I wanted to share what I believed in as important, U.S. aid in the development in Haiti within various measures such as education, health, and other social rights. Thankfully many were interested and supported the petition by signing their names. I’m thankful that God gives us opportunities to grow and not change us with the wave of a wand but through real and sometimes tough situations. We serve a great God!
It’s funny how as a kid, I got involved and tried all kinds of things (writing, art, sports, adventures, etc.) without thinking too much about “failure” or what others might think. And I enjoyed it all and did well. I get sad thinking of how, as an adult, I get ideas of how I want to be, what I want to do, but struggle with putting it all into action. I don’t know how it happens, but I think sometimes as adults, we fail to see the “newness” in each day- thinking we’ve tried this or that. Plus, I admit, I struggle with looking at the value of those collective little steps. I want the whole shabang right away. (I’m not proud of that and will keep working on getting that kind of mentality changed.)
The whole thing reminds me of a sermon once about the woman Elijah visited who God provided for by giving her just enough flour and oil each day to survive. My pastor spoke of how if he were God, he’d have wanted her to walk out to the barn, open the doors, and see the barn filled with sheep, goats, grain, chickens, etc! It would be like she’d won the “farm lottery” or something and I thought, “Yeah! That would be cool!” That being said, I know you- and many others- are right in the department that God “is more interested in the interaction He has with us in the process” in the little things. I know it, but it still makes me want to take a nap sometimes verses getting out there and DOING things. Egads.
Donna
Getting confidence from God.
Wow. That’s a tough one.
What if you know, or at least have a really good idea about what you’re supposed to do in life and you’re afraid of asking for the confidence because it means that in a way you’re accepting that challenge? It would mean that by taking His hand and allowing yourself to be led in the right direction, it would change the entire course of your life?
I believe that we all have a purpose. I have to believe that the experiences that we have endured are just a teaser to hone our skills for what lies ahead.
I pray for guidance, for strength to try to follow His clues to where my life turns and dips, but the strength to let go of all the what-ifs and just follow is really, really tough.
I think asking for strength, for confidence, is also saying “I’m ready to accept Your will, help me to carry it out.”
If I am not ready to accept the challenge because of fear or because I am still recovering from the teaser, do you think it self serving to ask for confidence for my own purposes, to simply become stronger?
This reminds me of the movie “Rudy”…I love that movie. It reminds me that just because God has (or had not in his case) blessed each person with certain talents doesn’t mean that we can loafe through life not trying or exercising them.
Up through high school, I always had good grades without even really trying very hard. When I got to college, I was pretty much stunned that I was going to have to actually make an effort and, honestly, I’m not sure that I knew how to work for something that I wanted…then maybe it was a fear of failure that I used as an excuse for not trying and in the end, I didn’t get what I’d always wanted…well, at least not at this point in my life. It may be the one thing I *sort of* regret.
But, that’s why I cry every time I watch that movie…because I’m reminded that the harder we work at something or towards some goal, God is going to open doors…maybe small ones, but doors nonetheless.
Right now I’m faced with a long-term project that I know is not going to be easy, but He is opening a new door each day and working towards getting there feels good…even in the small ways. And, I have the confidence that I know what to do once I get to Austin—because I’ve worked for this here in ATL and know that it can be done.
[...] How to Get Confidence From God [...]
Hi Don,
I feel way too old to be still learning this kind of thing, but … no, I don’t own my confidence. Well, maybe sometimes in my head, but not in my bones. For many years now I’ve been trying to rid myself of kooky notions such as you mention in this post. I’m 48 and my past accomplishments still don’t seem to count with the evil critic that lurks within me, sabotaging efforts toward growth. Yet I’m taking steps toward living with passion because I have been realizing how important it is for all of us to be healthy and moving forward toward that which he’s put in our hearts to do.
When I was a worship leader, there were often Sunday mornings where I thought my confidence and experience would get me through, particularly on mornings where I was unprepared or had been up late the night before. Sometimes, I could pull it off. Most times, I just spent the time I should have been leading worship praying to myself that God would give me the confidence to get through the set. What a waste of time.
I used to ask God for confidence, inspiration, courage….all the things which preparation and a good nights sleep would have given me.
I stopped worship leading. I couldnt make it a priority, and didnt have time to prepare properly. I thought it was pretty daggy of me to expect God to show up and give me what I was supposed to give myself through preparation and the exercise of my good character.
I used to lead worship, and I quit for the same reasons; thinking I wasn’t good enough. I would stay awake at night worrying about the worship set, praying that people would be able to interact with the Lord, despite my potential failure as a worship leader.
In hindsight, it all comes down to one thing… The enemy telling me I wasn’t equipped enough, or wasn’t holy enough, or wasn’t talented enough, wasn’t gifted enough… blah blah blah.
