This isn’t one of my better little scratch-out blogs. But I’m okay with it. I’ve enjoyed coming to my desk every day and pulling out the little pad and playing Andy Rouney for a minute. I like this one, even though it’s hardly worth anybody else reading. I think I just needed to preach to myself for a second about who I am and how I live. I’d forgotten.
Come the new year I’ll be blogging a bit more about hopes and dreams and starting over and all the usual fair for blogs in January. I love thinking about that stuff. For now, here’s some end-of-the-year rambling. Hope you’re holidays are going swimmingly!
I would add to the control bit that the root of all sin is really just whenever we are trying to be god. It’s not missing the mark, because we shouldn’t even be the one shooting/aiming in the first place. By the time we take the shot we have already decided that we can do this on our own, loaded up, decided the target (likely the wrong one altogether), aimed, and pulled the trigger. This is one of the reasons I think anxiousness is such a issue, that we are not only uncertain about the future, but that uncertainty causes us to plot and scheme and grab in order to make sense of a story that just might not have rounded the corner yet.
I don’t think God takes risks tho. Risks would imply a undefined end, and I would guess that’s not His gig. At least I hope not – something has to be steady in this great story.
To love is to risk not being loved in return. That’s the risk God takes.
A risk is not a risk if you know the outcome. And God knows all the outcomes.
So I think instead of “risk” its more of a choice. God chooses to love us even though He knows many will turn from Him.
Us on the other hand… because we dont know the outcome we make a choice AND a risk. A risky choice
What freaks me out so much about love is that you have no idea its happening until its happened. Your heart is on the line and you have absolutely no idea what the other person is gunna do with it and that fear makes you want the upper hand. And thats when you go back and read the blog on vulnerability.
..”the usual fare…”
technically,God is a big risk taker!…He took the risk in sending Jesus Christ,His only Son,to come to earth to live and die for us…the risk is that people would reject Him and continue living their own way.the other risks is that although we have Gods wisdom at our disposal now,that people will still not get it,and fumble around in Gods Kingdom on earth…so yeah,Gods been taking many risks with the likes of us
*Rooney*
thanks so much, Julie. I wondered even as I typed that.
Brevity is cool. Especially for busy living folks.
Also, “fare” instead of “fair” and “your” instead of “you’re.” Sorry to be grammar police.
“I’m not a controlling person by nature. I’m a risk taker.”
Risk and control aren’t always at odds. What is risky sure looks out of your control, but even the riskless moments could be totally disrupted. Car crash, lost keys, found artifact of a former time that floods back memories…
A trick is knowing in risky situations what you can control and being content with that. Rewards don’t always follow risk, so why should risk determine the reward? (Financial betas, Knightian uncertainty and Black Swans aside, there are ways to hedge risks and creat option with minimum or affordable losses.) Be content, live with a mind of opportunity and wonder, focus on “how you show up” as Rick Diamond would say.
I’m sure you are doing far better at those tasks than I am! – @hastingscj
This makes sense, since I remember you once saying that control is the opposite of love. I truly do believe Love makes the world go round. The opposite of that is bound to cause us to fail miserably.
…in the end….all we do is “chase the wind.” Risk or no risk…and our life is nothing “but a vapor in time.”
well, that’s awfully depressing.
Don, I’ve read and loved all your books. I really enjoy your blog. I hope you never doubt your voice and if you do, you shout (or write) all the louder.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Jason
I think the root of all sin is unbelief. If we don’t believe God is good, we don’t trust, and when we don’t trust we want to control. I say God is good a lot, but I don’t often really, truly, deep down believe it. When I do, though, trusting God is a piece of cake!
The root of all sin is idolatry. Trust me, it all leads back to idolatry. But as for risks, I took one this year, a big one, and it didn’t turn out quite the way I had envisioned, but just because our risk seem to fail doesn’t mean that God is not done working them in our favor, for all things work together for those that Love him. As for God being a risk taker, I’d say in a way we can’t really understand He is, we are created in His image… I am sure He is a degree or two more exciting than we can imagine.
i believe the root of all sin is selfishness.
I have heard a lot about this theme lately:
• Christmas 2011: Zechariah and Elizabeth by Hank Fortener – Mosaic Audio Podcast.
• Dalai Lama Audio Teachings on Tibetan Buddhism: Mind and Life XVII – Attention, Memory and Mind; 6 April 2009
• Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller
• N.T. Wright, “After you Believe”
• Endangered Minds: Why Children Don’t Think and What We Can Do About It.” by Jane M. Healy.
Here’s what I gather. We need control in our physical lives in order to keep us safe. When we make “risky choices,” however, the pleasure sensors in our brain light up. When we get rewarded for making a risky decision, we have created a neural pathway in our brains that will make it more likely to make another risky decision again. In other words our life is shaped by our minds, and we become what we think. The more we are rewarded for how we think, the more we think/act that way. So if someone has been rewarded for risk-taking behavior, they are more likely to take risks. If they have had an awful consequence associated with taking a risk, that person will be less likely to take a risk in the future. Then there is the thing we can’t explain– God. “Leaving things in God’s hands.” The ability to just… believe. The way I approach life? Everything in balance. Make sure you have enough control in your life to keep yourself and your family safe. Yet if we controlled everything all the time, the magic in life would disappear. I wish I could post video. My all-time favorite quote/scene about this topic is from Finding Nemo. Merlin wants to control everything all the time. Dory just “goes with the flow.” At one point they are stuck inside a whale, and Dory tells Merlin to “let go.” He asks her, “How do you know something bad won’t happen?” Dory just replies, “I don’t.”
By taking a risk, aren’t you in a way controlling things though? Every day we make tons of decisions; some big, some small. I think that we really are most of the time totally in control of which decision we make especially when we make the decision to take a risk. Sometimes we will regret that we took that risk, and sometimes not. I don’t think that control is really always a bad thing, but trying to be controlling all of the time is different. Imposing your ideas and beliefs on the lives of others, and getting too mixed up in trying to influence others in our lives to act a certain way. We are each our own person and will make decisions accordingly, that’s what makes this world so beautiful and interesting. It also makes it really frustrating at times, but that’s life. We have got to only try to take on what we think we can, and try not to get too caught up in what everyone else is doing, or what everyone else will think.
I rather like these scratch out blogs. Sort of like giving us a chance to see your journal.
I have played it too safe in my life and my career, so kudos to you for taking risks.
A friend of mine is going through serious chemotherapy and she said she is learning how little control any of us have over our lives. I think her perspective is true. The control we think we have is just a mirage. It is an illusion that we cling to in order to pretend that we are in charge. In reality, every breath we take is a gift.
I am trying to learn to trust a God who gives us life. Counter-intuitive, to be sure.
I struggle with being too passive, letting other people make decisions for me, when I believe another way is better. But isn’t this a maturation process to learn how to compromise? Is compromise a universal virtue?
At what point does a long-suffering person become a victim?
Maybe the right person being in control isn’t a bad thing, someone with the ability and the discernment to know when this line has been crossed.
Great thread. Thanks guys.
True that, Don – thanks for sharing. I’m aware of how the perceived need to control influences my choices also, and I’m dealing with some very frustrating and hurtful controlling people in my life lately. Thanks for the encouragement and healthy perspective.
Also, Rooney was great to listen to at the end of 60 Minutes
I needed this today. You have no idea who I am but I take a lot of risks too (some of which fail miserably) and in part because of your books-I moved to Nashville to start Younglife for teen moms. It’s going swimmingly:). Thank you thank you!
Love this. I can see why your friend says that about control. I don’t see it as a sin, but a trust issue with God. Thanks for being a risk taker that I look up to. You inspire me.
I think pain and love go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other…to embrace love is to embrace pain, to embrace the full spectrum of human emotion and feeling. To risk love is to risk pain. Life more abundantly I think is to choose to be out of control and in the hands of love!
Thanks, Don.
I second what Julie said.
Also, random note… I think that the best of what we have to give through putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) comes from those things we wonder about putting out there for others to read. Funny and otherwise, those are the best bits to share.
Love how this is at the root of what I’m learning in Biblical counseling right now, and that faith, trusting God in the discomfort and uncertainty, is the antidote.
