In his book The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell references a study done by the people who created Sesame Street in which children were observed as they watched the show to see when they turned their heads and lost interest. The study showed children lost interest in the show, not when there wasn’t something exciting happening on screen, or there were boring characters, but when they didn’t understand what was happening. In other words, if they did not understand the story, even if it were a mini story of bringing two halves of a word together, they lost interest and started playing with toys.
Producers tried to remedy the lack of interest by ratcheting up conflict, but this didn’t work. Conflict without a story is still confusing. Interesting characters without a story are confusing as well. The producers at Sesame Street worked hard, then, to make every scene, every segment a very clear story, and because of their work retain the average child’s engagement an unheard of 80% of the time they are watching the show.
I reread The Tipping Point recently and wondered about how this study relates to our own lives. I posit that we all do the same thing, not with television, but in life. That is, we check out when we don’t understand what is going on. We distract ourselves. Or, worse, we ratchet up the conflict or numb ourselves with entertainment.
Let me ask you this: What if your own life was so engaging that entertainment seemed boring? I mean what if you were involved in projects that so captivated you that turning on the television would be a distraction from your real life? Can you imagine such a possibility?
The elements of a meaningful story are the same as the elements of a meaningful life:
1. A character.
2. That knows what they want.
3. And is willing to overcome conflict.
4. To get it.
Do you know exactly what you want and why? And do you appreciate or bemoan the conflict you endure? Is your story more interesting to you than television? Is all of life boring or is just your life boring? Do you believe you can make changes that will make your life more interesting? I do.
If you want to know more, come on out to Portland for the Storyline Conference in June. You’ll leave, I hope, with a better understanding of the elements of a meaningful life.
For now, though, maybe you could take out a notebook and write down everything you want in life. If the list looks boring, your life will be boring. So make a second list. What would you want that perhaps would be more engaging, and perhaps even more risky?
Now turn the page in the notebook and write down all the conflict you might endure trying to get what you want? What could happen? What are you afraid of?
Now reread the list of things you want to accomplish, and all the conflict you might endure trying to get it.
If you feel like living a more meaningful story, then go for it. If not, there’s always television. I hear Sesame Street is interesting.
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This is exactly why I became a missionary. Also my opinion doesn’t matter very much but I think this is the most important message that you have written about and promoted, Don. I am glad you keep talking about this and plugging it.
Thanks, needed that reminder today.
Our society is designed to to get us to pursue one entertaining experience after another. I see it in my children. Its in me too, but it is easier for me to see it in somebody else. My son puts down the Xbox controller and then immediately asks if he can play games on the computer. Society lies to us and tells us these things will make us happy and its because companies want us to spend money. I don’t blame them for wanting me to spend money. I want people to spend money at my business, but we become bombarded with being told we need new clothes, or a new car, or a new experience, and we believe it. Jesus tells us to serve. The purpose of his entire life was to serve the rest of humanity.
The last couple of blogs have been scrumtrulescant, even more scrumtrlescant that usual, Don. Congrats.
I’m agreeing totally! Especially the one from March 9.
I continue to be inspired and encouraged by the idea of life as story. After finishing graduate school (and reading A Million Miles) I decided to try to tell a good story and come spend a year in Uganda. I’m thankful to now have a life that is much more engaging. I especially like the idea of having such an engaging life that entertainment and ‘normal’ distractions seem boring. I hope and pray I will not live a boring, distracted or confusing story. Thank you so much for the reminder! Blessings!
Confusing story = good point that I never considered, Rachel. That’s one reason to have a goal in mind. Someone asked me yesterday, “so what are your career goals?” and I had to admit that I don’t have any. I mean, I love my job, and “someday dreams” don’t seem to pull a lot of weight at the moment. Besides, I feel like God has put me off on a few of them so now I don’t want to try anymore. But maybe I should adjust that so that my plotline holds together… and gives glory to the One who is writing it.
Number 2 on the list is the hardest for me. I have no idea what I want. I have no idea what my passion is, or what that One Thing is.
what is that thing you are doing when you lose all track of time?
Bravo! I really need to read this today. I like the idea that God also brings “confusion” into our lives to keep us alert to Him. I think I’m afraid of moving forward with publishing that little grammar book I posted about because of negative reviews (obviously). But what’s so bad about that? I think we fear being exposed as frauds or unintelligent. Well, maybe I am.
No you’re not! Just the idea of a grammar book is sensational.
I think sometimes I measure my success or “should haves” based on whether I became a millionaire or Oprah decided to back me after reading “it” or seeing me.
But I’m beginning to realize that’s just a lie I tell myself or let myself believe. More often than not, success is just doing it, going for it, trying it, and learning as I I do just that.
As I grow up, I’m finding the best success comes from just walking one step at a time, doing what you know you should be doing next, and watching how God formulates this unbelievable picture and puzzle that we couldn’t have ever dreamed up.
To thwart off the lies and discouragement, I stop and ask myself the why question. If my genuine reasons are pure and noble or deep and involve pursuit and adventure or even just some good ole fashioned fun, then I challenge myself to finish what I set out to accomplish.
You can do it…remember, you apparently, you live with flair!!
Great blog Don.
I attended last year’s conference and it was great. If it weren’t for a vacation scheduled during this year’s, I would have paid to go again. It’s Terrific!
Praise Post
First, I just recently put on my “Blue Like Jazz” Associate Producer shirt. It is so soft. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful and comfy shirt.
Second, thank you for your work.
That is all.
softest shirt I own!
Only t-shirt I wear
This is a great post! I am continually inspired by the idea of story. As a mom and elementary teacher I hope to encourage my kids with this idea at an early age. Hope to see you at the conference
extremely timely blog message. I need to seriously think along these lines and make some changes…Thank you!
“Is all of life boring or is just your life boring?” – Brilliant
Thank you for the reminder to pursue a life story worth telling. Right now I think my challenge is hectic boredom. I’m not passionate about my job and while I enjoy learning am more excited about being finished with my MBA than the content at this point.
However, I am discovering passions and getting pumped about what the next year will hold.
Godspeed!
I’m coming to the conference! booked and paid for! But that’s not because my life is boring. Only because I think your thoughts are interesting and I’d love to help people the way you do.
All the best with all the preparation!
Or maybe my life is more boring than I think it is! We’ll see!
I just made a list like this on my blog! Some of the things (most, actually) aren’t very “important”, but they will enrich my life, so I think they’re worthwhile.
Great post.
I don’t know, this is interesting. I mean, is life about what we want? I have children and am a stay-at-home mom. I *want* to be out doing my own thing, but that’s not what I’m called to do right now…or really, ever, is it?
My life isn’t my own, right?
All of this sounds really great, and maybe it fits men more than women, I don’t know.
Life is not about what we want, but a story is about what a person wants. so it’s a way of structuring your life so it make sense. and i am not sure what you mean by “called” to do? and why isn’t your life your own? didn’t God give you life? i hear these things said in church but they don’t make sense to me. can you explain?
we can’t just up and rip ourselves out of the fabric of lives that depend on us. I still want to walk out the door and not come back until I’ve taken that east coast walk, but there are aging parents, and a cat that needs medicine twice a day, and twenty some children who need a constant in their lives at least for the six and a half hours a day I can commit to them. I have to agree with the churchy cliche that our lives are not our own
Please, please, please tell me your life is your own! Give us single people some hope that when we get married it is not the end. Not to sound too much like a feminist but I think it applies hugely to both men and women. I like to think of marriage and children as building something and being able to leave something behind. You can choose how to live your life as a stay-at-home mom and how you influence your children and those around you could create world changing ripples that you quite possibly may never even see.
Most of my friends are married and starting families and while they can be jealous of my singleness and being able to do things that quite frankly are harder with a family, I in turn am jealous of them and having the family. Figure out what you are passionate in life about, and go for it. My passion is reaching out to young girls and working with them on self-confidence (a nearly impossible task in our society) and to be completely honest, I draw a lot of my encouragement and strength to reach these young girls from my married stay-at-home mom friends who love getting involved in their lives too. We are able to reach people who are in different points in their lives and team up using each others strengths and experiences. It could be that your life is different then you would have wanted it to be (heck, I’d be married and have a football team of sons if it were up to me and instead I’m up to my elbows in loving on girls surrounded by drama), but your life is yours and God can and will use you wherever you are at. I’m unsure about “calling”, I haven’t really seen it in the bible unless God directly speaks out loud.
Laurinda…I too am a mom and took care of a dying mom for 5 years…our lives are not always “our own.” I know the churchy cliche and I too feel called to be and do because relationships require that.
But really, isn’t our life our own in that that is who we want to be? I want to be the mom who stays home and takes care of my kids and loves my husband (if I had one) and is a faithful loyal daughter. I want to be the one who makes the “non-glamorous” choices to do what is right and good and healthy and loving.
I just think american culture is doing everything it can to convince us that those stories aren’t worthy, are boring, and are for “losers”.
