I was glad to see the subject of his new book because now I don’t have to call him every time I get the inkling. Instead, I can pick up platform.

I don’t endorse many books on this blog but because I get so many questions about writing and speaking I wanted to let you know Mike’s book releases this week. For writing, I recommend William Zinsser’s  On Writing Well and for the creative Process, Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art. And for all the rest, that is for marketing and self promotion, bringing a product to market and building a following, I recommend Michael Hyatt’s Platform.

Mike is doing some special promotion this week and you can get a lot of free resources here. The best to you as you build your platform, too.

Need Help Building a Platform? Michael Hyatt Has Some Good Advice is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

If you live in or near Nashville or want to take a trip this weekend and join us at the Storyline Conference. A Storyline is a 65-page workbook containing three exercises and six modules that, once completed, will give you a full life plan. And add to that, the process is fun.

At Storyline our mission is to help people tell better stories with their lives. Our life-plan isn’t based on achieving the American dream but rather having a sense of fulfillment at the end of our lives when the credits roll.

At Storyline you’ll clarify your ambitions, prioritize your relationships and learn to manage them, anticipate conflict and learn to engage challenges rather than run from them, and envision climactic scenes that will be more powerful than setting goals.

Most of our goals aren’t reached because they lack a narrative context. Our brains don’t work like computers in the sense we can input a goal and output action. Instead, we are motivated and inspired when we find ourselves in the middle of a great story.

This coming Sunday we will be holding our first-ever Nashville Conference. And a month later we will be visiting beautiful Santa Barbara, California for our conference at Westmont University.

In Nashville we will be joined by special guests Jamie Tworkowski, Bob Goff and Amy Grant. You’ll be entertained and inspired.

Register today. Join us!

The Blog is on Pause for Storyline! is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

You’ll be surprised at how differently you feel about the decision. You’ll weigh safety over excitement, risk over comfort. You’ll likely decide to love people more, quit your job, bring home roses, leap off the cliff into the water and so on. Great characters in exciting stories don’t sit around on the couch playing it safe. They get up, move, try, fail and risk it all again.

Living a great story costs something. People who live great stories know failure isn’t a judgment, it’s an education.

In America, the stories we are living are boring. And people are suffering the emotional consequences of the American dream. They hate their lives. We live vicariously through television shows and gossip magazines because our lives are insufferably meaningless.

Whatever will work in a story will work in life, too. After all, we are each living a story. If our story is boring, it’s because we’ve chosen a safe route.

What if your life could be as inspiring and as interesting as the shows we watch on television?

So, today, ask yourself “If I were a character in a story, what could I do right now to make my story interesting?”

And then do it. Why? Because you are a character in a story. You always have been.

The American dream got hijacked. It’s time to take it back. Lets turn off the television and start living a better story today.

*At Storyline, we’re fighting to live lives more interesting than television. We are creating a community of people who are planning and executing great stories. We will teach you the framework, but the story is all yours. Not only this, but we’ll introduce you to real-life people who are taking chances and inspiring others with their lives. Join us.

What if Your Life Could be More Engaging Than Television? is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Today’s guest post is by Justin Zoradi, who runs an nonprofit called These Numbers Have Faces. Justin has guest posted before and I hope we hear more from him in the future. Today’s guest post is about creativity, but to me it’s also about maturity. Justin elaborates on some of the thoughts in Andy Crouch’s book Culture Making.

In an age where too many books aren’t new material, but critiques of whatever else is out there, Justin argues we need to mature from consumers to critics to creators. Great thoughts:

Stop Critiquing and Start Creating, How to Defy and Destroy our Barriers to Change is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

This year we have an amazing line up of special guests.

We are still doing our flagship conference in the trendy Pearl District of Portland (early registration ends TOMORROW) and the following week we will be in Nashville, TN. About three weeks later, we will be in beautiful Santa Barbara and at each conference we have some inspiring people stopping by.

This year’s conference is all new, too. We’ve created a 55 page workbook including nine modules that, once complete, will give you a life plan based on the elements of story. Essentially, you’ll be plotting your life the way great writers plot their novels and screenplays. It’s a whole new way of viewing your life and creating a life plan has never been more fun.