I would say the root is fear…I tend to control because I fear. I fear hurt, losing, being wrong, being unworthy, not doing what I should be doing, being alone, being hurt, being ugly, going bankrupt, etc…
My response to that fear is control and all sorts of other sins.
Being one who has lived out of fear for much of her life, it is no way to live or to make decisions, and being known as a control freak in the past is humbling and humiliating.
Both steal joy, steal fun and laughter, and steal freedom. They create a huge wall in my intimate relationship with the Lord and, in turn, everyone else.
And guess what, my biggest fear is that I might not ever really change.
God’s grace certainly has covered much and He continues to bring circumstances to help me exercise letting go and trusting Him…and I love that and am grateful for His faithfulness.
Fear is the root for me, too, which leads me to live out of the illusion I can control things. And my control is an illusion, which I realize deep down. The more I learn that I’m not in charge of outcomes — only my choices — the less fear I have.
Well said, Peg. Your last statement reminds me of what Charles Stanley has said many times…. “Obey God and leave the consequences to Him”.
the last few scratch out blogs have been so powerful for me. thank you don for sharing.
Don, you’re speaking my language, buddy. I just recently finished reading Blue Like Jazz and now I’m starting Searching for God Knows What. So glad I discovered your awesome books, and like you say at the end of Blue, “I hope we get to meet some day soon.”
I’m involved in the Celebrate Recovery ministry at my church and throughout the last year I’ve come to realize that the majority of my issues (or in CR language: hurts, hang-ups and habits) stem from my desire to control my life, the lives of others around me, and my entire environment as a whole. Anything that speaks to our desire, as humans, to control our lives, really makes me think. We can do our best to make educated decisions, but I truly believe the more we try to control our lives the more out of control our lives become. At least, that has been my personal experience. My need to control has contributed to anxiety, impulse control issues, fear, anger, etc. I’m not really a risk taker, however, I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older at trying to find that balance between order and chaos in life. But in the end, God is in control.
I posted this on Facebook a few days ago and I’ll post it here as well because I think it’s relevant:
“I’m so much happier and at peace at the end of 2011 than I was at the end of 2010. Never give up hope people. Life is a series of cycles. Waxing and waning. If you’re going through a rough spot now, it WILL get better! Sometimes you need to make different decisions and take some risks (or stop taking risks), and sometimes you just have to go let go and ride the wave to the shore where you can finally plant your feet on the ground…”
I love this. I was just journaling a few days ago about my goals for 2012 and it is to risk more. The risk of hurt is there, but it’s worth it. This helps confirm my thoughts.
Trust has definitely been my struggle, and continues to be. And I am not sure how to get that healed in me. How do I merely let go, knowing I, and all, will be alright. I am like Marlin, the father fish in “Finding Nemo”, desparately clinging to the buds on the tongue of the whale…not trusting that God is good…thinking that He is asking me to go to the back of the throat and that He is going to allow something bad to happen to me (like digestion), rather than trusting His words that told me that “everything is gonna be alright”…but when Marlin lets go…though he fears death…he lives. Blind faith. I don’t know..but I long to live, and I know the key is trust…and letting go.
I still think we need a little Merlin and a little Dory in each of us: live life in balance. Yes, God tells us that he will provide everything for us, but he also says,
Matthew: 6 – Beware of false prophets. You will know who they are by their “evil fruits.”
Fearing that everything “bares evil fruits” is easy. Knowing when to let go and trust is difficult. Don’t beat yourself up too much about it.
Had the whale wanted to eat Merlin, he would have swallowed him already. lol
…I pretty much agree…in my life control is the opposite of faith. That is why I feared flying for the longest time. Even though it was statistically safer to fly, I always felt that I was in control behind the wheel…until I realized that I was replacing my faith with control…Nice post Don, it resonated with me
@JeremyRochford
We have free will. Control takes away the lessons we are meant to
have and learn from. Control makes us feel safe
but do we need to feel safe with every move?
Risk yourself, dare to learn!
