My friend Bob Goff (@bobgoff) has a little saying he keeps close to his heart: Be Secretly Incredible. It’s something I think about nearly every day, but something I rarely follow through on. I put ten times the energy into being “publicly good” than I do into being “privately good.” But something in me is starting to change.
Maybe it happens as we get older. Maybe we start to realize how much our early adult years have been spent projecting an image rather than establishing character, and maybe I’m in that stage where looking back on that season makes be queasy. If I were being hard on myself, I’d accuse myself of being a con artist. But that’s too hard. The truth is we all want to be perceived as hard-working, good people because those are the people who get respect. But being a hard-working, good person is, well, hard work. And the true rewards come to those who establish that kind of character for real.
How much time do we spend talking about a cause vs working on behalf of a cause? How much time do we spend talking up our marriages vs loving our spouse? How much time do we spend talking about theology vs doing our theology? These are all questions I’m pondering, questions that might help me become “secretly incredible.”
Great post, Don. Love it. Reminds me of Matthew 6, and how Jesus says when we pray/fast/give, don’t do it in front of others, because then you will do it for the wrong reasons.
It also reminds me of Matthew 25 – the sheep and the goats.
The goats are suprised that they aren’t invited into the kingdom – “When did we see you hungry or thirsty and not minister to you?”
But what really stikes me is that the sheep are surprised, too. “When did we minister to you, Lord?”
The sheep are out there, living their lives as faithfully as they can but without calculating that doing what they were doing is the way to get to heaven. Their grace-filled lives come naturally and so they, too, are surprised.
Profound angle on Matthew 25, Rod.
Thanks for the blessing!
What does it mean to be incredible?
Is incredible building five thousand water wells in ten years?
Is incredible defeating an evil dictator?
Is incredible a marriage others can look up to, the kind that stands the test of time?
Is incredible working spreading joy at an airport KFC; deciding every day to greet each person with a smile and some pleasant conversation?
Definitely the evil dictator one…yep. Definitely
Keep up the airport joy though man, I work at a pub and spreading the joy is nowhere near as easy as it sounds!
This reminds me what I heard a speaker say at a conference. He said, “Never let your public passion exceed your private devotion.” That has always stuck with me, and now this new saying (“be quietly incredible”) will too.
This was my question at storyline. How do you know when you’re building the kingdom of God vs building the kingdom of Donald Miller?
I really liked the stories of “normal” people at storyline. Most of your examples had a net worth exceeding a million, but a few didn’t and I really enjoyed their stories too. They have less wow factor and get less applause but somehow I think that’s the authentic stuff. In real life there are 11 other brothers; not everyone is Joesph.
I think part of being secretly incredible is what many people who serve in secret know. They aren’t famous, but understand this secret because they know they’re ‘building’ something that is more real than flashy material things or personal branding. An example is the foster parents turned relief workers I’m renting from, they blow me away. But you’ll never hear of them.
Absolutely! Great post – and it is something I have been thinking a lot about lately – but haven’t been able to articulate it as well as ‘being secretly incredible’ – I like it! Now to stop writing about it and off to do it ….. well … at least that is the plan!
I think one of the first secrets to being incredible is not comparing yourself to others. I only say this because it tends to be my psychological drug of choice as a perfectionist… While I think t’s beneficial at the time (in light of “bettering myself,”) it actually is pretty toxic to the identity I’m meant to carry. I can only be the most incredible version of myself. If I try to be like someone else, I am no longer pursuing who I’m meant to be.
If anything, the only person I need to pursue becoming more like is Jesus. He knows the best version of myself… Therefore, when I say to Him, “Less of me, more of You,” I am actually saying, “More of You, and more of whom I’m meant to be.”
I relate to what you’re saying, I struggle with comparing myself to others around me or a “better version of myself.” This post hits home for me by redirecting my focus on my inner character rather than trying to measure myself by those around me.
I imagine we all struggle with spiritual narcissism from time to time. Wanting to work hard and build character but then getting an atta-boy along the way. The point about talking up our marriage or theology vs. living out our marriage & theology is well made. Jesus’ words come to mind when He said that we should love God & love people. There is no magic formula in that. I think Jesus wants to see callouses on my hands…then He knows I am working and not just talking.
Ouch! That’s near the knuckle.
I like to think I have integrity and “be who I am”…but let’s face it, I “be” a good version of who I “am”. Because the actual day to day “am”-ing…you’re right, it’s hard work. And maybe a little boring.
I think back to all the books I read as a little girl (Anne of Green Gables, Little Women) and there was such a focus on growing good character. Good lessons. I think I should re-read. Again.
AKA: show, don’t tell.
Unfortunately, it is easier for us to “work hard” at building the public perception that we are hard-working, rather than to actually cultivate rich and meaningful experiences for ourselves and those around us. Good reminder of where to properly place our priorities.
Congrats on the engagement. Prayers for a lifetime of love, happiness and laughter.
GREAT post. thanks for the reminder.
I love that thought. Thanks!
Awesome blog! I think God cares more about what is going on within us than our outer appearance. He sees the heart . For many years I had that all wrong and today my aim is to please Him not men. I fail at that sometimes but deep within I am quickly aware that I am heading of my path.
Thanks for the great post Donald – just reposted it on our fb page to share with our friends/fans. Jim
As I get older, I’m beginning to realize that there is only so much a person can do. I’m starting to leave behind dreams of grandeur to make a smaller foot print and a deeper impact right in my own back yard.
Thank you for this. One of the many riches of our faith is our ability to “grow where we’re planted.” When we see everything we do as a way to worship God, we grow. Too often, we can fall into the trap of dismissing where we are or what we do as not good enough for God. But I believe God wants us to serve him right where we are.
It’s all a matter of stepping out and DOING. So few of us actually DO what we say. Even fewer actually LIVE what we believe. Jesus has called me out on this, and I cannot even express how exhilarating my life is since I started DOING every little thing that God drops into my brain!
Awesome perspective Don. Thanks for continually reminding me who and what I need to be.
It occurred to me while I was reading this that ‘secretly incredible’ sometimes means tedious drudgery.
We start out in college with big plans for curing cancer or saving the African children, and the reality of it is that sometimes its just the day to day acts of service that go unnoticed by most, caring for those who can’t care for themselves….
God sees and notices, right?
here’s what comes to mind for me: some of us are here to be secretly incredible (provoking smiles at the airport KFC or raising amazing kids or growing tomatoes to share with neighbors) and some of us have been given gifts that make us publicly incredible (writing books that millions will read or launching companies that change the world) because the world needs people who can inspire and lead. i’m grateful for those who are willing to put themselves out there to fulfill the publicly incredible role, knowing they can never be all that the people they inspire/lead believe/expect them to be.
This was helpful Peg. Thanks. Your post definately got me thinking, Don, and got right to what I have been reflecting on lately:).
I like this perspective…thanks!
This reminds me of the verse that talks about Him being the potter and us being the clay- He can make out of us what He chooses. Last night I was thinking about the difference between the ordinary pieces and noble pieces. I sometimes have been intimidated by this verse and not sure what to do with it other than assume I was just one of the ordinary pieces. But God showed me this: Pieces of pottery that are chosen for fine occasions and purposes often require a lot more spinning and heat and work. Sometimes life can feel very ordinary, and we can get tired and burned out. But, perhaps, it’s just part of the refining process of Him molding us into something extraordinary out of the very ordinary materials that make up our lives.
I am not secretly incredible. I have developed a keen awareness, though, of how much of what we do is
I can’t really do that as a teacher but I do try to find secret ways to make a small difference in the lives of young children. It is more like a secret challenge and a hope that I’m laying up small treasures in heaven. Thanks for articulating spiritual truths. I don’t know if you realize how affirming and validating your blog can be. I treasure it.
“showboating” and disgenuine. I am usually somewhat suspicious of all public displays, which is sad and cynical. I have a secret fantasy of becoming a reclusive poet
[...] quiet and mundane loyalty matters. Yesterday, Donald Miller posted about the hard work of being “secretly incredible.” : My friend Bob Goff (@bobgoff) has a little saying he keeps close to his heart: Be Secretly [...]
man,you just grabbed the bat…stepped up to the plate…pointed to left field…smashed one out of the park…such a good word. Yes, many of us are too busy trying to be seen. You are so right, there’s the talkers and there’s the walkers…and many of those walking aren’t saying too much…
God can be so pesky!
First the verse in 1 Thess 4:11 – Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you…
(“Ambition” – really?)
Now this post.
[...] We all need to Be Secretly Incredible. [...]
God is so awesome!! My husband called me today and told me that he was feeling down. As we got into the conversation it was the same repetetive conversation about not having purpose and feeling like he has no passion. Some of my girlfriends and I started a bible study a while ago and we have done a few books/studies. We just started A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and we were suppose to meet Monday and talk about part three. I had a busy week and weekend and never read so I canceled and decided not to go. We re-planned to meet tomorrow about it so I thought that while my kids were sleeping I would sit down and blow through it. I read it but didn’t quite blow through it. I found it mind-blowing that just as my husband was having a bad day about having a boring life God would put this right into my hands at the proper time. I am not sure what my Husband’s purpose is as he has been searching for it for 35 years but I do hope that his search and his journey will lead him into character and lead role that God has planned for him. Thank you for your words and I know my husband is secretly incredible, I just wish he knew and believed it about himself!
This is fantastic. Thank you …Been reading Henri Nouwen this week with a very similar message. One quote that resonated with me: “A courageous life, therefore, is a life lived from the center. It is a deeply rooted life, the opposite of a superficial life. ‘Have courage’ therefore means ‘Let your center speak.’” // Love quietly incredible. Sounds wonderfully counter-cultural.
[...] On Being Secretly Incredible [...]
Don – I think about this post just about every day – if you ever have a follow up or more thoughts (anything from Mr. Goff, really), I think people would love to hear it. Thank you so much for sharing.