I confess I’m the type of person to hold a grudge. It’s not that I want power over people, which is often the motive for holding a grudge, it’s just that I want all-due glory for my suffering. What I mean is, if somebody is causing me some pain, I want them to know I am bearing it for them. For this reason, it’s hard for me to forgive my enemies. If people slam me on the internet, it’s hard to forgive. If people screw me in a business deal, it’s hard to forgive, too. And for so long it seemed there was nothing I could do about it. I knew I’d be better off to forgive, but how? What are the steps to controlling your uncontrollable emotions?
I don’t fully know the answer to that question. Part of the reason it’s so hard to forgive is pride. If I forgive, it feels like I’m also saying they had the right to do me wrong. That doesn’t feel right. But it’s a real feeling. And also, if I’m having to forgive somebody who really has no idea what they did that was wrong, which is even more difficult, because you are doing the hard work of forgiving them and they have no idea they wronged you, or worse, they don’t honestly care. So why forgive?
Before I say why, I should say how. Here’s how:
• Go through the stages of grief. Let the offense shock you, then let it completely hurt you. Don’t avoid the pain. Sit with it and feel it no matter how unbearable it is. Please know it will end in time. It will get 2% easier every day. Just feel it like a toothache and soon enough it will transition into something bearable.
• Then let the offense make you angry. Don’t lash our or you’ll be guilty yourself. Talk about it with trusted friends but confess you’re angry and your emotions aren’t under control. And don’t feel bad for being angry. The last thing you need is anger and shame. Just punch a pillow and make it through. The anger, like the pain, will lessen over time.
• Then after being angry, accept what has been done. Just accept it as a fact and don’t over analyze it. It happened. This will still be shocking at first, but in time, you will accept it as a fact that you can’t change.
• From there, you’re at a place to forgive. It will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Sit and pray for the person you’ve been hating. Sit and imagine them with a good life, them coming to realize that what they did was wrong, maybe not to you, but to somebody, perhaps to God. Then be willing to love them in your heart. Want the best for them. Hope for the best for them. Stop praying for God to destroy them and pray for God to bless them. Pray for God to open up their hearts so they can receive the love that will stop them from hurting others. This is the only way I know how to forgive.
Why should we forgive? Well, there are many reasons, but I’m only going to focus on a few.
• The first is because, believe it or not, forgiveness is a pleasurable experience. No kidding, it feels much better than anger or hate. God has designed forgiveness as a powerful blessing for those who have been hurt. The experience of truly forgiving somebody can make you more happy than if you’d never been hurt in the first place.
• The second reason for you to forgive is that it removes you from being entangled in the rather dark thing that hurt you in the first place. If it was a bad business deal, then you get to be free of it and maintain your integrity. If it was a family member talking behind your back, you get to remove yourself completely from all the complications of gossip. Forgiveness sets you free from being bogged down in knee-deep mud. Forgiveness gives you a taste of what it feels like to be God, and it’s a terrific feeling. God forgave us because it gave Him pleasure to do so. He was happy to do so. Love forgives, and so does God, and so can you.
• The third reason to forgive is that you open yourself up to amazing possibilities for a happy life. When you don’t forgive, you draw the curtains in your soul and your life gets dark. When you forgive you let the light in again, and you go on about your life in peace. And don’t you want some peace? Isn’t it time for some peace?
• The greatest thing about forgiveness is it will allow you to love again. It will allow you to love and be loved. And believe me, it’s worth it. Forgiveness is tough, for sure, but love is infinitely more valuable than the pain of forgiveness costs. No matter what you have to go through to forgive, you’re getting a steal of a deal to be able to love and be loved again. Pay the price and I promise you’ll be happy you did.
Forgiveness is the most powerful expression of love in a fallen world.
Exactly!
Easy to talk about…hard to do.
This process you wrote out is so, so helpful. I think I often know I should forgive, but cannot figure out the first step towards letting the grudge go.
Thank you for this.
Thanks Don. That’s right where I’ve been at. Hurt. By church. Church leaders in fact. Hammered for how I’ve done ministry when all I was doing was doing it how I thought I should do it.
Getting hammered by authority figures – especially those with God-given authority – it hurts like hell. I’m not a grudge-type person, so I could easily just say it’s cool, no worries, but that would be suppression and not forgiveness. You’re spot on, I have had to take the time to process, sit under the full weight of the emotions, be angry, vent with safe-people, and then accept.
I’ve done all that to a point, but talking with a friend today brought it all back. He’s working at the same church, and he’s just been hammered by the same people, he’s just broken as.
I can see why people look for faith outside of church, cause Christ sure isn’t in this crap. But he is in the getting past it.
Thanks again Don, your words were the words of Christ to me today
Mark, I feel your pain. There was a season of life where church was the most dangerous place for my family, and I walk the streets of New York City every day. While culture and tradition gives too much credence to figureheads in church, like the Israelites agitating Samuel for a king like their pagan neighbors, I think it helps to process this by realizing that, while we need to hold the agents of abuse accountable, we also need to realize that maybe the church has strayed farther from Acts 2, Ephesians 4, 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1, and many other scriptures which give us clear patterns on church polity. A well meaning person who wants to enter the full time ministry and earn a higher degree from seminary only wants to serve God–its the economic realities of raising a family on a small salary and the difficulties of exercising influence among the flock that turns some to the dark side. It takes years to mourn and heal, and I still carry the scars. But I have a deeper understanding of God’s plan for the church in our time as well, and have really improved my peacemaking and reconciliation game. Thanks for sharing, and I am optimistic that you will emerge stronger from these trials, and will help prevent abuse and aid the healing of others, because of your experience.
Mark, a year ago I would have patted your shoulder out of sympathy, but now I stand with you. As you may have guessed, I too, was hammered by my own church last August. Even worse, I was LIED to by the leaders. They made up reasons they wanted me as a volunteer servant to leave. And to push the sword in deeper, many of my “friends” at that location never came to my aid. No one bothered to listen or say anything to my situation. With the exception of one friend who left that place years back, I was alone. That was after six years of calling a church “my home”. Six.
Like you, I also had scars and needed time to forgive what had happened. It doesn’t mean what offenders did was right — it just meant I could free myself of the pain and move on. Jesus will bring justice and it was no longer out of my hands. I finally forgave my offenders last month and the burden has almost become no more.
Thanks for sharing your experience Mark. Believe with me that the best days are truly ahead for us who love Jesus. We’re not home yet.
Ah, very good, Don! I keep getting “forgiveness” mixed up with “don’t go through the grieving process.”
Forgiveness is not about “letting the other person off of the hook.” That is the mistake that I’ve so often made in my attempts to forgive. Forgiveness is more for me that for the other person. But…poor soul that I am…I think that by not forgiving, I am “getting” the other person.
Forgiveness is about me, not the other person. If I don’t forgive, I kill my insides one day at a time.
Forgiveness… My favorite Patty Grffin song.
Let’s not forget – Unforgiven, my favorite Clint Eastwood movie.
I blogged on a similar vein just a day ago Don.
http://www.johilder.com
Adoration of the Ordinary – Blessed are The Merciful
http://www.johilder.com/?p=1201
Cheers
Great post, Don. In my nearly 40 years of following Jesus, there have been many hurts and misunderstandings – between myself and God and between myself and others. Despite my having no way to figure Him out, there has been one consistent thing in my experience that speaks of all that He is to me. That is forgiveness; rather, what I experience as I practice forgiveness, as it is practiced on me, or anytime I see it in action anywhere.
To me, it seems like we are all in this vacuum, like a spiritual world under negative pressure, and all the while God is longing to relieve the pressure. Then, when forgiveness happens, it’s as if the barrier gets punctured and the power of the love of God comes rushing in because of the vacuum that was there. This sudden change in pressure has an amazing effect, euphoric even, and in that moment, I feel like I truly know God for who He is. Forgiveness, to me, is a very non-worldly experience and opens the window to heaven.
Thanks Don – I needed to hear that. I’m getting remarried this September and I still harbor a lot of anger and hatred towards my ex-wife for what she did to me. Your “how” section was spot on; I’ve been in the middle of the anger and acceptance phase for way too long and I know in my heart it is time to forgive. Thank you for writing this, and thank you for writing your books – God is using you in powerful ways, touching many many lives.
After my divorce I wrote for an entire year and spent much of my time with God and seeking Him because I was in a deep hole. I eventually wrote a piece titled, “Forgiveness is the best revenge.”
Freedom follows, life follows, healing, and transformation all follow forgiveness.
God really did give forgiveness as a blessing to the one hurt as well as to the one doing the hurt.
Susan Isaacs book, “Angry Conversations with God” had the most wonderful definition/articulation of forgiveness for me. It turned my world around. She said that forgiveness is letting go and letting God deal with the person who hurt you…it’s trusting God that He will handle it and help free you from the pain in the process.
May God richly bless you and your fiance!
I feel that forgiveness is really THE KEY STEP in healing from things, especially divorce. It wasn’t until I was able to completely forgive my ex-husband that complete healing came. What was surprising to me is that I could once again feel compassion, pray for, and even love (as a fellow human being) a man I once “justifiably” hated so much.
Thank you Shelly – very true words!
Great stuff Don. Probably hits the heart of most people. Because we all deal with this. Thanks man
I’m having an internal struggle as I read this because I agree with you – AND I’m in a moment of needing to forgive and not feeling ready to. I think the hardest part is feeling the hurt (or whatever is there for you) and disappointment. I spent many years in unforgiveness. Family members who did me wrong… I thought if I forgave them the destruction they caused in me would never get validated, witnessed, acknowledged… In the end, all that happened was that they went on about their lives – still oblivious to my pain, and my life did not progress, my heart clouded and closed off. Thanks for this reminder – it was perfectly timed for me to read. I appreciate the guidance on the steps of grief to go through, giving me something concrete to work with on something that can seem so intangible.
This is so good and really timely for me, the past weeks have been a painful struggle to forgive. You are right, it is the only way to have a happy life.
Great message! Thanks for sharing!
I certainly don’t have it figured out by any means, but I did surprise myself by writing this about my Mom on Mother’s Day 2011. what you’re saying seems to echo what was coming out of me on the day I wrote this.
CLOISTERED MOM
I could never forgive you for all the times you hit me.
I could never forgive you for all the times you chose drugs over me.
I could never forgive you for making Dad’s death all about you.
I could never forgive you for treating me like an adult instead of a child.
I could never forgive you for giving my things to dealers for drugs.
I could never forgive you for making every day seem so dangerous and scary.
I could never forgive you for teaching me how to lie.
I could never forgive you for abandoning me.
I could never forgive you for wanting to kill yourself.
I could never forgive you for screaming in my face.
I could never forgive you for the hateful whispers in my ear.
I could never forgive you for ignoring me.
…but I’m trying to forgive…
I’ve been working to forgive you for all the ways that you failed.
It’s become easier with age as I’ve watched myself fail again and again.
It’s become more necessary now that I have a child to teach and love.
It’s become one of the central goals in my life.
I love you, mom.
I will never stop forgiving you.
I will never stop loving you.
I know that if you had the chance to take it all back you would.
I cherish the love you have for my child.
The love you have for her has made all the difference.
Thank you, God, for teaching me how to forgive.
Thank you, God, for teaching me how to love.
Thank you, God, for using my mom to teach me these things and more.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. We’re in this together.
Wow. After reading your poem, I suspect that I have little idea what forgiveness even means. Thanks for sharing this. I need to go off and be very still now…
I’m certainly not claiming to know anything about anything…but I can see it on the horizon. It looks promising too. I’m trying to stay pointed in that direction.
Wow. That has a sacred ring to it that I have not heard for a long time . . . . long, long time by today’s writers. That could be read at the pulpit and then everyone could just go home.
I think you need to expand this into a class or for pulpit fills and workshops. It’s a message …. it’s a song. Poetry yes. Rick is right. Can’t believe Rick is the only person to comment on this so far. Beautiful and tragic and back to beautiful in one swoop. I can’t even express the beauty of this response. Keep writing…….really………keep writing.
A belated Happy Mother’s Day to you. Your child is blessed!
Wow! It just occurred to me that most would probably read this and assume that is was written by a woman (maybe think the initial B stands for Bonnie or Betty). I don’t think we expect men to work through these things as well as women do. It might surprise some to know that I am very much a tatooed biker-type dude. It shouldn’t matter but I think it does…
I did not sense that at all. I am a builder /farmers kid who also understands Interior Design. I pick paint colors and furniture out and textures and fabrics for the spec houses I sell. The women come in with their husbands and tell me to tell my Interior Decorator she did an awesome job. I am the Interior Decorator but I don’t tell them that. I use to get embarrassed…… now I am grateful I have the skill and trained eye. Then I go dirt bike riding or dig out a house foundation with my Excavator laughing to myself.
This is just poignantly beautiful. Thank you for opening your life to us…
Dude, great post! This is one of my favorite posts I’ve read here.
Great work man.
A timely subject for me. I am trying to forgive someone right now who, in the name of “love,” hurt me terribly, claiming love yet all for his own self-absorbed survival, and the worst part is he is family. I’m being told that I must forgive him because God commanded it, but that hasn’t helped in knowing how. Thank you for this step by step process, rather than giving a cliched “because God commanded it.” Thank you also for allowing me to be angry without guilt. Time for me to move on to step 3 and 4 now. I’ve been wanting a sincere apology from him first, with a recognition of what he really did, but I know I have to forgive with or without that. *Sigh* Deep breath. Just do it.
Nice Don. This is really hard for me too. The only hope I have is trying to view the offenses of others against me in light of the great love and mercy Jesus has shown me. I just can’t forgive real, deep hurts on my own. I need supernatural help. Love is undoubtedly much stronger than hurt or hate, but my will is insidious. Its primary tactic is to totally withdraw from those who really hurt me. Basically to kill them off relationally.
Love tells me to pray for them and desire the best for them. How cruel. I guess its not about me. Its about God’s glory and revealing His power (love) towards the undeserving (me and my enemies both). I’m set free in the process. Sad how I could prefer prison to freedom.
As always thanks for your interesting thoughts and posts. Be good.
Great, great post. I try to self-inoculate, knowing that I should never fully entrust myself to any person, because if they are as disappointing as I’ve been to others at times, then I should expect to be on the receiving end once in awhile. I think being generous is a little like this, such that, in aspiring to be like the Acts 2 church, we can give financial help to others, and sometimes they will be really foolish with what they receive. The point is, we don’t stop forgiving or being generous; we learn how to sustain these processes.
Yes yes yes yes. Spot on – and so so appropriately timed with my life. It hurts when another Christian believes a lie about you and your husband – and then shares it with others. And it especially hurts when you were partners with them in ministry. It hurts and it sucks and it makes me want to lock myself away. But I won’t. I want the amazing possibilities of a happy life. I want to forgive. Thank you for journaling exactly what we both needed to hear today.
I love this post. It’s so easy to let our own pride get into the way of having a loving relationship with others. It puts us in such a vulernable spot to say “I’m sorry” or to forgive another for a way we have been wronged. Vulnerablity sometimes keeps me from being the best me; I know I will not fall to pieces if I let my guard down, but it’s difficult none the less.
Thanks for the words this morning!
[...] just read an article all about forgiveness, which is something I am struggling with right now. I keep thinking I am at the point of being over [...]
I love this. Reminds me of something my pastor said once. It was something along the lines that forgiveness isn’t saying that what the offender did was right. Forgiveness is simply saying I’m giving up my right to seek any sort of reprisal and laying it before God for Him to deal with.
Withholding forgiveness is brutal because it allows someone else control over us. Who wants to live like that?
This post reminds me of that beautiful scene in “Into the Wild,” when Chris McCandless and Ron Franz are having a conversation after hiking to the top of a mountain together.
Ron says: “When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God’s light shines through you.” John Krakauer, in his book the movie is based on, ends Ron’s quote with “…And when you love, God’s light shines upon you” instead.
I think both are true. Our forgiveness brings us closer to the heart of God- His Light shines on us, then through us.
Thanks for your thoughts!
thanks. super helpful. I promise not to slam you on the internet, but to repost in good faith.
Great article.
Here’s an unbelievable story regarding forgiveness about a friend of mine…how through Jesus a man was able to forgive the man who had murdered his mother:
http://www.livetoforgive.com/misc/trailer.html
livetoforgive.com
Thanks – this is some good stuff!
A non-fiction book I once read described an aunt as “having a decorative pillow on her couch which read, ‘I remember every rotten thing anyone’s ever done to me.’”
Wouldn’t it just be exhausting to keep such a list?
There’s the saying, “If you always tell the truth, then you never have to remember anything.” (at least that’s how it might go, I forget -haha) After going through the steps as you suggested, forgetting is a very very good thing, when possible. Some stuff I can’t forget, but the specific details that set me in a tailspin have been wiped away. For that I’m thankful.
This is great.
I’m going to send it to a friend.
Are you sure about all this? When I’m hurt I find myself thinking like Conan the Barbarian who when asked what is best in life answered, “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you… and to hear the
lamentation of their women!”
Sometimes forgiveness seems too hard, too big, and too much.
Am I alone in this?
You are absolutely not alone in this…but often times it is necessary to forgive…necessary if you ever want to move on, to truly live, and get your life back.
Squash em’ is often times part of the “angry” phase…
No. You aren’t alone.
I suspect (truth be told) that most of us feel like that, at least from time to time.
Thankfully we have a Savior who knows full well what we are all about…and loves us and forgives us anyway.
[...] http://donmilleris.com/2011/05/26/want-to-be-happy-forgive-your-enemies/ This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged donald, donald-miller, enemies, forgive-your, happy, motive-for, over-people, type. Bookmark the permalink. ← Esade centralizará en Madrid todos los cursos que imparta en alianza con Georgetown,Empresas y Finanzas. Expansión.com [...]
Great Post! Lots of good advice… Forgiving has been a very painful process for me but it has brought so much peace and joy into my life..I still get hurt from people, and I at times hurt others, not because I set out to but because I am human. I don’t linger long in misery now, I am not one to hold a grudge today, and I hate confrontation. Thank you Jesus!
For me, forgiveness and confession are the two most powerful tools for cleaning out the poisonous darts that become lodged in my heart. Forgiveness takes care of the things that have been done to me and confession takes care of the things I’ve done. Great post. Thank you.
And it starts with me. I have to forgive me. For my part. If not, I am stuck in quicksand. I cannot move forward.
Praying for you David. As I faced my hurt, I begged God to hold me tight, and I clung to Romans 5:3-5. I knew that through the firey trial, perseverance, character, and hope were on their way…He promised they would be.
May you experience the “hope that does not disappoint.”
[...] Donald Miller reminds us that “forgiveness is a pleasurable experience” and that “it feels much better than anger or hate” in his insightful, “Want To Be Happy? Forgive Your Enemies“ [...]
[...] which really hit me in the heart, and then Donald Miller’s post for the day was entitled “Want to be Happy? Forgive Your Enemies.” Once again… shot in the [...]
[...] at Want to be Happy? Forgive Your Enemies. | Donald Miller’s Blog Other Results :NYU student ‘to refund Bin Laden dead t-shirts’ money’ Australia vs Canada [...]
After being betrayed by people very close to me, forgiveness is a daily struggle in my heart. Not just forgiveness for unkind words or a forgotten event, but forgiveness for life shattering, terrible actions. Forgiveness has the power to take every drop of nastiness out of our world and replace it with goodness… God’s goodness. One thing that you didn’t touch on, which I have learned, is that forgiveness takes the control away from the offender. Once we are able to forgive those who have hurt us, they no longer own our pain. We have reclaimed ourselves and our peace. Forgiveness is the most wonderful place to stand. As someone who has been forgiven, both by God and others, and someone who has forgiven what seemed at one point to be unforgivable offenses, forgiveness has literally changed my life.
What if you can’t forgive because every time you try, they hurt you again, and thus begins the stages of grief, again? But each time that stage starts, you are more hurt and more angry than the last time? And yet it’s not a relationship you can back away from or forget about… Maybe that’s still just my anger talking, but when you hurt so deeply and long for that loving relationship to your innermost being, but no matter what, can’t seem to get there, it’s very disheartening; and makes it seemingly impossible to forgive in all circumstances for the fear of being hurt again.
It’s hard enough to forgive your loved ones…let alone your enemies.
One-up-man’ship or getting even are usually what we are best at.
Thanks be to God that He knows this about us, and forives us anyway.
He really DOES forgive His enemies!
Thanks Don, this is very true.
I think it is especially hard to forgive someone who doesn’t even know they’ve hurt you. There’s an element of wanting to forgive them ‘out loud’, so that they know they caused you pain.
To forgive without that ulterior motive, but simply as an act in the heart, is something I find difficult.
Don,
You touched on all of the reasons to resist forgiveness. Our hurt and anger overshadow our true spirit’s intention for peace. We justify holding our grudge, but we forget how liberating forgiveness can truly be. Thank you for the reminder.
-Sara
A very fundamental post, Don, for making it through life, but also in the process of being “conformed into the image of Christ.” A helpful process for me in dealing with anger has been to figure out why I am angry. I have found that anger is an emotional marker which informs us that something we value is being threatened. Or at least we perceive it to be threatened. Anger is a protective emotion which gives us energy to do something, and the energy it produces WILL be expressed. That is why it is so dangerous for us to stuff it. Taking the time to dig beneath the feeling to figure out what value we feel is being threatened will help us to choose how to express it. There may be times when it is both appropriate and necessary for us to take action, whether that is to confront someone or even defend a loved one if necessary. At other times, we may eventually figure out that the anger is misplaced, or the cause of the anger is our misunderstanding of another’s intentions. Sometimes, the best way to express our anger, especially caused by deep rejection and disrespect, is to talk to God about it….plainly! That’s what the Psalms are: the language of emotion spoken to God. They are honest words spoken from the heart that promote healing.
Forgiveness is a process, which is unique to each of us. However, denial is NOT forgiveness. I especially appreciate your focus on being honest about our own pain, yet not becoming a victim to it. Forgiveness includes our recognition of our personal responsibility in the nature of our response. Bitterness is NOT a response to our pain, it is a denial of it which deceptively seems like personal control. Forgiveness at some level means that we embrace the pain of the action taken against us, express it, and then release it. When the wounds are deep, the process may take time, but I am reminded of the addage expressed in many substance-abuse groups:
Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Forgiveness is also a witness of grace to a watching world, but also to the one who we forgive.
I mean this with all seriousness because I truly do want to be able to forgive and find peace. All I seem to know is torment and sorrow. How do you forgive being raped and the people who did it? I am trying. So far it looks a lot like pity. I want justice but at the same time I want to let it go. I do want to pray for him to be caught and there to be consequences. But I want to first lay my life on the altar of God because that is the only way anything good can ever come of this.
Ashley,
I would first commend you for SEEKING to forgive rather than fall into the role of perpetual victim to one who treated you with such violent disrespect. Do you have a support system of people that love you? Are you talking to someone who can help you work through the many levels of emotion? If not, I would suggest you find a community and counselor who will continually reinforce the valuable person they know you to be. I would also encourage you to treat yourself kindly and with grace. Forgiveness takes time, and only God can guide you into the strength it takes to walk it’s path. Just know that you have exceedingly more value than the manner in which this person treated you.
I will be praying for you Ashley.
“Forgiveness gives you a taste of what it feels like to be God, and it’s a terrific feeling. God forgave us because it gave Him pleasure to do so. He was happy to do so. Love forgives, and so does God, and so can you.” I love this point, Don. Thanks for putting it so poetically, also, I’d like to suggest Lewis B. Smedes’ excellent book on the subject “Forgive and Forget”. It helped me through an very emotionally devastating part of my life.
The number one step that I take when someone “offends” me is to go to God and let it all hang out. I’ve been known to really scream at Him because I know I’m safe in the Secret Place of the Most High and because I know He has the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom that I need to overcome the temptation to hate. I don’t worry about pleasing people because my focus is on pleasing God, and when I exercise grace and mercy, I am pleasing Him. There’s this little verse in Proverbs 16:7 that promises me that God will make my enemies be at peace with me when my ways please Him. I hold Him to that promise.
I want to say something about suffering. Listen, we’re not suffering because we’re Christians–we’re suffering because we’re human beings and the kingdom of evil is determined to destroy us. Christ came and he took part of being tempted to let go of God (which is Satan’s goal); that’s what his suffering was, the temptation. The kingdom of evil is coming after us in every possible way to keep us away from God who is our life. Christ defeated that purpose on the cross and there is not one human being who is restricted from connecting with God. We need to quit moaning and groaning about the evil that is harassing us, and to get to the Secret Place of the Most High (read Psalm 91). We need to take our places as sons of God and to manifest the power of His absolute love to each other and to the world. We need to cleave to Him for He is our life!
Thanks, Don, for reminding us of how forgiveness is so essential. I believe that forgiveness changes everything. If we all were more forgiving the entire world would inevitably flip upside down.
One question for us to ponder is how Jesus fits into forgiveness. Is the way of forgiveness taught in the New Testament different from the way that the secular world teaches forgiveness? Do we need Jesus in order to forgive? Has Jesus opened the door so that we may forgive?
The Scriptures say to forgive others as our Father has forgiven us, so that must lead us to ask, “How did our Father forgive us?” When we recognize and embrace the way that our Father has unconditionally forgiven us, then we are forced to accept that he has done the same for everyone else, including our enemies, and that changes everything.
If you ask me, I’d say God forgave us all, everyone, unconditionally on the cross and in the empty tomb, and that Jesus died for everyone who has hurt me, everyone who has sinned against me, he has forgiven all of them, so that they will never have to experience the execution that Jesus did on the cross, so I could never ever seek vengeance or wish for justice to crush anyone, because justice happened, once and for all on the cross.
My world was shaken when I realized that Jesus died on the cross because people planned an attack on the World Trade Centers. The people who planned that attack deserve to be physically executed by God, but instead Jesus was punished for 9/11. That changes everything.
Here is an inspiring poem by Rosamond Herklots to which my wife Catherine wrote a chorus. We recorded the song but it has yet to be released.
Forgive
Forgive our sins as we forgive
You taught us Lord to pray
But you alone can grant us grace
To live the words we say
How can your pardon reach and bless
An unforgiving heart
That broods on wrongs and will not let
Old bitterness depart
CHORUS:
How completely you forgive
Your blood has made me clean
When I am wounded, hurt, or wronged
You ask the same of me
In blazing light your cross reveals
The truth we dimly knew
How trifling others debts to us
How great our debt to you
Lord cleanse the depths within our souls
And bid resentment cease
And by Your mercy reconciled
Our lives with spread your peace
Our lives will spread your peace
Let us spread your peace
Your peace!
Here is a blog I just posted that you inspired me to share:
http://daniellovett.wordpress.com/2011/05/29/forgiveness-the-power-to-heal-our-broken-world/
Thanks for listening,
Daniel
Don,
Thanks for this. I love all your books. Maybe your next one could be on forgiveness specifically.
Don,
So, so blessed by this. I can’t tell you what this means for me. Thank for all of your blogs, but I am changed by this one in particular.
-Ally