My favorite psychologist is Viktor Frankl and he offers a bit of advice that will be helpful for us as we start the new year. Perhaps it is more of a mental trick, but the idea is to imagine you are living your life for the second time around, asking yourself what you’d do differently this time.
It takes a second to get your mind around the concept, but when you do you’ll find yourself approaching life with more discretion.
For instance, if you think about your career, what would you do differently in 2012 if this were the second time around? Would you create deeper relationships with your coworkers and clients? Would you focus more on only a certain number of projects?
What about your relationships? If you could do 2012 over again, would you spend more time with the people you truly love and who truly love you? Would you stop yourself from being spread so thin?
Frankl’s tip is a handy way to help us understand what really matters in life. It gets us thinking about what’s ahead, has us living the entire year in our mind, anticipating our mistakes, and then invites us to live differently.
What I did with this was to create a few categories on a sheet of paper and write down how I’d like to live within those categories a bit differently. For me, those categories are career, relationships and faith.
The year 2011 had me living in reaction. And while it was an eventful year, and maybe one of the more growing seasons of my life, it was filled with mistakes and way too many people and projects. I feel like I lived on planes and gave half efforts to books and blogs and conferences and movies. I had a vague notion of what I wanted to do with my life, but really just went where the wind blew. I’m hoping 2012 is different. I want to live more wisely, stick to my values and ethics, live a much smaller, slower life. I also want to surround myself with people who have integrity, who can help me become more healthy, pillars who are grounded in reality so I know where I am and what life is really about. None of this is going to be easy with a book being wrapped up and a movie releasing. But I’m going to give it a shot.
What about you? If you could live 2012 over again, before you have even lived it the first time, what would you do differently?
Stop being concerned with leading my own adventurous life just long enough to invite someone else along. Then as we journey, challenge myself to travel lighter while offering to help carry the luggage my travel partner bears. The only thing left to do from there is to accept what may come. I musn’t get resentful, defeated, or out of sorts when something isn’t what I expect, but thank God for the experience and rejoice for His artistic specialty of making beautiful things from our junk.
Love your name and love your “goals”. May all the Shelly’s of the world do the same.
AMEN!!
Love this, Shelly
Yes. Good word.
Shelly –
Love the end when you named God as the Artist he is and how he brings beauty from junk. My friend Leeana Tankersley wrote a book called Found Art where she talks about her journey overseas and how God is the master of this type of art. She is found at gypsyink.com. Love your thoughts here, thank you for sharing.
Say why not more often. Laugh a little harder. Love a little deeper. Trust a bit more.
Oh, and be a better dog owner…my pup needs me to kick it up about 5 notches.
Love your simplicity and humor.
Becoming a storyteller/story writer rather than merely a story reader.
What about the living of the story? Enjoy!
What about the living of the story you say? Well there is this squirrel out my window who is sooooooo chubby you would just laugh. It is because my mother throws all our food out the kitchen window and he comes up with his little claw paws palms up like a little oliver twist and says “please wealthy americans may I have some more smackerels” you know like smackerels from winnie the pooh? Anyways pooh is stinky if it comes out the butt, but if it lives in the Hundred Acre Wood that is ok. That is all.
I love the sentiment of this post, however, my personal journey is at a slightly different point. I’m not wanting to redo 2011, rather, 2011 was a year of cleaning up the mess of the previous, well, however many years. 2012 is when I get to start building again. To use your image, it’s like living all of life for the second time. It’s an exciting place to be and, on a personal note, thank you Don for helping to inspire it with your post on March 18, 2011 (for more context, see my about page).
Beginning in August I heard John Dickson speak on the subject of humility and that has seemed to be a recurring theme in my life. I realized in that moment how much my pride had become a normal part of my thinking.
Related to that is the notion that I need to please the people around me. I can’t. I have one (maybe two) things I want to give laser-focused attention to. This means I may let some people around me down. That needs to be okay.
Most importantly, I have only a few years left before my kids leave the house. I need to devote far more attention to them than I have been.
I can so relate to pride issues and people-pleaser tendencies. One thing that helps me to let go when I feel pressure to do something I know will stretch me too far but will lead to someone feeling disappointed in me if I don’t is to remember the sovereignty of God. How I am usurping God’s intention here by doing this thing that is beyond the boundaries he has given me? Maybe God wants that person to be let down and turn to him. Maybe God has someone else ready to step up – maybe even someone better equipped than me.
And as a mom, my heart is always pricked when I am reminded how short these years are. Thank you for being todays reminder.
sometimes I think i’m too prideful when I think I’m better than that little squirrel out our window. But I’m so similar. I just want more treats to fatten me up too. Oh well. Give my regards to Soul Surfer. Mahalo.
“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl was one of the gems that led me into faith in someone/something greater than myself back in college. If it hadn’t been required reading, I doubt I’d have picked it up on my own. Neat to “hear” from him again.
Great idea! I would read more. I would be more diligent about writing my book. There would be no way work would come before my wife, 1 year old son, and child who will be (or already was…) born in June. I would take my wife out once a week and she would know I love her more than anyone or anything. I would work on my leadership skills and be more diligent about bringing people to see Jesus.
Ive been meaning to talk to you about work coming before your wife brandon… (more on that later.)
I would do almost exactly as you. I feel I spent most of 2011 flailing about, my focus changing to whatever was immediately in front of me at the time, being driven solely by that “whatever”. I hate the way I lived last year–it was out of control. I want to be more focused on less things. I want my life to more clearly reflect my designer and less the expectations placed on me by (well-meaning) others. I want to do a few things well and divest myself of some other good-but-not-the-best-for-me things.
Gotta love Frankl and his logotherapy. I mostly love that at the heart of all that he says, he concludes that we’re searching for meaning. Too much truth in that.
Hemingway said, “The writer has to write what he has to say, not speak it.” If it pleases God to give me another year, I’m going to do like Hemingway said, but I’m going to include not letting my fizz seep out through texting my every whim to my friends. I’m going to keep the lid on so that in a year when I pop the cork on my manuscript, my words won’t taste flat. I pray that after the words have had time to mature in the bottle, the ones who toast with it will find Godly encouragement–unlike my last manuscript that spewed out frothy venom. Lord knows it was a pill. p.s. I look forward to reading Don’s next book.
Initiately I didn’t know if I agreed with ‘living 2012 again’, it seemed pointless. But I read your post again and I like the idea. It’s like beating yourself to the punch; it eliminates the power of excuses. Brilliant!
“…live a much smaller, slower life…” That is my intent as well – wise words. “Teach (me) to number (my) days, so that (I) may gain a heart of wisdom.” NIV
If you’re looking for a book to challenge you about slowing down and living in simplicity in possession, time, relationship, and life, “Abundant Simplicity: Discovering the Unhurried Rhythms of Grace” by Jan Johnson is delightfully convicting.
My goals are similar to yours. Fewer and more meaningful relationships (I quit FB 6 months ago and things already seem better) and to say No to more things in order to focus more time/energy/attention on the things that are really important to me. Like you said, a slower and smaller life.
I love this idea…what we all wouldn’t do for a ” do- over”! I’ve always hated it when people say they wouldn’t change a thing about the past because it has shaped them into who they are today…really? While this may true…and they have been molded into a better person….surely there are some “lessons” that didn’t need to be learned the hard way! For me…I wish I had relied on the LORD to help me cope better with people & daily stress…I want to be salt & light to a dying world…but can’t if I’m a stressed out, irritable, wreck! I wish I had let life slide off my shoulders more last year & been kinder to my loved ones.
My main goal is to love again like I was never hurt.
The difficulty in living the life I want is not in my dreams or in my goals. The difficulty is knowing that I may have to detach myself from beautiful, loving people that I’m surrounded by now to pursue those dreams. And that’s hard.
Is there a ‘right’ way to do that?
This idea reminds me of the movie Groundhog Day, the movie where Bill Murray lives the same groundhog day over and over and over again. Last year I was teaching a screen writing class in Guatemala and decided to show that movie to my class. I used it as an example of a good character arc, how a characters choices define the character and eventually change that character. To me this idea means living with a purpose. In the movie Murray never knows when the vicious cycle will end, so he does his best to make the most out of each day. This is a great challenge for a way to live 2012. My church in Littleton, CO has decided to challenge each other to live spiritually and look for God in every day. These two challenges seem to fit together. 2012 should be an interesting year.
I would pursue what God has put in my heart.
I’d have more moments of 20 seconds of insane courage…
Stop being so concerned about what other feel and focus more on doing what God wants me to do. Thanks for your posts that help me to think.
2011 was completely wonderful, except that I was constantly terrified, sometimes to the point of paralysis. 2012 looks to be more of the same kind of wonderful, and more of the same reasons to be terrified. They’re inseparable. All I want to do differently is stop being scared.
Lori…it just means your adventure is going to be that much more remarkable!
(spoken from the mouth of a complete scaredy cat…but never the less true!)
You’re amazing!
This is awesome. Thanks for sharing. :] I would love more, spend more time with God, read more, and exercise more.
I definitely want to be more active, setting aside passivity. Much good happened in 2011 for me, but largely because it fell into my lap. So much more could be done.
You have a favorite psychologist?
You’re not living unless you have a favorite psychologist.
Gotta love the do over. This year I’m going to forgive more. And forgive more easily. Simple goal that’s really hard for me to do.
I love New Year’s for a chance to re-focus and remember that every day is a new start. In fact, I just had a learning experience about that yesterday (http://itsakoolife.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/sundown-and-a-new-number/). I love that you are writing about re-focusing and re-prioritizing. From reading the comments it sounds as though others are encouraged to do the same which is good.
I love good inspiration but I also wonder if there is a piece of the picture missing here. We all have a tendency to over-schedule and in the process stray from our core values. I think it is part of being human. And when we realize what we have done, we tend to chastise ourselves that we messed up again and refocus on “performing better”. And goal setting isn’t inherently a bad thing.
But there is also room for pausing and recognizing that as bad as we may screw things up, there is a loving God who just gently reminded us that we were going in a self-destructive direction (even if all of our “too much” was in the name of “good things”). And he did it in just the right way so that we could hear it well. And he didn’t chastise us the way we do ourselves.
He can be counted on to re-focus us when we need to be, and our invitation is to in fact re-focus. But I think our other invitation is to marvel and linger in the grace and love of this infinite, tender God. In my opinion, it is moments like these that are the essence of living as someone who is deeply and desperately loved by God. I don’t want to perform better for God. I want to allow his love to change me from the inside out.
My oldest son will be starting his senior year in August. I want to slow down time and savor this bubble with him. I like the idea of a do-over this year Don, as I have often been guilty of wishing it away.
Living intentionally can be amazing as well as the thorn of our daily lives. I appreciate the concept of a second life. Personally my life’s journey has been like that-I have a huge deep crevis where part of how I defined myself died. From that point forward the growth of the rest of how I define myself took on greater meanig and perspective. Learn the lessons is the only thing I can say as the perceived failings bring forth new character. Godspeed to you!
Thanks for sharing, Don! One of my goals for this coming year is to remain Intentionally Aware. Intentional while investing in others. Intentional while investing in myself. Intentional with life.
I’d practice more dentistry:)
I would not dance through life like I did the first time around. Instead of being oblivious to the world around I would let compassion, mercy, peace, and love rule my decisions, my relationships, my events,my walk with God,and my attitude. I would heed what God always told the children of Israel”Remember.” I would remember every day that the first time around I made many foolish choices, didn’t put much effort into important relationships, went through the motions a majority of the time, and whined and complained only to have to do it God’s way anyway. I would do my best to remember everyday of the first time around so as to not repeat the cycle and to avoid the dreadful thought at the end of the first 2012 “where did it go and why do I feel 1 year behind.” This time I will remember and the rut of mundane everyday life will be broken and I will be clothed in love, peace, mercy, patience, and compassion.
If I could live the 2012 I want to live, I’d find that my daily actions demonstrate – at least to me, if not obvious to others – incredible trust in my God. Related to that, I’d be continuing to venture, quite often now in fact, outside my comfort zone, because of His leading and for His glory. And on a very practical level…I’d be bold enough to finally ask a guy I like out!
[...] Live this year as though you were living it for a second time. [...]
[...] the blogosphere, I’ve come across amazing new year perspectives. Donald Miller suggests taking Viktor Frankl’s advice in looking at 2012 as if you were living your life the second time around. Jeff Goins urges you to [...]
I recently stated that the first 30 years of my life were wasted having fun and making major mistakes some of which I’m still emotionally paying for. Then I spent the next 30 years thinking I understood what was expected of me by G-d and those around. If I’m granted another 30, I will have to live as you’ve suggested, because I haven’t gotten anything right yet. Consumed by astonishment at all the consequences and fear and anger and … oh well, guess I’d better be careful.
Thank you Mr. Miller and Mr. Frankl! Maybe somehow I’ll figure this all out, or enough to go to the next day.
Read a little less and write a lot more. I too often use reading as an “excuse” not to write!
I’m going to try to not borrow trouble from the future, the past or other people. Just live in the now.
In 2011 I made a promise that if something coming my way made me uncomfortable I’d do it because that meant I was going to be out of my comfort zone. This led to singing with my quartet overseas in a world competition, taking up the challenge of teaching several children’s and youth choirs, taking the plunge for two major exams, and coming to the end of the year gasping for breath – but knowing that I’d taken the challenge and achieved what I’d set out to do, and grown all the more for it in skill, humility, faith, and determination.
This year, while I still am kicking myself out of my comfort zone, I’d live it this way instead: I want to be kinder. To slow down sometimes. To not have perfection as an ultimate goal, but to learn to love the imperfections my choirs give me in the name of love and respect. Love. Live. Treasure the people who mean the most because they could be gone so suddenly there’s not even time to blink. Sing more. Rest more. Mostly? Live.
Hi you all. I’m simply enjoying your posts and all the thoughts left by others. Thinking about it made me wish that i could re-live same simple and beautiful moments I didn’t enjoy enough last year. And some of the bitter ones simply have to be made better in year that has begun. I hope to see all the simple beauty and kindness that is around me and forget about pouting if things are not going the exact same way I expect them to. I wish not to worry so much, not to worry constantly… and to find a quiet moment of rest, each day of this year that is kindly given to me. Also, I’ll try to dirty my shoes, clothes and hands much more often and my soul a bit less then last year
deep stuff! great idea for some pre 2012 meditation
I accidentally read this (via Twitter) as “live as if you’re living 2011 over again,” which for some reason is more inspiring to me. Probably because I felt like I accomplished nothing writing-wise in 2011. I don’t want that to happen again. Viva la writing!
Big fan of living “now” with new perspective, not just looking back with the aid of it. Anything to help me step out of circumstance, or live more consciously in its midst, and see with better eyes. This post helped clarify thoughts that, I hope, reflect similar sentiment…http://thomspt.blogspot.com/2012/01/beautiful-dance.html
I’m going to read this article a few more times. “everyone wants to change the world but nobody wants to do the dishes or take out the garbage…”. I’m going to quit trying to change the world.
Forgot to post the link! http://jollyblogger.wordpress.com/2011/11/23/thank-you/
[...] Miller poses an interesting question in Live This Year As Though You Were Living it the Second Time about how you might live your life a second time if given the [...]
I’m going to spend more time being with a handful of people instead of on facebook. I’m celebrating becoming debt free by giving what I once paid toward my own debts to programs which better the lives of students who attend the most at-risk high school in the city I live. I’m going to go to more high school sporting events with the students I mentor instead of a few professional ones. I want to find someone who’ll come with me to move into the neighborhood with the students I mentor, so I can truly offer them sanctuary. And I’m going to rejoice because every moment I get to have with those students redeems the disappointment of not having a family of my own. I’m going to live more in the truth that I don’t have to be a mom to nurture/grow children.
“I feel like I lived on planes and gave half efforts to books and blogs and conferences… I want to live more wisely, stick to my values and ethics, live a much smaller, slower life.”
Yes.
Thank you.
great post!
reminded me of this song by jon foreman “fake your own death”
GREAT song, one of my favorites!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTY2M3eum_0
I would have trusted myself more and had faith in what I knew what was right for me. Self-doubt and fear would fall away more easily. I would have a clearer head and far more energy!
And, most importantly, a grander sense of peace!
I will love more and laugh more!