In a recent planning session, a friend wanted to find out what my core values were. I’m embarrassed to say I couldn’t state them immediately. I had to think a little bit before I said something like truth and art and that sort of thing. My friend then asked what sort of scenarios or events or even people made me angry. And I knew the answer to that immediately. Injustice makes me angry, specifically when somebody is controlling and takes away the will of an innocent person. People who don’t know boundaries make me angry. Bullies make me angry, and I have no problem standing up to them. From there, my friend helped me create a list of core values, which were justice, truth and freedom. Very American, I suppose.
What was most interesting, though, is that the stories I tell out of my core values are going to be better because they are taylor made for me. If I work on books and projects that set people free from manipulation and lies, from bullies, my projects will be fueled by who I am and my story will be authentic. And the opposite is also true. If I work on projects that are not out of my core values, the work is sluggish and hard and feels like, well, work.
I wonder how many people have yet to identify their core values and are working on projects that aren’t connected to their hearts?
In Million Miles, I write about the importance of a character having strong sense of ethics in order to live a better story and limited the section on character to that idea, but for the upcoming seminar, I’m enjoying exploring more tools that helps us understand who we are and how we are wired. A person coming to understand their own core values is critical, I believe, to living a great story. At the seminar, I’ll be calling on people to come on stage so we can better understand how they are wired, and show on a white board how to use their own personality to create great stories.
So, the question is, what circumstances and situations make you mad? Are you angry about the oil spill? Perhaps beauty and the creation/conservation of beauty is important. Does ignorance make you angry? Perhaps education is a core value. As my friend David Quesenbury says, Let it turn, let the anger turn. And by that he means let the anger turn into something good and productive. And by that he is also sarcastically quoting the 80′s movie Red Dawn.
So, mine the things that make you angry and find the core values you can use to tell a great story.
Hoping to see you at the seminar in September!
The situation between Isreal and Palestine makes me angry, and that Americans rarely get a clear view of both sides of the entire picture there, and don’t take the time to seek it, makes me angry. Injustice against a specific group, sex, or individual makes me angry. Apathy, insensitivity, dishonesty, disloyalty, close-mindedness, and selfishness (especially in myself), makes me angry. Thank you for giving a fresh perspective on this; a new way to organize and identify my core values through the very things that work against them, especially in myself. The first place to start in solving these issues is the nearest: in my own heart. Thank you for reminding me of that!
Do you have any other seminar-ish events or talks going on in the California or Oregon area before August? I’d love to go to your seminar, but I’ll be leaving for Kazakhstan with the Peace Corps then! I’m working on my story =) Thanks for all the help you’ve been, Don!
Instead of commenting I did an entire blog post to answer this question, I titled it “In an Absolute World” Check it out when/if you have time.
http://www.thewardrobeandthewhitetree.com/2010/06/in-absolute-world.html
i’ve chewed on this for days and am still struggling with why this general approach to finding core values is leaving me unsettled.
maybe because i think god has revealed most of the core values that should orient our missional lives: love for others, sacrifice, community, truth, and beauty-if we’re lucky. anger? well, i guess if being angry that we aren’t already doing those things in a large enough quantity counts.
am i reading this wrong?
is this just a hipster version of the purpose driven life?
i am weary of the navel-gazing we do so much of when there is so much that has to be done, starting with loving those closest to us which is always the hardest work. this doesn’t require a seminar; it requires support, because it will be sweaty, uncomfortable, hard.
i sit on boards of non-profits in my town and i’m not sure how many of my fellow board members showing up at 7 pm after a long day of work come because they feel fulfilled in being there or because they are particularly excited. they are doctors and lawyers and business people that come because it is god’s work to serve the poor and maybe they feel it is a core value of theirs to hold off the injustice for another year but whether they want to come or not, they keep coming year after year after year and do the nameless, faceless work of social justice.
i know what my core values are but really, i think we all do.
it’s just a matter of doing it.
i’m game to explore my inner anger and try to fine tune my callings or giftings or core values. i’m pretty sure that i’ll find that i have been called for this season into something that isn’t a perfect fit ‘for me,’ that somehow even my core values are being stretched, and i am not in control even of doing what i want to most. that is a part of the wild adventure of christian spirituality. it is not tame. i am not sure we can define our values and then go find the right fit. christ’s values have not led me to a place of peace, rather one of disruption and frustration at times but wild contentment at others.
i am hopeful that we will all be challenged to explore our core and to seek god’s core values first, and then slip into a rhythm that if lucky allows our dreams and passions to also unfold. we may however only be vessels for a season for what christ wants to do in us and through us and we must move and go where he guides.
nancy,
thanks for thinking this through so much. i think it was more or less a suggestion, though. i fully agree there are more important battles to fight than to argue about whether anger is the best route to find your core values.
don,
i really appreciate your reply. you put out good things to think on and chew on. always!
my deepest core values have led me to a place where my personal interests and passions have not flourished for this season. there are deep riches and there is deep loss.
i think this is an intersection that many christians face, one that is confusing and difficult to navigate, one that deserves respect and reflection. i feel the discussion of this reality would be good to have as a part of any conversation on values as it pertains to vocation.
this happens, this pursuit of core values that leads you somewhere else than what you imagined. it is a bit of the ugly step-child (how horribly, politically incorrect) i think in this discussion, the reality that you can pursue god and his path and end up somewhere both invigorating and also draining and unsatisfying. i wish this was discussed more openly.
thanks don… you’re appreciated.
…and on a completely unrelated, but not really, topic, i desperately want someone to start a book group on the Absence of Mind: The Dispelling of Inwardness from the Modern Myth of the Self by Marilynne Robinson.
Good concerns.
For me, this approach helps with is finding what my core values authentically are instead of finding what those values should be.
The Bible definitely lays out what they should be, and even shares some examples where humans mess that up, but sometimes it good to get a truthful evaluation of where we are in the moment, rather than where we should be.
…at least that helps us get an idea of where exactly we need to improve or shift our values.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Interesting. You’re onto something.
Values and valued directions are an important part of ACT – acceptance and commitment therapy, and of mindfulness CBT.
Here’s an interesting exercise – valued card sort, plus instructions.
http://www.motivationalinterview.org/library/valuescardsort.pdf
http://www.motivationalinterview.org/library/valuesinstructions.pdf
Cheers
2 points for quoting Red Dawn.
I think this is a great question to ask, especially when the answer is something like “when people don’t pay attention to me like they should”. I think this question can draw out your passions and values, but it can also draw out some idols.
Again, good question. I’ll be asking it more often and paying attention to the answers.
Bill Hybels wrote an insanely helpfully book about this called “Holy Discontent.” He talks about how when God first speaks to Moses — a guy enraged by the abuse of the Hebrew slaves — He says “I have seen the affliction of my people …” In other words, what makes you furious makese ME furious too.
I just realized my core values… Inclusion, Education, and Proactiveness.
Thanks Don.
those look great to me!
[...] 10, 2010 Last week, Don Miller wrote about how we can discover our core values by looking at what most upsets us and then taking the opposite of that. It’s a good article, [...]
[...] a little overwhelming). Donald Miller had a great article the other day on his blog about core values. Your core values as a human being matter- they frame your decisions, and they give structure to [...]
Thanks so much for this! It inspired me to go ahead and define some core values for a business that my husband and I are considering. Values to test decisions by. Values to help set a direction and a vision. Again- thank you.
I think this is good to ponder. One thing I have found throughout my life is that my core values have changed, or become more refined, as I have grown and matured. The more I walk in freedom and wholeness, my values have become more “distinct”.
On the other hand, the more I walk in freedom and wholeness, the more “fluid” my core values have become. I believe the closer I become to God’s heart and His plans and purposes for my life, the more I care about values that define Him, not just me. Things that did not matter to me before are now standing crystal clear in front of me and I care! While God has always been revealing those mysteries to me, I did not have eyes to see because of my own immaturity or selfishness.
I guess what I am saying is to keep our hearts open to being “fluid” in this process of discovering our core values, so that we don’t box ourselves or the Lord into a place where we go “This is it. Cool. I’m done.”
At least for me, the journey is ongoing…
Hi, I love the Madagaskar movies, awesome film!
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