14Jun, 2010

The Stuff of Good Friendships

Posted by Don
72

Last week I opened a discussion about being judgmental, and how a good listener can listen without judging the person he is listening to. I asked us to pay attention to when we think less of people and asked us to ponder our motives… Now to clarify, I am not talking about judging actions, I am talking about judging people, that is, thinking less of them, that they are less valuable, somehow, because of what they are doing or saying or even wearing. In that same experiment, I found I judge people for two main reaons: 1. I think less of people in order to disassociate. In other words, my emotions want to distance my identity from whatever they are doing or saying. Essentially, I’m feeling a strong sense of “I am not like this person. This person is not okay, but I am not like them.” I’m not given to judgment very easily, in fact I’d say I flaw on the “live and let live” attitude more than I do judgment (welcome to life in Portland) but when I do judge, this is often one of my motives. 2. I judge in order to manipulate. What I mean by [...]

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11Jun, 2010

The Power of Listening without Judging

Posted by Don
0

I’ve a friend who happens to be a rock star, which can be a strange and confusing world. And yet my friend is one of the more stable people I know. He doesn’t get down too much when things don’t go his way, and he doesn’t get all that excited when they do. He’s a terrific listener, too, and wants to know more about you than he wants you to know about himself. In a culture that praises fame, my friend hardly notices. He seems to see music as a service he offers, no different than a waiter bringing more water. He doesn’t think too much or too little of himself. And for the first few years I knew him, I just assumed he was one of those rare people who was given a heaping supply of wisdom and humility, and I think there might be some truth to that. But recently, I met one of the main reasons my friend is so emotionally stable and capable. I met his father. I was at a weekend retreat and my friend’s dad happened to be there, and we ended up sharing a room so I got to spend 48 hours or [...]

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08Jun, 2010

How bad Habits Create Boring Stories

Posted by Don
2

I’ve a friend who helps people plan and organize their lives so they can get greater impact, and he said to me recently that he’s encountering more and more clients who smoke pot recreationally. My friend isn’t a judgmental guy, so he doesn’t brow beat them or anything, but he’s asking his clients to consider the consequences of the drug. Now when my friend said this, I thought he’d start talking about how it’s a gateway drug and so forth, but that isn’t the warning he’s giving his clients. The warning he’s giving is that their habit is stealing their dreams. When they smoke pot, they are satisfied for the rest of the day, they are calm and mellow, they don’t feel like pursuing anything. So if they’re smoking a few times a week, then they are basically not productive a few days each week.  If you’ve read A Million Miles, you know that a great story, and for that matter a great life, can’t get started unless the protagonist wants something. And the thing they have to want must come from their core values, and it must be specific, and it must be difficult to accomplish. And so I’ve [...]

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07Jun, 2010

The Absolute Power of an Apology

Posted by Don
0

Last week, Detroit Pitcher Armondo Galarraga threw a perfect game. Through nine complete innings, he struck out or was sloppily hit by twenty-seven consecutive batters to complete the twenty-first perfect game in the history of baseball. But he won’t get credit for it. On the last play, Galarraga ran over to cover first and clearly hit the base before the baserunner Jason Donald arrived, and the umpire blew the call. Galarraga knew it, the fans knew it, and even Jason Donald knew it. Jim Joyce, standing within a few feet of the base, called the runner safe. Replays clearly showed he missed the call. The Tiger’s manager stormed first base irate, but Joyce stood his ground. It wasn’t until the game was over and Joyce saw the replay that he realized he’d blown the call and cost the young pitcher a coveted place in the history books. What happened next, in my opinion, is what really made this game such a great story. Both Galarraga and especially Joyce responded, well, perfectly. It is rare to find a person with the strength to admit they were wrong. Joyce is under no obligation to apologize for a missed call. The human element [...]

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04Jun, 2010

Bob Goff Turns the Idea of Charity Upside Down

Posted by Don
1

My friend Bob Goff started a school in Uganda where he provides an education for children who come from what any American would consider extreme poverty. But you best not call Restore International a charity. Bob won’t have it for a second. Instead of taking funds from wealthy Americans, the kids at Restore are actually growing crops and selling them in order to donate the money to American charities! Why? Because Bob Goff wants to instill dignity and purpose in the lives of his students. Here’s a guest blog from Justin Zoradi, the Marketing Director for The Mentoring Project, the non-profit I started three years ago. Justin reflects on his interaction with Bob and the unusual emotions involved in accepting money from children a half world away: Bob Goff, founder of Restore International, called me last week to let us know young men from The Restore Leadership Academy have decided to make a donation to The Mentoring Project to provide mentors for kids in Portland, Oregon. Apparently, with the help of Restore, a number of these young men have started growing & selling their own crops. After hearing about The Mentoring Project, they wanted to give a small portion of their profits to [...]

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