I’m at the Echo Conference in Dallas, a conference for tech-minded communicators. It’s a unique conference and certainly something I’d attend if I wasn’t speaking. In fact, I’ve sat in on sessions. But that’s hardly the point. The point is, they put the speakers up in a hotel near by, a big high-rise thing and they gave each of us a suite. The suite comes with a kitchen, living room, and a conference table for taking over the world. And enough closet space to move Kanye in. The first thing I thought was that I needed a company, a group of business people who carry yellow pads to come storming into the room so we could figure out how to take something over. It was just a passing thought, but that’s what came into my mind when I walked into the room. Then I get over to the conference, and Scott McClellan, the big man who runs the conference and I started talking and I told him thanks for all the square footage because I like to run wind sprints. He said when Dan Merchant walked into the room, the first thing he thought was that he should go gather [...]

So if you’ve followed this blog at all you know I work as a writer but also as a private detective, basically tracking down cheating spouses and that sort of thing. That has severely limited my ability to keep up the blog. So on a few days a week my dog Lucy covers for me. Here are her thoughts on exercise: I hate exercise. It’s completely stupid. I’d no sooner stand around in a gym lifting weights than you’d eat your own poop. Eating your own poop makes complete sense because it’s filled with vital nutrients but standing around in a gym lifting weights makes no sense at all. I never, ever exercise. Call me lazy if you want, but I don’t exercise and don’t see the point of it. I don’t set fitness goals, I don’t plan out my week, I don’t work with a trainer (not the kind of trainer you’re thinking of. I work with a trainer sometimes and fitness trainers could learn something from my trainer, actually. If fitness trainers threw a mini-snickers at their clients every time they did a push up people would want to do more push ups but that’s off the subject.) [...]

My dog Lucy has been covering the blog for me lately, as I’ve been preoccupied trying to get some lint out of my belly button. It tickles so much but I can’t get it all out. Anyway, here’s her blog today. I’ll be back tomorrow reviewing Andrew Peterson’s new record, Counting Stars. It’s a lovely record that makes you want to cut the top off your car and go driving at night through the hills. But for now, here’s some thoughts from Goose: So Don and I have a good thing going. It’s just us up here in the condo, though it seems like we have somebody in the guest room every night. I like when we have guests but I wanted to say something about why I bark so loud when they first come to the door. I wanted to say why I run to the door and shout when I hear their suitcases rolling down the decking toward our door. I want to say why I keep barking even when Don pulls on my collar and tells me their name. I even growl sometimes but that’s not a bad thing in my opinion. I don’t bark for long [...]

Every so often Lucy, my dog, will take my blog for the day. It’s nice to get a break, honestly. I think she has some wise things to say. Here’s Lucy’s most recent blog: I pretty much like everybody. I don’t like them instantly, though, but if they show the slightest bit of niceness I like them immediately after and I like them a lot. When somebody first comes to the door I bark at them to let them know this is where we live. I set very clear boundaries. And then I get so excited to see them and be with them I just about explode. When my bladder was smaller I would just pee right there on the floor. I peed because I was very excited and also to show that I would be submissive and I wasn’t going to threaten them. Not all dogs are as trusting, but that’s another subject. Here’s the thing about people, though. Not everybody is going to like you back. But that’s okay. You shouldn’t hardly think about that at all. A dog can only take so much love. I have more than I even know what to do with. Here’s how [...]

While I’m working on another project, my dog Lucy has taken over the blog. I should be back blogging a few times next week. Until then, I’m hoping you and your dogs will enjoy Lucy’s perspective on life. I can tell by the way Don puts on his socks whether or not he is getting ready for work or whether we are going for a walk. His head is down when he’s getting ready to write. His head is up when we are going for a walk. That’s how you know. I lay in bed until he puts on his socks. From the time he gets up in the morning to the time he puts on his socks can take half an hour, which is fine with me. I sleep late. I roll over on my back and put my paws in the air and feel the wind from the ceiling fan against my belly. I love my belly. I love my body when I know it’s there. I don’t always know it’s there. Sometimes when people pet my hind end I remember I have a body but other than that I don’t think about it, unless of course there [...]

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