You have nothing to loose or gain if you don’t risk. Control? All I can control is the way I react to what is happening when I take a risk. Risking is worth the chance when prayer, patience, trust and perserverance are part of the risk taking. I have risked much, gained much; however risked and lost too, but learned with a much stretched heart and soul to expand my journey and learn my footprints sometimes are not my own. When I allow myself to totally be in the passenger seat, my driver knows where, when, how and what and who I need to be in contact with, my only responsiblity is to keep my eyes on the one who knows my deepest thoughts and emotions. My Savior Jesus!
(someone may have already said this, but i didn’t read all the replies
cs lewis stated that the root of all sin is believing that God isn’t really GOOD. i thought of this when reading your scratch blog. doesn’t control mean that we believe we have a better way, b/c the way of risk that comes with trusting God would mean that we would have to believe his way is good (he is good) and if that is the case we would gladly give up control…therefore, taking control means at some level you don’t believe God is truly Good. talking about control is a good ‘start’ to the conversation!!! it’s like the alcoholic talking about the need to stop drinking. but typically the drinking isn’t the root of the problem…the root lies somewhere in the place of pain that is being avoided by using the alcohol. we can stop taking control and take risks, but we’ll find ourselves back at the same point if we don’t dig to the root. the alcoholic can ‘try to stop drinking,’ but if the pain isn’t addressed, it won’t take much to find another bottle or some other form of escape. so, blog writers and readers out there…do you believe God is GOOD? my mind and heart say yes, my actions (you know, when the rubber meets the road) usually speak otherwise…
Excellent point! And I think CS Lewis definitely knew a thing or two about a thing or two! Larry Crabb also seems to know a few things too, and he once described healthy people this way: “Healthy people are not afraid of confusion. They have given up their claim to independence and control and can therefore tolerate, even welcome, uncertainty. Confusion deepens their vulnerability to being led by Someone who is not confused. They enter warmly into their inherent dependence as finite beings by defining faith as the courage to move on in the absence of clarity.” (Understanding People, p. 125)
That’s what I want! To deepen my vulnerability to being led by Someone who is both good, and not confused.
i read this just before i boarded a plane. i know the control you’re talking about is not exactly like the control you give over to physics and the plane and the pilot when you fly. but, when you sit back, relax and enjoy the ride, magical things (like 100 ton things flying through the air) happen.
Agreed. Simple as that.
Ego is the problem. Our false self that is. Jesus said take up your own cross, hike up a mountain, nail that serpent.. Ego=control..
This post has stuck with me for several days now, which means it’s hitting a chord I can’t quite put my fingers on and strum without making something ugly. The root of sin is control? I “miss the mark” most often when I’m reckless or approach life without a plan. Isn’t reading the Bible and making a conscious effort to hear, absorb, and live by the word of God a form of control? I’d say it is, but it’s external control, which can lead to resentment and rebellion if it isn’t understood so deeply that it becomes internal control. I’m baffled by your friend’s statement.
As far as taking risks goes, that’s pretty much what we’re created to do, if we take that leap of faith and believe we’re created in God’s image. Talk about taking risks, He took the biggest risk of all time when He gave His own boo-boo, we imperfect humans, free will! It’s why I love and fear God–He’s a super powerful being if He can have a plan for all time, while at the same time trusting enough to surrender control to a creation proven to be flawed. Add to that throwing himself into this human stew through the body of a woman so He could live in this world, and you’ve got a creator so mighty it defies human comprehension. Any risk I think I take shrivels up and apologizes when standing next to those risks, and I do take some mighty big risks. Often.
Your scribble says you want to be less controlling, but you don’t say less controlling of what, or who. Is your control “issue” clear to you? Mine isn’t for me. I know I don’t want to control others, and that often the most challenging situations end up being solved when I step back and let things resolve themselves without my meddling. But I also know I’d feel a whole bunch better about myself and be more productive, as I define it, if I had better control of myself. Am I talking about mastery of self, or self control? It’s got me scratchin’ that’s for sure, and that usually means I’m stuck in a paradox.
Aren’t we all? And isn’t it confounding that most paradoxes disappear when we accept them, then move along. Psychologists call it the paradox of acceptance. Seems to me God calls it the same thing.
Please tell me the book being held behind the note is “A Farewell to Arms”