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Don’t ask don’t tell is  an attractive philosophy about homosexuality for the church in America, which is why so many Christians favor the policy in the military. But I don’t want to talk about the military, I want to talk about the church.

Homosexuality is a closet issue in the evangelical church. With the fall of Ted Haggard, and now the accusations against Bishop Eddie Long (as I write this, a week before it will post, 4 men have accused Bishop Long of sexual misconduct, and he has denied those accusations while he is stepping down from his position.)

What is so striking about the Bishop Long and Ted Haggard connection is their strong stand against homosexuality from the pulpit. When I saw the movie Jesus Camp (I’d not heard of Ted Haggard before the movie which came out right before the scandal) I thought to myself, that guy sounds like he is covering something up. I don’t know very many straight, sexually healthy men who talk about having sex with their wives or brag about their sexual prowess. Straight men just have sex, they don’t intentionally project a straight image so people will know they are straight.

That’s not to say every pastor who comes out against homosexuality is a homosexual. That simply isn’t the case. But I’ve always spoken my mind on this blog, and when a pastor seems preoccupied with talking about his own sex life and making sure everybody around him knows he only likes women, I can’t be the only one thinking I wonder if that guy’s gay?

As the Catholic church deals with it’s own deplorable sex scandal and does so, in my opinion, in a deplorable, coverup, secretive, non-helpful, the-image-of-the-church-matters-more-than-the-hearts-of-it’s-people way, evangelicals are on the heels of a sex scandal of their own. And the primary problem is, well, our don’t ask don’t tell policy. In other words, pastors can’t talk about it, and when they get caught, they have to deny it, and why, well, because if they don’t, they will be obliterated in their communities. But who’s fault is that? Is it ours, or theirs?

In my opinion, the reason Christians become marginalized for being open about their homosexuality is because of people like, well, Ted Haggard and Eddie Long. And not because both men have been accused of being gay. It’s because both men actually created the attitude that judges them in the first place.

Both men, perhaps acting out of insecurity and self deception, trained the mobs that attacked them. They are the ones who brought a black-and-white, judgmental attitude about the issue to the table, and then got cut on the knife they sharpened.

I heard Ted Haggard speak at a conference in Austin two years ago, and he got a round of applause when he took a stab at his staff back in Colorado, saying he only did one thing wrong, and they wouldn’t show him grace. Mr. Haggard, with all due respect, buying drugs from a prostitute and having sex with him while leading the nation in a stand against homosexuality and also being married yourself is not one little thing, and also with due respect, that no-grace attitude amongst your staff came into existence under your leadership. You taught them to think that way. If you would have taught them grace, they would have shown you grace. Who exactly was their leader in the first place?

Would Ted Haggard and Eddie Long have been open about their struggles from the beginning, if they would not have adopted a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy, neither man would be in as much public dismay today. Instead, Haggard rallied against gay marriage. Eddie Long continues to deny the allegations from the four, unrelated young men, and recently led a march against same-sex marriage.

After getting caught, Ted Haggard opened up about his past. He was sexually abused as a child. He was molested. And in an evangelical environment, having his power, his financial security and his relational security hinged on his heterosexuality, he covered his his many issues. I feel for him. But at the same time, he did not do the bold thing. The bold thing would have been to be open and to get help and to lead his congregation through their own secret sins and public grace.

The lessons: Got a struggle? Talk about it. If people condemn you, move on to actual followers of Jesus who will not. If you are gay, stop acting like you are not (Ted Haggard, after having sex with a prostitute, denying it, then coming clean, then being accused of making sexual advances with a student at his church, now publicly denies being gay. Really? And nobody is looking him in the eye and telling him he’s full of it, and telling him he’s perfectly safe telling the obvious truth?)

Preachers like Ted Haggard and Bishop Eddie Long talked endlessly about how macho they were, how manly they were, how tough they were, they took strong stands against homosexuality while bragging about their sexual prowess with their wives. No healthy person I can think of would combine this kind of strange projection of image in the first place, then to find out they were sleeping with men and in the case of Long, seducing under-age boys? I think there is a sickness in the church and it’s not about homosexuality, it’s the church’s absolute inability to deal with its own humanity and it’s culture of image-projection over truth.

If you have misunderstood me, please don’t. This is not a rant against Eddie Long or Ted Haggard regarding homosexuality, it’s a rant against rampant hypocrisy and outright deception. It’s a rant against the “stick your head in the ground and pretend the world is black and white” mentality adopted by the church. It’s a rant against letting a jury of peers so fill you with fear that you lie to them to gain their approval, rather than proving the grace and love of Christ by living out the truth, the opinion of the jury (which has no real agency) be damned.