Bob will be joining us at Portland and Nashville's Storyline

In Portland, our special guest is Bob Goff, whose book Love Does releases this week (If you’re coming, we’ve got a copy of his book as our gift to you.) Bob is the living, breathing Walt Disney of construction lawyers and also happens to be the American Consul to Uganda. I’ll be interviewing Bob extensively about his school in Uganda, his passion for family, his crazy thirst for adventure and motivation to spread God’s love. Bob does life like nobody I’ve ever met and I think you’ll be inspired by what he has to say. For our special event in Portland, we will be showing Blue Like Jazz. For those of you who haven’t been able to see it yet, we’re rolling it out and I’ll be doing a Q and A after.

Amy will be performing a special, acoustic concert at Nashville's Storyline

Bob will also be joining us in Nashville, along with our friend Amy Grant.Amy will be performing an acoustic set and talking a bit about her life. I could list all of Amy’s accomplishments, but honestly, she’s just a hometown, Nashville girl who has lived an unbelievably exciting and redemptive life. We are honored that she’d be willing to join us! (Early registration for Storyline Nashville ends next week!)

Jamie will be joining us in Nashville and Santa Barbara

Joining us in both Nashville and Santa Barbara will also be Jamie Tworkowski. Jamie is a dear friend of ours who started the organization To Write Love on her Arms for which a film called Renee will be released later this year. Jamie is a humanitarian with a mission, helping thousands of kids and adults who struggle with depression and hopelessness writer better stories for their lives. You’ll be inspired to live a better story by hearing from Jamie.

Jeremy Cowart will be joining us in Santa Barbara

In Santa Barbara, our special guest is acclaimed photographer Jeremy Cowart. Jeremy has photographed both wealth and poverty, the famous and the marginalized and has helped millions see the world differently. Perhaps one of the most creative guys in the industry, we will talk to Jeremy about his many projects including Help Portrait, an organized effort in which photographers all over the world set up shop on a specific day and create head shots for those who can’t afford to have their picture taken. In a digital age of Facebook and online resume’s, this simple act has changed the lives of thousands.

Everybody we ask to be a special guest at Storyline is a friend. And those who come become friends, too. We are building a community, and we’d love for you to join us!

REGISTER TODAY!

Storyline Special Guests! is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

I’ve only had two friends (that I know about) who’ve looked me in the eye and told me lies.

Henry Cloud and John Townsend say that people lie for one of two reasons. The first is out of shame or fear. Somebody may believe they won’t be accepted if they tell the truth about who they are, so they lie. (You can see how religious communities that use shame and fear to motivate might increase a person’s temptation to lie, then.) People who lie for this reason can get better and learn to tell the truth. Until they do, however, it’s impossible to connect with them, all the same. The second kind of liar is less fortunate. Some people lie simply because they are selfish. These liars are pathological. They will lie even when it would be easier to tell the truth. Cloud and Townsend warn that we need to stay away from these people. Personally, I think people like this are pretty rare, but I agree, we simply can’t depend on them emotionally or practically.

Still I wonder if people who lie understand what they’re doing. I think some people want grace and certainly they can get grace, but when we lie, we make the people we are lying to feel badly about the relationships and about themselves. We like people who make us feel respected, cared about and honored. Lying to somebody communicates the opposite.

Here are the things that lies did to my two relationships:

1. • When my friends lied, I felt disrespected and unimportant. They didn’t seem to care about me or trust me enough to tell the truth. This made me feel bad about myself, as though I were not important or trustworthy enough to be told the truth.
2. • When I found out the extent of one of the lies, I felt like a fool. Technically, my friend didn’t really lie. She just told me “part” of the truth. It was as though she were testing out whether she was safe to be vulnerable. (She told many other lies, but this was just one of them.) But it backfired. When I found out things were worse than she’d made them seem, I felt tricked and deceived. Again, without meaning to, she’d made me feel bad about myself because I felt like somebody who could be conned.
3. • I thought less of my friends. I knew they were willing to “cheat” in relationships. When we lie, we are stealing social commodity without having earned it. People can lie their way into power, and in one instance with a friend, she lied her way into moral superiority. Still, none of the authority or moral superiority (such a thing exists, and while it’s misused, it’s not a bad thing not unlike intellectual superiority or athletic superiority. It just is. An appropriate use of those two examples of superiority might be to lead a team or teach a class.)
4. • I felt sad and lonely. When we think we are getting to know somebody, we are giving them parts of our hearts. But when they lie, we know they’ve actually held back their hearts while we’ve been giving them ours. This made me feel lonely and dumb.
5. • I felt like I couldn’t trust them. The only thing more important than love in a relationship is trust. Trust is the soil love grows in. If there’s not trust, there’s no relationship. When my friends lied, our trust died. As much as I wanted to forgive them, and feel like I did and have, interacting with them was no longer the same. I doubted much of what they said. Sadly, I think both of them began to tell more and more of the truth. But it didn’t matter. Once trust is broken, it’s extremely hard to rebuild.
6. • If they didn’t confess (and in one relationship lied in their confession) I felt like they didn’t care enough about me to come clean and make things right. They were still thinking of themselves.

Here’s what didn’t happen. I didn’t think less of them, and while I was angry, I wasn’t angry because I thought they were a bad person. The person who lied probably assumed I felt such things, but I didn’t. What really happened was I felt terrible about myself and when somebody makes us feel bad about ourselves, we tend to get hurt and move away.

If you’ve lied in a relationship, though, and are truly wanting to LEARN to live on the up and up, what can you do? Well, there’s plenty. Life isn’t over yet. Here’s some places to start:

• Confess. And don’t half confess (just another lie) but actually confess. This may take some time for you. You may have to sit down with a pen and paper and write it all down. Your mind will want to lie, but you have to tame your mind. It may take you some time to even understand what the truth really is. You’re going to feel ashamed and at risk, but you have to go there anyway. People are much more kind and forgiving than you think. And if they’re not, you should confess and find people who are more safe.

• Accept the consequences. You’re going to have to pay for your lies. People will not and should not trust you as much as they did before. However, getting caught in a lie and confessing a lie are two different things. The former will cost you a bit, but you can rebuild quickly. The latter will cost you everything. Another thing to consider is that the truth might have lost you a small battle, but you’d have won the war because in the long run people would have trusted you. From here on out, be willing to suffer the slight, daily consequences of telling the truth. You’d be surprised at how much less tension there is in your life when you walk openly and honestly.

• Don’t expect the relationship to be the same, but if the person doesn’t forgive you, just know you can move on. You’ve confessed and hopefully apologized and you aren’t beholden to them anymore. They need to wrestle with forgiving you and that’s now their burden. It’s an unfair burden, but we all have to face such things.

• Don’t lie anymore. It’s not important that everybody like you or approve of you. Allow people to get used to who you are. Telling the truth may mean you don’t get to be in control anymore or that people won’t like you as much. That’s fine. At least they are interacting with the real you. The deep connections you’ll make from telling the truth are worth it.

The Devastating Power of Lies in a Relationship is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

I was in college and thought I wanted to be a forest ranger and later, a surfer. Then I got my first “dear Bob” letter from someone I really cared for who didn’t want to date a forest ranger or a surfer any more.

I’ve learned that God sometimes allows us to find ourselves in a place where we want something so bad that we can’t see past it. Sometimes we can’t even see God because of it. When we want something that bad, it’s easy to mistake what we truly need for the thing we really want. When this sort of thing happens, and it seems to happen to everyone, I’ve found it’s because what God has for us is obscured from view, just around another bend in the road.

In the Bible, the people following God had the same problem I did. They swapped the real thing for an image of the real thing. We target the wrong thing and our misdirected life’s goal ends up looking like a girl or a wide-brimmed hat or a golden calf. All along, what God really wants for us is something much different, something more tailored to us.

It’s in my nature, maybe all of our natures, to try to engineer things. So I skew the answers to get what I thought I wanted. But when I do that, I also get what I don’t want, too, like a cot and a room full of guys. The first time I wanted someone to care for me as much as I cared for her, she picked someone else and I tried to talk her out of it. If I had been successful, I wouldn’t have experienced love in the unique way that I have. I wouldn’t have found who and what God tailor-made for me.

I’m kind of glad I didn’t end up being a forest ranger or a surfer. I’m even glad things turned out the way they did after I drove away from UCLA. While painful at the time, I can see now, many years later when I look in the rearview mirror of my life, evidence of God’s tremendous love and unfolding adventure for me. I’ve received many letters since then in my life that started out “Dear Bob.” Some were letters so thick they had to be folded several times to fit in the envelope. They left me feeling as folded when I read their words with shattering disappointment. Still, whatever follows our “Dear Bobs” is often another reminder that God’s grace comes in all shapes, sizes, and circumstances as God continues to unfold something magnificent in me.

And when each of us looks back at all the turns and folds God has allowed in our lives, I don’t think it looks like a series of folded-over mistakes and do-overs that have shaped our lives. Instead, I think we’ll conclude in the end that maybe we’re all a little like human origami and the more creases we have, the better.

* You can pre order Love Does today. It’ll be out officially on May 1 but rumor has it they’ve already shipped tons of them, so you may get it much sooner.

Thoughts on Getting Dumped, a Guest Post from Bob Goff is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Today’s guest post is by one of my favorite Portlandites (and people in general) Justin Zoradi. Justin runs a global education organization empowering young people to become leaders and fight poverty. He’s guest posted before and I hope he offers more to this blog in the future. You can read more of Justin’s musings over at www.justinzoradi.com

Want To Do Meaningful Work? Keep Reading. Literally. is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

I realized I was a controlling person not long ago when a therapist caught me in the act. I was wondering out loud why a friend was doing what she was doing and the thearpist questioned why I was trying to get inside somebody else’s head.

“What does it matter why people do what they do? Are you trying to predict behavior to gain a sense of security?”

It was a terrific observation. Trying to figure out why people are doing what they are doing is a preface to trying to control or influence them indirectly. If I really wanted to know why they were doing what they were doing, I could just ask. But I didn’t want to ask because it was none of my business. They had a right to think and do as they wished.

Turns out controlling tendencies can hide anywhere. And most of the time (if not all the time) we don’t know we’re doing it.

The therapist went on to explain how relationships should work. She put three large couch pillows on the floor and stood on one of the outside cushions. She then had me stand on the other outside cushion so there was an empty cushion between us.

“This is my pillow” she said, “and that is yours. This is my life and that is yours. The pillow in the middle represents our relationship. So, my responsibility is all about the pillow I’m standing on and yours is about yours. Together, we are responsible for the relationship. But at no point should I be stepping on your pillow.”

What she meant by that was this: I can’t change anybody. I can’t force them or guilt them or shame them into doing anything. All I can do is stay on my pillow and ask myself whether or not I like the relationship. If I don’t, I can tell the other person what I want in a relationship and see if they want the same thing. If not, I move on, and so do they.

In marriage, of course, it’s much harder. You can’t just walk away. But in business relationships and friendships, and even in dating, the model works quite well.

I found the metaphor freeing, actually. No more wishing people would change or explaining “if they only did it this way we would be better friends.” Instead, I just say “this relationship doesn’t work” and there’s nothing I can do about it. If I’ve explained what I want in a relationship but the other person isn’t on board, no harm no foul.

It’s difficult in some relationships, I know, because sometimes you have to watch people destroy their lives, but that’s just the point. Their lives are theirs to destroy.

I found the principle to be true in business, too. When somebody tries to sell a little too hard, they are on my pillow so I back off or set better boundaries. It’s also a great way to find and enter into relationships with clients. If they want what you’re selling, great, and if not, that’s also great. Business relationships work better when they’re natural and not forced and everybody stays on their pillow.

And in my spiritual life it’s the same. If somebody is giving me a guilt trip, they’re on my pillow. I believe much of evangelicalism is influenced by leaders who don’t realize they are standing all over their congregation’s pillows. Some leaders feel incredibly insecure unless they are managing the lives of everybody around them. Make no mistake, this isn’t strength, it’s incredible weakness. Just tell the truth, explain the consequences, and let people make their own decisions.

Here are a few ways to know whether you might be a controlling person:

• You imagine a life in which somebody else was different, and indirectly try to affect their change.

• You get angry when things aren’t going your way and you let people know it.

• You can only be surrounded by people who are submissive to you.

• You give the silent treatment to people you are angry with.

• You are often tempted to show somebody the errors they don’t see in themselves.

What ways do you tend to step on other people’s pillows? Do you shame people (I’m guilty of that) or give them the silent treatment? How do you try to influence others without being direct or when their lives are none of your business?

How to Know if You’re a Controlling Person is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Times have changed, though, and now I’m that guy. About once a week I’m criticized for promoting my books (haven’t done that in about two years though) or our movie, or the Storyline conference. About every fifth blog is an invitation to take part in something I’m doing. But I don’t feel arrogant about it at all.

Here are a few reasons I promote my work:

1. My work isn’t about me. It’s about others. As I’ve gotten older I’ve lost interest in making myself look good and become more interested in creating great experiences for people or changing culture. To me, this is more interesting. It’s still my name on the cover of the book or in the titles of the film, but I spend less money on clothes and haircuts because I’m distracted. Ever notice how people who don’t promote themselves have an image of being cool and aloof that they spent months creating and practicing? You’re not fooling us, hipsters, we know you’re self centered all the same!

2. I believe in my work. I’ve seen the suff I’ve done change lives, provide mentors for kids, make people feel less lonely, save marriages and all that stuff. It took years, but I actually started to understand that in the way a doctor could help somebody with a medical problem, I could help them through an emotional problem. I promote my work because my work helps people.

3. I work with teams. I remember years ago being late turning in a book and about that same time my publisher let a bunch of people go. I was partly responsible for that. I cost people their jobs and it was a terrible feeling. I’ve decided to be a writer and to write with a publisher and that means I work with people. To not get out there and tell people about my work is arrogant and selfish. People are depending on me.

Conversely, here’s the reality about all that cynicism about self promotion. Here are some reasons people don’t promote their work:

1. Those who do not promote their work usually live off the backs of other people. I hear from a lot of ministers we should only promote Jesus. But if you’re a minister, business people who promote their real-estate agencies, insurance agencies or their skills as a plumber are feeding your children. If you think you should only promote Jesus, you should stop taking money from anybody who advertises or works for companies that do. Lets be consistent, here.

God Himself created farming and created our bodies in such a way we have to eat. That means we have to work and the fact anybody can sit around reading books all day sharing their ideas (don’t forget, that’s exactly what I do) is a complete and total luxury. Not only this, but if we work for a large corporation, we’d better hope they advertise and promote the products we are making, otherwise we’d be out of a job. Not having to promote, in other words, is a luxury and should be seen as such.

2. People who don’t promote their work may not be humble at all, in fact, they may be too proud to be seen as a salesman. I used to think I was humble, but then I realized I didn’t want to be one of those info-mercial guys and so my motivation was anything but humility. I was the opposite, I was proud. Too proud and too cool to sell anything. I was also poor and offering nothing to the world except my latest variation of a stupid mustache (No offense, stupid mustache wearers. God know’s we need you at our coffee shops to create that artist vibe. We appreciate you.)

3. People who don’t promote their work may not yet believe in their work. If you’re a new singer/songwriter, you may just be figuring out whether you’re any good. You may have doubts and so are sheepish. But people who know they are good have no problem standing in front of a crowd telling them they can buy their CD in the back. After all, if it’s a good CD, who cares. They’re actually offering a service.

4. People who don’t promote their work aren’t lost in their work. For me to get up in the morning and build the next piece of Storyline or work on the next chapter of a book is a thrill. I lose myself in the work. Working on a creative project is the best and most healthy way to escape, especially if you’re working with a team. Far from being self centered, doing creative work for a living is a wonderful way to break free from constant narcissism.

5. People who don’t promote their work don’t have employees and associates. If you’re a small businessperson, you likely have employees who count on you to get your name out there or the name of your products. Working with teams is a blast and we come to love those we work with. They’ve given their lives and their skills to you as a creative person or businessperson and you owe it to them to take confidence in your work and get it out into the marketplace.

6. Self promotion is not unholy. Occasionally I’ll encounter some well-meaning religious person who thinks self promotion works against the fame of God. I whole-heartedly disagree. In his day, Billy Graham spent millions promoting himself and his crusades, all so people could come HEAR HIM TALK ABOUT GOD. Those who know Mr. Graham would never see him as arrogant. He was over himself. But that didn’t mean God didn’t give him a personality and a mouth and later a microphone. Flowers bloom and mountains tower not to take attention from God, but to display His glory. So if you’re a dancer, dance, a singer, sing and if you write books, write them well. Lose yourself in the work and play with God in the creative process. And please, cut the false humility and religious crap about how you only promote Jesus. It’s annoying. Get in touch with your own depravity and realize you’re a scumbag like the rest of us and stop talking about how humble you are all the time. Learn to dance or something.

Of course, there are those who really are in it for themselves. I know, I know, they can be annoying. But don’t roll your eyes at every artist who tells you about their new album or book or business. People have to feed themselves and their families and other people’s families. And for heaven’s sake, if you believe in your work, share it with the world.

What project do you want to share with my readership? Leave links in the comment sections. Let’s see what you’ve been up to. It’s time to believe in yourself. God made that mind of yours, show us how you’ve taken responsibility for that amazing fact and let us see what you’ve done with it.

Some Thoughts on Self Promotion and Why Arrogant People Think it’s Wrong is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog