Contrasting this idea, I recently heard a man, while explaining how a person could convert to Christianity, say the experience was not unlike deciding to sit in a chair. He said that while a person can have faith that a chair will hold him, it is not until he sits in the chair that he has acted on his faith.

I wondered as I heard this if the chair was a kind of a symbol for Jesus, and how irritated Jesus might be if a lot of people kept trying to sit on Him.

And then I wondered at how Jesus could say He was a Shepherd and we were sheep, and that the Father in heaven was our Father and we were His children, and that He Himself was a Bridegroom and we were His bride, and that He was a King and we were His subjects, and yet we somehow missed His meaning and thought becoming a Christian was like sitting in a chair.

This passage was an excerpt from Searching for God Knows What.

The Three Dominant Biblical Metaphors Describing Our Relationship with God is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Becoming a Christian might look more like falling in love than baking cookies. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that in order for a person to know Jesus they must get a kind of crush on Him. But what I am suggesting is that, not unlike any other relationship, a person might need to understand that Jesus is alive, that He exists, that He is God, that He is in authority, that we need to submit to Him, that He has the power to save, and so on and so on, all of which are ideas, but ideas entangled in a kind of relational dynamic. This seems more logical to me because if God made us, wants to know us, then this would require a more mysterious interaction than what would be required by following a kind of recipe.

I realize it all sounds terribly sentimental, but imagine the other ideas popular today that we sometimes hold up as credible. We believe a person will gain access to heaven because he is knowledgeable about theology, because he can win at a game of religious trivia. And we may believe a person will find heaven because she is very spiritual and lights incense and candles and takes bubble baths and reads books that speak of centering her inner self; and some of us believe a person is a Christian because he believes five ideas that Jesus communicated here and there in Scripture, though never completely at one time and in one place; and some people believe they are Christians because they do good things and associate themselves with some kind of Christian morality; and some people believe they are Christians because they are Americans. If any of these models are true, people who read the Bible before we systematically broke it down, and, for that matter, people who believed in Jesus before the printing press or before the birth of Western civilization, are at an extreme disadvantage. It makes you wonder if we have fashioned a gospel around our culture and technology and social economy rather than around the person of Christ.

This passage was an excerpt from Searching for God Knows What.

Why Scripture Includes So Much Poetry is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Today’s guest post is courtesy of Josh Shipp. Josh is a teen behavior expert who has lectured at Harvard, Stanford, and who’s work has influenced more than two million teens and parents. He is the author of

The biggest threat to young people today is YOU. Rather, the absence of YOU. It’s not drugs or alcohol. It’s the lack of positive adult mentors in their life, and I see it with every at-risk teen I work with.

A teen with a mentor is 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs. I wholeheartedly believe every student is ONE mentor away from being a success story. This flip side, of course, is every mentor is ONE student away from being a success story. Mentors and students need each other. The student needs an example to follow. The mentor needs the motivation to be a good example. God designed it this way. Leadership is best applied in relationship.

People have always sought to learn from those who were more experienced or more knowledgeable. This relationship has taken on various forms throughout history, but relational leadership is the oldest form of education. Before mentorship, there was apprenticeship, a system of training a new generation of practitioners in a skill or trade. A young apprentice would build his career based on his master’s methods of doing business.

Before apprenticeship there was discipleship, like Socrates who taught Plato who taught Aristotle. This was a more intense process of living life with a master teacher. The master would show the student how to talk, walk, eat, and especially how to think. Before the Middle Ages, discipleship was considered the preferred track to rapid personal/spiritual growth. Being chosen to follow a master was an immense honor and would be equivalent to today’s full-ride scholarship to a university. If you were invited to be discipled by a master teacher, your entire family would adjust their lives around this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

People develop best with formal relational leadership. Consider this: personal life coaching is a $1.5 billion dollar a year industry, and it’s growing rapidly. Why? Because there is a lack of mentorship in our country, and people are so desperate for it they are willing to pay.  I’ve hired life coaches myself, and can be effective for highly-targeted breakthroughs. The problem is, hired guns aren’t truly invested in my life. What life coaching is to mentoring, prostitution is to real love: a degrading substitute for the real thing.

