09Mar, 2012

Are You Playing the Victim to Manipulate Others?

Posted by Don
51

To some degree, every one of us has been a victim. We were either neglected by our parents, picked on at school or ripped off in a business deal later in life. When we are healthy, we can learn from those experiences, forgive and move on. But when we’re not, we tend to re-victimize ourselves over and over. What I mean when I say re-victimize ourselves is we play the “recording” of the event again and again in our minds because it actually gives us some morbid form of comfort. When we are somebody’s victim, we actually have a little bit of power over them. Control freaks love to play the victim, for example. If they are victims, they can control the person who hurt them because that person “owes them something now” and they can also control everybody around them by draining sympathy and attention from their community. I doubt there’s anybody reading this blog who hasn’t done this. I certainly have. In fact, it’s difficult to even realize we are doing it. Playing the victim shows up as complaining or whining about some task we have to do, or having a really negative attitude toward life. Henry Cloud [...]

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07Mar, 2012

How Do You Keep From Getting Distracted? Don’t Answer the Ringing Phone.

Posted by Don
33

A few weeks ago I was tempted to put off a high-priority job because somebody needed something from me and said it was urgent. The truth is what they needed from me was urgent, it just wasn’t urgent for me. What they needed was going to help them get their job done. I call these kinds of distractions a “ringing phone.” It’s amazing how much a ringing phone takes priority over everything else, and often the stuff that is more important given your various responsibilities. When a phone rings we rarely know what the person who is calling wants, but we drop whatever we are doing to answer. Metaphorically, a ringing phone is something that feels urgent but isn’t. With this specific incident, I went back to my goals and realized if I kept taking myself off task to answer ringing phones, I’d never get my work done. So for two days I completed my tasks, then helped them with their project. Not answering the ringing phone did two things for me: It affirmed my priorities. These days, ringing phones are much easier to ignore if they aren’t in line with what I’m trying to accomplish. It set boundaries for [...]

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06Mar, 2012

How to Tell a Good Story With Your Life – or – The Four Critical Elements of a Meaningful Life

Posted by Don
26

A couple years ago I released a book called “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” about editing my life for a major motion picture. The premise of the book was that the tools storytellers use to create better stories can also be used by the rest of us to live better lives. On April 13th, the movie will be coming out and I’m feeling grateful, nervous and excited all at once. It’s also reminding me about the importance of actually living a good story rather than just telling one. I thought I’d summarize some of the concepts from Storyline for those of you who haven’t read the book or been able to attend a conference. The idea is actually pretty simple. To live a great story, our lives have to reflect the element of a great story. Here they are: • Every story is built around a character or characters. This part is easy. By God’s design, you are the principal character of your story because you are the only character in any story you can control. You are the storyteller and the principal character all in one. The story may be about something other than you, but you [...]

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09Feb, 2012

The Power of Knowing Your Story

Posted by Don
29

Ever walked into a movie halfway through? You were likely scrambling your brain trying to figure out what’s happening on screen. If you were lucky you had a friend whisper in your ear to catch you up. Often, when people attend the Storyline Conference, this is their experience. Only they’ve not walked into a movie, they’ve walked into their life. It’s just that they hadn’t been paying attention. One of the ten exercises we do at Storyline is to fill out our timeline. In this exercise, we list the positive and negative turns we’ve experienced and then place them on a grid that allows us to see the trajectory of our lives. There are many benefits to this exercise, but the biggest ones are: 1. We realize that we’ve been blessed more than we’d previously thought. 2. We get a general sense that somebody is watching over us. 3. We realize that the negative turns in our lives eventually turn out okay. 4. We also realize that the negative turns have usually produced some kind of blessing, either by shaping our character or by preparing us for an important responsibility. 5. We begin to understand that our experiences have prepared [...]

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23Jan, 2012

Work on Your Character and a Good Life Will Come to You

Posted by Don
67

The blogosphere is abuzz with advice for the new year. We’re being given tricks and tips on getting ahead, becoming more efficient and so forth. But as a guy who helps people live better stories, I have to tell you the best advice I’ve ever heard is simple: Work on your character and a good life will come to you. Of course we have to define “good life” and we also have to acknowledge this is far from a “biblical law” that is destined for success. To be sure, nothing is for sure. But I like the idea and find it comforting. I like the idea that I can stop trying to control the people around me and just work on myself, just work on being a slightly better Don. Does it mean everything will be great? No, not really. Conflict is part of every good life. No meaningful story is void of conflict. But what it does mean is that in every context, I can always control what I can control, and that’s me. Just because there’s a storm on the ocean doesn’t mean there has to be a storm within me. Here are some interesting camera angles I’ve [...]

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