The lie wants us to believe that so we make choices that lead to family suicide and narcism.
It sounds like your life has deep meaning and purpose. Your life is about you loving on others…and in my book, that’s a beautiful story.
But I do hope you get to take that East Coast walk some day soon.
But…you *could* walk out the door and take that walk, and walk away from the rest of the things you listed. You choose not to, and for very good reasons. Still, it’s a choice.
And, given the things you choose not to walk away from, are there still stories you can live within that context? You always have choices, always have the opportunity for adventure and beauty and art and joy. You at very least have a choice about how you play the hand you’ve been dealt!
Good questions…
What I’m called to do – when I read my bible I see that I should be a homemaker. I realize that is going to look different for different women, but for me, I believe that God has “called” me (in my spirit I feel an intense pull to be home, even if it’s hard) to be home with my small children, raising them throughout the day. However, I don’t necessarily love homeschooling small children. I love the idea of it, and I think I’m supposed to do it, but it’s not my first choice if I didn’t care about how I raised them.
Such a strange dichotomy, actually. I want to be home, but I don’t. I want to homeschool, but I don’t. Etc.I think it is the push-pull of me (sinful) vs. God’s spirit inside me.
As far as my life not being my own, I mean that I have been bought with a price (okay, more bible language). I’m not my own…my life isn’t really mine to live for myself.
I love that you’re challenging me here because I keep typing then deleting as my brain is wrapping around your questions.
One more thing, I don’t understand the difference between “I” and the “person” in the story – not the same?
sorry for another comment, but I realize I may have been confusing with the “not my own” comment after reading some comments above. I mean, not my own, in relation to the fact that Christ died for me and I am now His. My life is intertwined with His spirit now, so I can’t just “do my own thing” no matter how much I would “love” to.
Does that clear it up?
I understand where you are coming from. I’m a single mom and a couple of years ago I was unemployed for quite a length of time. God used that time for healing and growth and I also tuned in to my talents and callings. I started to jump in wholeheartedly to one of them (one that would reach and bless many) but then the funds weren’t there and I got a job. I dabble in some of my talents/callings, such as writing, and would love to stop working and just do what I feel called to do but I have to also submit to God’s timing and my “calling” as a mother right now. Think of Joseph when he was in prison; he did what he needed to do for a time until he entered a (what we would consider) a greater calling. Great leaders and often great servants first.
Sarah, I think your initial comment and Don’s response opened a good discussion. I too was challenged by his questions, realizing “my life is not my own” is not in the Bible, though a common church saying.
As far as the “person” in the story, I suppose that “life” in general is about Christ (that’s universal), but your story within that overall story (life) is about you, and your role. At least that’s how I see it, but I still thinking about it
Hi Sarah Mae,
Do/can you share what you want and love with your kids? Like if you love art, can you paint with them? If you love nature, can you take walks in the woods with them? If you love Jesus, can you share gentleness, compassion, mercy, patience with them? When I’m passionate about something, I want to share it. I think God makes us this way, with wants and passions, and the desire to share them, like the way He has created us to want to share our love for Him.
As Christians, I agree that we are “called” to do things that might require acting out of obedience, which I think is good and needed if our wants don’t match with what we know is pleasing before God. But, even better is when our desires match with God’s, and we act out of the love we receive from Christ, caring for what He has given us, including the person He’s made us and the hopes that come from us as His beloved creations. I hope God provides you with what you need to nurture all He’s entrusted you with : )
There are times when life is much more interesting and exciting than what’s on the television or movies, as it should be. Thanks for urging us all to continue along the path of telling our own stories. I would to know if the materials for the storyline conference might be available to folks that might not be able to visit Portland. Hopefully so – we all need to find out what our story is, and live it to the utmost.
Don, your books have really HELPED me. And your writing continues to help me. This spoke volumes to me today. I really appreciate how practical and applicable your writing is. Seriously, man. Thank you.
Started making the list recently and found it helpful to add the “why” to what I wanted and the possible “repercussions” (good and bad) in addition to the possible conflict to see if what I think I want is really what I want. Checked out the conference site about a month ago and really excited about it. Hoping (praying) for the funds to go. It happens on my birthday and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than birthing new chapters of my life!
I would also like to know if the materials for the Storyline conference might be available as I already have a vacation planned to California in June with family… stay blessed
As trite as they may seem, I believe that license plates can reveal big truths about the owner of the car…I recently saw a license plate that read, ” Maybe the hokey pokey IS what it’s all about.” After laughing, I was compelled to pull the car over, lean into the driver’s window and cry out, ” There IS more to life than the hokey pokey! Got Christ? ” I didn’t however. A missed opportunity…or a missed road rage encounter …probobly one or the other! (Their rage, not mine) I AM enraged when I see the lies that Satan tries to make us all believe…especially, the one we buy into about our lives being meaningless. Thank you, Don, for reminding us that God has put us all here for HIS purposes and that it’s up to us if we will simply “do the hokey pokey and turn ourselves around (and around and around…)” or if we will stop doing that childish dance and set out on a straight path to accomplish the great things God has purposed us to accomplish in the brief time that we are here. (Oops, got carried away…excitement about life does that!)
Wish I could come to your workshop. I plan to someday when finances are more abundant.
Have an AWESOME time!
By the way, our family are wild fans of your books and my 18 year old son is sharing them with pretty much everyone he knows! The best $100.00 we ever spent was toward the making of “Blue Like Jazz”…can’t wait for it’s release. Congrats, Don!
Just had to mention another great license plate I saw recently…It said, ” Why are we all in this hand basket and where are we all going?” Cracked me up!
I’m with Sara Mae, there, and the other who aren’t sure what they “want”, and whether that’s the most important thing in our story. At the bottom, I like to think I “want” God’s deepest plan for me, not because that’s the Churchy Answer #3 or I’m so devout, but because my life (I’m 53) has shown me that there are a zillion other obviously attractive and easy-to-want plans that just turn to crap and dust, and I’m tired of crap and dust. And I know the only story that won’t be dust is absolute surrender to whatever He’s preparing, whether it looks awesome or pedestrian or glitzy or rewarding at the outset or not. And yeah, I know that one way I find that plan is understanding the “desires of my heart”, so I don’t discount them, but I don’t completely trust them either because I haven’t always really understood them. Many of the “this is what I really wanted” moments I’ve encountered were things I did not previously set out to find.
Thank you again for all you do to challenge us. I will be going to the local county childrens home tomorrow. I hope to go to full time in the next couple of years, as I look at early retirement. Thanks for the inspiriation.
I just started reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I think the original came out around the last years of the Depression and your blog kind of goes along with the part I read last night about how important it is to know what we want. Now that the house is paid off and mentalpause has me less concerned about bellying up to the alpha males in my life, what I want is clear. I’m going to go get that masters in English, not because I will make more money in my profession, but because the magic of language will get me out of bed in the mornings.
Don, I’m curious. What are your favorite blogs/websites you frequent? ‘Christian’ or otherwise.
I do understand the point of view that we need to surrender to what God wants, and that’s not always what we want, at least not at first…but if in the process of trying to do that we plow under our personalities, our joy, the beauty God has built into each of us, there’s something wrong.
Some people really do have to stay where they are, doing what they’re doing — I know I’ve been there, for sure. But the stories we live out aren’t always the big, sweeping epics, right? Sometimes they’re tiny little vignettes of whimsy. Sometimes they’re touching scenes of compassion, or romantic adventures where we take a risk we never thought we could take.
I believe DEEPLY in seeking God’s will for our lives…so let’s ask him what adventures he’d like to go on with us!
Oh, how he loves us…that song is in my head today.
Interested analogy to Sesame Street… was there even a boring character on there?
I don’t even have TV because I DO think it is boring for the most part. When I actually have some real down time, I throw in a movie. I digress…
For the most part, I am involved in projects up to my ears! “Shiny Object Syndrome” at its best… I am always looking for more meaning and interest things in my life – that never stops. I have to say since I read “A Million Miles”, I am always picturing my life as a story – one that attracts a large crowd and no heads are turned because it really IS that interesting. I will let you know how it turns out.
BTW, how is your on-screen story moving along? Wonder if I will ever get that phone call….lol Thanks for the post.
*A Million Miles …* changed my life because of the points you list here.
But rereading this post reminds me how often we need our oil changed. Living the adventurous life is harder on the engine and the temptation to pull over to the side of the road to halt the journey is overwhelming.
I’d love the June conference. Looks like a good tune up, re-alignment, and much needed oil change.
LY
How do we reconcile what” I ” want vs what God wants.
How do we know when to wait and when to move? Sometimes God
is confusing. Thanks for being authentic, I appreciate it.
Becca
WOW.. I liked your post, went off and blogged a poem about it but reading the comments was a neat experience. What a nice dialogue. I’m a stay at home mom. Making my life my own has been a huge challenge. We are sort of taught to believe we are selfish to pursue other things besides taking care of our family. I’ve learned this year (and your Million Miles book had a small part in it) that God has placed some things in my heart that just have to be done, I’m not His if I don’t, even if I make the best chocoalate chip cookies and get my kids to bed on time (never have, just an example), I’ve failed Him if I don’t chase that “story” he’s told me about. I’ve totally changed the way I manage my time and sometimes my kids suffer a little but guess what? I’ve quit yelling at them, I’m closer to God than I have ever been, somehow I love my husband more, I love myself more… In a short 8 months I am actually miraculously doing what He called me to do! That’s what you mean I think. It really all boils down to that yucky word “obedience” maybe “diligence” I dunno if I’m explaining it but I do finally get it!
LOVE this. <3 You're my hero of the day.
Life is usually confusing to the world; often confusing to the church [which is ought not be] and never confusing to the Spirit. Walk in the Spirit and be obedient to the Word; life will NOT be confusing.
This isn’t really related to this particular post, but would you comment on Rob Bell’s new book Love Wins at some point? Most existing reviews are by fundamental conservatives who just bash the book, and I’d love to hear a reply from a good thinker like you who doesn’t have uber-conservative biases against Bell before they begin writing
“Let me ask you this: What if your own life was so engaging that entertainment seemed boring?”
There are moments…like when my friend and I filled her cabin with 80 batches of cookies to raise money for a water well in Africa.
Or the time when we sold my art at festivals all summer to feed some AIDS orphans that people I know work with in Africa.
According to your 4 point list…I’ve got #1 down–my family definitely thinks I am a character.
“Do you know exactly what you want and why?”
Some days I do, some days I can’t remember…I have an easier time with smallish projects versus the whole of my life. The pastor talked about identifying your own Everest today…I’m hoping if I keep pluggin’ along with these ideas art, blog, seeking God more, wells/cookies that things will click a bit more with time. Right?
And, only one notebook?! What size is that notebook?
Loved this post so much. Thanks for sharing it, and I’ll be coming back to it for reminders.
[...] Donald Miller points to the following illustration from Malcolm Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference to make a point about distractions. Miller says: Malcolm Gladwell references a study done by the people who created Sesame Street in which children were observed as they watched the show to see when they turned their heads and lost interest. The study showed children lost interest in the show, not when there wasn’t something exciting happening on screen, or there were boring characters, but when they didn’t understand what was happening. In other words, if they did not understand the story, even if it were a mini story of bringing two halves of a word together, they lost interest and started playing with toys. [...]
[...] actions. It has percolated in my head now for years but recently come back into my thoughts. Enter Donald Miller. I read his blog pretty regularly. He wrote something so simple. It wasn’t event he point of [...]
Great insight! I was just thinking about confusion the other day. My life is confusing at times. But it can be overwhelming if it gets too confusing. I think this is why people give up on matters of faith. I think many people see religion as overwhelmingly confusing. Instead of seeking truth and peace amongst the conflict, they reside into things aforementioned. I have been in this place may times before. Byy God’s grace I can move forward in peaceful waters. But I’m confident it won’t be without fighting for what is true, and beautiful, and good!
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All stories are shadows or copies of God’s original story of redemption. He knew what he wanted and went through the ultimate conflict to get it: to show the world how glorious he is by redeeming and loving his enemies. The true way to make your life interesting or a better story is not to make it more like the shadows of the original story but more like the original story itself. Don’t ask what you want and pursue it through conflict. Ask what God wants for you and pursue it through conflict. It’s the only pursuit with the promise to back up the hope that gets you through the conflict.
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Real good word. I think many people loose interest in God because they feel confused. (Me included). “If there’s really a God then why did _________ happen?” or “If He’s good, then why are there people being killed in earthquakes?” Without really looking into Jesus’ story, and asking our questions, this is one confusing world. I had lost interest in the Creator for a while until I really dug into who He is and what’s His story.
Real good word. I think many people loose interest in God because they feel confused. (Me included). “If there’s really a God then why did _________ happen?” or “If He’s good, then why are there people dying in natural disasters?” Without really looking into Jesus’ story, and asking our questions, this is one confusing world. I had lost interest in the Creator for a while until I really dug into who He is and what’s His story.
[...] his article, “Is Your Life Confusing?” Don writes about how a study from the creators of Sesame Street suggest that children lost interest [...]
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[...] is a great story? According to Donald Miller, New York Times best selling author, a great story includes four [...]
[...] The elements of a meaningful story are the same as the elements of a meaningful life (from Donald Miller): [...]