The enemy tries to undermine what the Lord is doing.
Not trying to tell you what to do, but don’t let the enemy bully you into not doing what the Lord has called you to do. (if indeed leading worship is what he has called you to; only He can tell you that) Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
..and if we stop trying so hard to ‘make’ things happen and actually let God open doors, well, then AMAZING things happen. We have to be willing to step foot through the door and practice what we desire even if it’s not in the surroundings we pictured. (Public speaking – speaking in front of a classroom of kids. Writing a book – writing your company’s newsletter. And so on…)
The Lord has been opening doors left and right for me to go through. They are doors I couldn’t force open if I tried. I’m nervous. I’m excited. They are the doors to things I have deeply desired yet I find myself not wanting to walk through them. It’s that darn fear thing. Fear of failure…but I know that failure is merely practice as well.
Practice doesn’t always make perfect, but when the Lord is the initiator, His perfect Will will be done.
Awesome post. I’ve been thinking about it all day.
I think part of this relates to the analogy of the God the father. Sometimes we have to let our children do it themselves so that they learn (Like how I’ve told my daughter 400 times not to jump on the couch, and when she falls and hurts herself, she figured it out…) It’s also part of God discipling us, except I think sometimes when we think of discipline we think of punishment!
Hebrews 12:6-11:
6 “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives ”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating
you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not
discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all
have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not
sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined
us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to
the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for
a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for
our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment
all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it
yields o the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have
been trained by it.
I’ve given up on self-confidence, self-control and self-worth. Now I just claim God-confidence, God-control and God-worth!
Great post!
[...] a good post on God’s plan to grow us up through our life experiences, and you can read it by clicking here. Sometimes we American Christians, who are used to getting “our way right away,” [...]
Amen, God is not a magician!
Don, this is great.
I have the tendency to, when i speak publicly at the student ministry i lead, let the effectiveness of my speech determine my trust in God.
Like He wouldn’t “allow” me to have a bad sermon, or something.
Geez I’m a moron.
This post, though, is good affirmation of the lesson I’m learning working the the junk in life WITH God and not “from” or “to” God specifically.
I love this! I like everything you write – but I digress….
I think this is totally true and a realization I’ve come to in the last few years. I’ve been wanting God to magically drop a perfect man – a perfect partner in front of me for quite some time now. I was pretty sure it was going to happen just like that – dropped from the sky!! haha! I keep thinking “why hasn’t it happened”? But I think he’s been wanting me to learn about my value before that happens for me. I realized it wasn’t so much about getting someone else to realize how great I am. I think God wants me to value myself. I know this sounds fairly simple – but it really hasn’t been. I thought I valued myself, but I haven’t been when it’s comes to being in a relationship. I tend to give too much(I think a lot of women have this problem) and my personal values go out the door. It’s an idea if I love someone enough – they will return that love completely. I know – it’s wrong!
I’m learning. I am thankful for this. I am hoping it’s the case that when my man does drop from the sky – I will be prepared for him, and him for me!(You never know he may be a master skydiver!)
Thanks for your posts!!!!
Yay! This is SO perfect for some things I am going through in my life at this time and people I am praying for.
God does help those that help themselves. But, sometimes even when we fail (which some of us will more often than others), He uses it! He uses it! To teach us. I love the God that you love! I wish more people could see that! How can we change the world? HA HA But, if He could only help me write a book first! Joke. Thanks again for perspective on God and life!
I think that you’re right.
I also think, though, that there can be confidence that comes from God and not capability. It is one thing to know, cerebrally, your true identity, and that failure does not touch that. It takes faith to step out in that identity. Sometimes, my identity is so wrapped up in something, that I have to pray for confidence, not so much to brave the task, but to really risk the failure and loss of self-created identity. I can do the work and gain the experience, but if it feels like I’m risking my sense of self, I need a different kind of confidence. I suppose it’s the kind that allows me to fail, as opposed to the confidence limited strictly to success.
hey donald– listening to your podcast on catalyst west about Father Fiction/Fatherless Epidemic. I think it’d be interesting to explore the fatherless epidemic and it’s implications in women’s lives (exploring both those who are themselves fatherless and those who are feeling the implications of a fatherless generation…i.e lack of pursuit in dating, difficulties with emotional intimacy in marriage, etc) Done the right way I think it would not only bring healing to women but stir men’s hearts.
Just a thought….such good stuff!
“God is more interested in being with us, than in entertaining us from a stage.”
So true! I was talking with some friends tonight about our journey with God and I really think He will do almost anything to be with us. Im so thankful for that. Even though sometimes it felt like tough love.
So true. And just what I needed to hear. Thank you, Don. Your blog is a blessing.
Hey, Don.