So where have all the mentors gone? At the peak of the industrial revolution at the turn of the twentieth century, the U.S. Government made secondary education mandatory partly as a recourse to dangerous labor environments forced upon young workers. While mandatory formal schooling was instituted out of good intentions, it often fails to address character development. By segregating our youth from the adult population, we force fourteen year-olds to learn about life from sixteen year-olds. The secondary education path is fine for kids with strong family bonds, but those without strong leadership figures are often left behind. The result has been a perpetual “fatherless generation complex” growing more at-risk each year. Youth cannot reach their potential through the influence of peers. They best mature through the influence of older, wiser, and more experienced mentors. If generational segregation was the start of the moral downfall of youth culture, than re-connection through formal mentorship is the logical solution to empower youth against the curse of low expectations.

For the sake of our nation’s future, we have a collective responsibility to mentor young people. I have made mentoring a strategic tool I use when working with at-risk youth. I have found that helping a family create a “village of supporters” from members of their community is the surest way to see rapid transformation in a child. Here are the four structural components of a vibrant mentoring relationship you can use with a young person in your life:

1. Mentoring works best with formal structure. Truthfully, we adults can be flaky, forgetful and busy, but students can be especially undependable. That is why formal structure is a non-negotiable for me. I like to design a formal mentoring structure that promotes informal relationship. For example, every mentor and student I train writes out a simple one-page contract that lays out the expectations of the mentoring relationship. including meeting times, expectations, and specific goals that the student wants to attain. This extra step ensures a healthy start by providing specific direction and subconsciously raises the value of the relationship.

2. Mentoring works best when done weekly. The old adage that says, “you get out what you put in” rings true with mentoring. If you plan on mentoring a student once a month, you will get a quarter of the impact compared to a weekly meeting. Students need weekly interaction in order to keep you updated with their rapid-changing life. If you can’t do a face-to-face each week, make yourself available via phone or email for real-time conversation. The more at-risk the student is, the more interaction they need to stay accountable to making healthy choices. Daily accessibility helps you stay connected with the student during the fragile “in-between gaps” of the week.

3. Mentoring works best through activities. Students reject clinical environments. They are not interested in therapy sessions; they are interested in friendship. It’s in the best interest of the mentor to discover what the student loves to do and create activities with that in mind. Mentoring is a selfless task, much like parenting. You have to be willing to do activities you might not be fond of. Whatever the activity, be sure to choose ones that allow you to engage in conversation. Watching a movie or playing video games are not ideal. Playing ball, fishing, helping with homework, etc., are activities that provide moments of significant conversation. Be purposeful with every encounter by having at least one thought-evoking and one thought-provoking question that will encourage thinking. An evoking question is designed to draw something out, like, “What problem is in your life right now that you could use help solving?” A provoking question is designed to give a new idea, like, “Would your home-life be more peaceful if you spoke to your mother respectfully?”.  Write these questions down in advance and show up prepared to mentor.

4. Mentoring works best with a goal. It is important that we teach young people how to set goals, work hard, and accomplish something. This skill alone could save their life in the near future. I always encourage the mentor to ask the student, “If I could help you accomplish something in the next three months, what would it be?” No matter how trivial the goal might seem, you have a huge opportunity to take them through the logical process of goal setting and planning. This positions you as their supporter and gives you both a project to work on together. The goal may be to get a bully to stop teasing, asking a girl to the school dance, or passing a math exam. Whatever seems important to them is what you should work on. Don’t try and give them a goal that they are not passionate about. The ultimate reason for teaching them to set goals is to help them transfer this skill into adulthood, where the stakes are higher. This is arguably the most important skill set they need to navigate the fragile years of adolescence. Help them figure out where they want to go and equip them with the skills to get there. This encourages leadership and cures chronic followship.

