Before shooting Blue Like Jazz (hoping to release it in the fall of this year) we watched hours and hours of auditions. There are four major parts in the film, and many more minor roles. For each role, hundreds may have inquired, and dozens or more sat down to film a reading. I admit the process was fun. Steve would send me his final list with links to the auditions, and I would chime in on the actors that best fit the parts. And I learned something invaluable about life while doing so. I learned that life is about finding the right role for you, and that being “rejected” for a part often has little to do with talent. I don’t remember seeing a single audition in which the actor or actress wasn’t exceptionally talented.
When we get rejected, either in a relationship or for a job or anything else, we can’t take it personally. Life is about roles. A person may reject you in a relationship for a reason that makes no sense to you. They may find you attractive and fun to be with, but the fact you just wouldn’t fit in their life may have more to do with a gut feeling that, over time, you’d have less and less to talk about, that the “dialogue” in the real life scenes just doesn’t come naturally. And who really knows why?
If we process not being picked as a rejection of our character, our looks or our overall compatibility, we are making a big mistake. Processing the ups and downs of life this way can make us depressed, and the sad truth is, there are far fewer gratifying roles for those who go about self defeated. There are also occasions we find ourselves having been “given a part” and after some time, don’t feel like it’s a fit. This will happen in every relationship and in every job to some degree, and if we have committed for life, then we are there for life and not only need to make the best of it, but out of our will and humility should make it incredible. But if we are young and figuring out what we want to do with our lives, or who we are, there’s no shame in moving on to find the role that will fit us better.
There is a role for us, in work, in love, in life, and we just have to keep auditioning until we find the part we were designed to play. And that’s how a good relationship feels, doesn’t it? It feels like we found the part that was really us. Who wants to spend their life acting, anyway?