I love what you’re saying in this post and the one titled “Does God Have a Specific Plan for Your Life? Probably Not.” For what it’s worth, if you’re thinking about writing a book on this theme, I think that would be a brilliant move. Especially after A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. It might seem like it only deserves to be a chapter or an appendice or something of A Million Miles, but I think that (if you could find it in you) a book on this particular theme could be awesome.
Absolutely loved Blue Like Jazz, Searching For God Knows What and A Million Miles. Keep up the good work.
Zach
I wonder how much personality plays into getting confidence? I too, suffer from having a lack of confidence when it comes to public speaking. In college, I trained for full-time ministry, specifically in the area of public speaking. I spent almost 20 years in youth ministry, teaching a couple times a week on a weekly basis. I spent time as a substitute teacher. I’ve led small groups, both youth and adult. I’ve given a speech in front of corporate executives in teaching about inventory control. I am president of a non-profit organization where I am called upon to speak publically. I’ve spoken literally thousands of times, yet am still terrified to stand in front of a crowd to speak and could never, ever do anything ‘off the cuff’. I can’t even pray publically or give testimony at church among my friends without stumbling over my words and thoughts due to fear (dare I say terror?).
So though your premise is somewhat accurate, I don’t believe it is a cure-all in every situation.
Absolutely.
I’m trying to get over my fear of public speaking because I love to talk to people about what I’m passionate about. I had a doctor offer me drugs to help calm me down but my thinking was that I just needed to get practiced.
So, I’ve asked to do the announcements at my church, co-lead groups and have recently started a freelance business.
God can give you strength and courage but sometimes that courage is revealed in understanding that we need to work at/for what we love.
“Study to show thyself approved.”
I had to prepare and give a teaching recently on my favorite Bible character. As the day grew near my nerves and stomach were getting tighter and tighter. Then a friend spoke to me and said that anxiety usually increases when you are trying to do God’s job. I thought about it and saw that if I just teach what God showed me in my study time I will have acted faithfully. It’s God’s job to reveal truth. I just have to share. I was worried about what people would think about what I was sharing. The opinion of others was blocking out the confidence I could have in sharing the truths God showed me. This released me from my anxiety and the discussions following showed that God had in fact done His job as I was faithful to do mine.
Don, thanks for this and your other recent blogs, especially those on story. I’m a big fan of your books. My favorite Christians are always throwing curveballs, taking the unexpected tack – Jesus being the prototype of that.
I always ask my son (11) when he says he can’t do something, “How do you get good at a thing?” And his reply, always somewhat begrudgingly, is, “By doing it.”
brotally.
Your Moses example sat funny with me and it took my a few days to figure it out. In Acts 7, just before Stephen is killed he gives that big sermon. He says this about Moses: “Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action.”
So Moses developed his speaking skills in the Egyptian schools to the point that he was recognized as an orator. But by the time we get to the burning bush, he’s telling God that he’s slow in speech.
Makes me wonder if his issue was how he responded to his exile. I wonder if you don’t lose confidence by mediating on your failures and neglecting your gift– the opposite way of gaining it.
I understand your post as a response to lots of people sitting around waiting for God to act – and doing nothing themselves. And maybe that is the prevalent situation we are seeing today.
But on the other hand, I know a lot of people who take a lot on themselves – who over-own the things that happen to them and to others. I’d like to hear/read your thoughts coming at it from that angle if you have some insights to share about living at the other end of that do nothing/do everything spectrum.
Clearly there’s some often nebulous place between doing nothing and taking on everything where we’re supposed to spend the bulk of our time. Finding it is hard when you are a person who has a tendency to live at either of those extremes…
[...] How to Get Confidence from God – A great post from Donald Miller this week. How do you get yours? [...]
I once heard someone say, “If you pray for patience, God will give you the oppourtunity to be patient. If you pray for confidence, God will give you the chance to exercise confidence…” I like what you said about God guiding us through “educational experiences,” because that’s exactly what He does! We pray for patience, He gives us an oppourtunity to be patient. If we fail, more chances come until we see that God has placed us in that circumstance to teach us patience. When we succeed and build up patience, He then brings us through another set of oppourtunities to build up other character traits to raise us toward perfection in Him, like you said. He’s not some genie in a bottle waiting to grant your every need. If He just handed out what we needed, every Christian’s story would be a great deal more boring, and would make witnessing a whole lot more difficult.
Thanks for the post! Love your blog!
[...] learned Christ!” This is an intersting post about our confidence (my translation: security) in Christ by Donald Miller. He always has fresh perspective. Interested [...]
very encouraging, thanks
I agree with this article on a practical application, such as public speaking, but, there are some things that we can’t have any confidence in through trial and learning.
Healing is one of those areas. God chooses to heal who and when he chooses. We can’t perform any kind of ritual or pray a certain amount a day, or practice healing; its something that comes directly from God.