Towards the end of His life, Jesus commissioned His followers to “go and make disciples.” The Creator of mankind understood that the best way to help others grow is through the exchange of truth and life. His formal process included an initial call to follow, a clarification of expectations, and a commitment to finish whatever project is started. I am convinced that we MUST respond to His commissioning and follow His example. When we do, we discover what He was trying to teach His followers: more time with less people equals greater impact. I pray that you, too, will answer His call to invest in the next generation. Our future depends on it.

Mentoring: The Ancient Solution for Future Generations is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

My problem with Cowen’s talk is that he positions himself as the good guy in a story, battling the bad guy, which is, confusingly, STORY ITSELF. If you listen to his talk, he’s doing the exact thing he’s warning us about. He’s telling a story and he’s made himself a character in that story. He’s made himself the hero, rescuing us from bad thinking. That, my friends, is a story.

At about ten minutes in, Mr. Cowen confesses this, but it’s too late. He’s already positioned story as suspect, the way a culture might present shovels as suspect if they’d been used in too many murders. I’d rather have him show us how to use a shovel than scare us about how we are going to be killed by them. What we need, then, is people who tell great stories with their lives, based in truth. We need people to live better stories so those around us can learn to live better stories themselves.

A better method would not be to attack stories (who would win that fight? An earth without Middle Earth is boring) but rather to warn us about making our stories too simplistic, and warning us that stories can be used to manipulate.

As somebody who is routinely painted in real-life stories as either the hero or the villain, I can tell you that simple people who frame life into simple stories are annoying. I have encountered many people who demonize me as the villain, either because of my theology or because I’ve wronged them (as a human) in some way. These people always position themselves as the hero. In other words, the story they are living within is complete fiction. But it makes them feel good, and at my expense. So I love what Tyler is saying here, it’s just that he throws the baby out with the bathwater. Meanwhile, he’s actually swimming in the bathwater himself.

Here’s the talk:

If you want to understand your life as a story, and truly realize the importance of your role in the lives of those around you, consider attending Storyline. We’ve seen thousands of people go from living meaningless, fictional stories about the American dream to meaningful, beautiful stories about relationships and sacrifice. We’d love to have you.

Thoughts on Tyler Cowen and his TED Talk on Story is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Jimmy Stewart. An actor I've always associated with good character.

The blogosphere is abuzz with advice for the new year. We’re being given tricks and tips on getting ahead, becoming more efficient and so forth. But as a guy who helps people live better stories, I have to tell you the best advice I’ve ever heard is simple: Work on your character and a good life will come to you.

Of course we have to define “good life” and we also have to acknowledge this is far from a “biblical law” that is destined for success. To be sure, nothing is for sure. But I like the idea and find it comforting. I like the idea that I can stop trying to control the people around me and just work on myself, just work on being a slightly better Don.

Does it mean everything will be great? No, not really. Conflict is part of every good life. No meaningful story is void of conflict. But what it does mean is that in every context, I can always control what I can control, and that’s me. Just because there’s a storm on the ocean doesn’t mean there has to be a storm within me.

Here are some interesting camera angles I’ve found on the topic of good character. Or here are some reasons I’m going to focus more on character:

1. I’m tired of tricks and tips. I just want to be. And I want to be better. And I am being drawn to slow-growth metaphors rather than quick-fix solutions.

2. I don’t want to go getanything anymore. I don’t want to stand in line at the “discount good life shop.” I just want to enjoy a sunset or sunrise of drive in the country or book. I think having good character IS the good life, in a way. Practicing good character has a way of stabilizing us and keeps us from pining for the things we don’t have. Having good character means cleaning up our inside world, rather than filling it with more stuff like an emotional pack rat.

In the end, having character is about settling. And I firmly believe one key to the happy life is settling. By settling I mean it’s a decision to no longer be gluttonous. I’m gluttonous in so many ways. Not just with food, but with relationships and praise and money and so many other things. Having good character means settling for what little I have, and participating in life rather than trying to conquer life.

3. I think it’s true that character attracts character. When we find ourselves surrounded by people who lack character, it’s probably because our lack of character created compatibility. It’s not always true, but like people often find each other. When we have good character, we have better, more easy conversation with others who have good character and our relationships soon become networks of good people. This is comforting to me.

4. Having good character means having fewer regrets. I hate regrets. I hate sitting around thinking of the crappy things I’ve said to people, or the crappier things I’ve done. I want to build in a few years without regrets to look back on.

5. Having good character is better than making people think you have integrity. It’s fine to have integrity, but it’s a waste of time to convince others that you do. Working on my character seems more Godward and inward focussed than outward focussed on what other humans think. Having good character feels more like having good weather inside you. I want good weather inside me.

I’m going to think about this for a while. Work on your character and a good life will com to you. Will you test it out with me? Lets see if it’s true.

Work on Your Character and a Good Life Will Come to You is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Why I Love Jesus but Hate Religion is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

A Storyline is a life-mapping tool consisting of several modules, modules that help you understand yourself as a character, chart the positive and  negative turns in your life, anticipate and have a positive attitude about conflict and fuel your life with vision. Without story structure, our lives feel like they don’t make sense. But when you’ve created your storyline, you’re sitting in the theater of your mind, fully engaged in your own story. You’re wondering what’s going to happen next, because you know who the character is and where they’d like to go.

Let me explain:

What is Storyline? from Donald Miller on Vimeo.

At the Storyline Conference, you’ll spend two days creating your Storyline, and being inspired to live a better story. If you’ve not registered, consider registering today.

What is a Storyline? And Should You Have One? is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

I believe Jesus was God and the Son of God, and I believe much of what is in the book has happened, in one way or another. I tend to believe Job could be myth, but I’d guess somebody like Job existed, whether or not Satan interacted with him or not (the bulk of the book is written in poetry, so the idea Job said what he said, exactly, simply can’t be true, unless he was a weird fruit nut who sat around talking in poetry) but as myth, it does help me reconcile my avoidant tendencies with the facts of reality. As a people, we don’t like reality. The majority of our energy is spent repressing rightful anger or drawing philosophical maps in our minds that give us way-points we can use to live and be and understand (these way points are, in my opinion, lies.)

I like the Bible, the myth and the history, for this reason: It squarely faces the facts of our reality. And what are those facts? Life is utterly and completely brutal. It is devastating and dark. Life is morbid. And the Bible has no problem admitting this. It’s our self-help culture that sticks its head in the ground.

Is God willing to let Job be essentially tortured by Satan? Yes, he is. Is God willing to let His son be tortured and die? Yes, He is. Is God apologetic about all of this? No, He isn’t. Why? Because all the pain is motivated by love. It’s a war. A reconciliation effort between himself and a manipulative, victim-oriented lover who simply wants to rape life, God and the book He left for her own purposes. We are selfish through and through, C.S. Lewis says. And…”I talk of love, but a scholars parrot may talk Greek.”

And yet, beneath the brutal and love-fueled war of a mess, there is a sweetness to life. It’s as though the pain is a pulling of all things apart, a stopping of a fight, a reconciling of the world back to peace. There is, in story terms, a great disturbance in the world and the world is heading back toward peace.

We are, as a people, in the middle of Act II of this story. Those who have been converted to Christ may believe their story has experienced a climax, but it hasn’t. And only fools and info-mercial style preachers believe such a thing. The truth is the brutality goes on. We murder each other with our words, we use each other, we suffer the burdens we receive, and we give often equally in return. We are a wayward, primitive children, fatherless, being daily disciplined through love, but disciplined nonetheless.

The aim, then, is to find the sweetness, the love that fuels the plants that feed us and our own deaths that will feed the plants that will feed others. But this requires an understanding that the universe does not orbit around us, and that we are not suns. If one can understand this, and give up all control and only play a part, that person will think a bit more like God, I believe. In a way, they become empathetic with all things, rather than defensive, considering all things threats.

What is the most brutal reality of life? It’s this: It’s not about us. It’s not about you, and it’s not about me. If we don’t get laid or paid, it goes on in all it’s brutal beauty. It goes on to water and feed itself, the sweetness of it goes on as a mother nurses her child, as a father swims with his son off the rock-shore of an inlet. It goes on with or without us. How much of our beliefs, the Biblical and un-biblical that we cling to are really about convincing us that wherever we go, life goes. When we die, life will move to heaven? No, it will not. It will have been there, and when we go there it will remain here too. Gratitude, then, could be arrived at by joining life rather than pulling life around us like an applauding audience. It applauds for sure, but it isn’t clapping for us. It’s asking us to clap with it, in joinful joy.

Campbell says it this way: “That’s the first function of mythology: not merely a reconciliation of consciousness to the preconditions of its own existence, but reconciliation with gratitude, with love, with recognition of the sweetness. Through the bitterness and pain, the primary experience at the core of life is a sweet, wonderful thing.”

If story is a sense-making device, and the aim of myth to reconcile our subconscious to the facts of reality, Christianity works. It’s myth works and it’s history works and it’s truth (believed by faith, not by proof) work to reconcile our minds to the brutal facts of reality. I like it. I’m in.

Embracing the Sweet, Brutal Reality of Life is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

At the Portland conference, you’ll enjoy a special screening of Blue Like Jazz right after it hits theaters.

This year the conference has expanded. We’ve added an extra hour of lecture and several extra hours of reflection time. Along with this, we’ve revamped the notebook so you’ll leave with a complete Storyline (read Life Plan) you can use for years to come as a way of keeping yourself on track to tell a great story with your life.

At Storyline, participants learn to:

• Bond with God in the living of great stories.

To register, simply click here. We will see you in April!

Are you living a great story with your life? from Donald Miller on Vimeo.

The 2012 Storyline Conference is Open for Registrations! is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

So, what would it look like for us to have great character in 2012 and stop working on our reputation? Who really cares what people think?

I learned this lesson several years ago. I ran into a person who worked endlessly on their reputation but had terrible character. When their character was revealed (which happens in intimacy) they were a complete let down. The truth is, they wouldn’t have been a let down at all if they would have been themselves.

People don’t judge who we are, they judge who we’ve led them to believe we are.The more time and effort we put into making ourselves look great, the longer and harder the fall when the truth comes out. And eventually the truth comes out.

What I took from that relationship was difficult, but it’s something we have to face in our early twenties, usually, and that’s there’s a difference between our reputation and our character. Since then, I’ve decided not to work very hard on my reputation. Or at least I hope that’s true. I air most of my dirty laundry, so nobody will judge me. People only judge those who claim to be better than others, more holy, more righteous more moral. When I’m ethical, I just look good. When somebody who works on their reputation isn’t ethical, they find themselves in social court. Working on our reputation is just a dumb move.

Here are some other reasons to have good character and not worry about our reputations:

1. God rewards character, not reputation. To care about your reputation means you care more about public opinion than the opinion of God. I notice that some of my friends who work endlessly on their reputations never really advance in life, love or their careers. People who work on their reputation “have their reward in full” meaning that God has no interest in rewarding them, but they will get people to be impressed by them and that’s about all they are going to get. This is the essence of “worldliness” even though it is wearing religious clothes. The worldly person gets their pleasure and redemption and religion from the world, a person who knows God doesn’t work for an human audience. Who cares what they think, honestly. Just do the right thing because it’s the right thing and let God reward you.

2. If you present yourself as better than you are, you can’t have intimacy. People who lie about who they really are are socially bankrupt, lonely, and have a string of bad relationships. Why? Because they can’t let people know them. They are too busy trying to win in some kind of “game.” Screw the game. Make friends. Settle for being medium great. You’re heart will thank you.

3. Tell the truth. There’s nothing more healing than living in the truth and presenting yourself as who you really are. It’s easier to sleep at night.

4. When you work on your character, you’re working on the stuff that happens when nobody is looking. This is infinitely more difficult than misleading and deceiving people. But it’s the stuff that really sets you apart. It’s the stuff God rewards.

What would your life look like if you stopped working on your reputation and started working on your character?

Reputation vs Character? According to John Wooden, We Should Choose Character is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog